I wish my friends would stop dying,
Stop crying
Stop giving up
They throw their hands up
I wish I could save you all
But with that weight on my shoulders... I might fall

They say "I hope you die,"
and I reply "I wish."

Inside I fall into blackness
Eyes shut I breathe
Overwhelming suffering
Inside I seethe

I cannot escape my mind
It's a prison I build
Undeniable agony
The cup is over filled
It has spilled
Can I rewind?

Help me please
My eyes they bleed
From all the tears I cry

This scar cut the deepest
As I looked into the mirror
I looked into my soul
And found that I'm even more ruined
As broken then I was before
I'm falling apart at the core
The tears fresh as blood
And your name rolls off my
Tounge
Your absence in my heart
Tore the last bits of me apart
And this time I just want it to end
I just want this comstant pain away
I don't want the evidence bare on my arms
I don't want these memories inside
I just want it all to go away
Let it go away

May the words be spoken,
but promises never broken
May our peace and love remain in our hearts
and never leave and never part
blessed be the ones who care
but are neither here and never there

Subtle breeze
Blowing trees
As we lay here
Eyes turned up

Broken hearts
Fall apart
As we lay here
Hands locked together

Energy electrifies
Breathing intensifies
As we lay here
Lips trace each other

Needing you
Needing me
As we lay here
One together

Moving bodies
Shattered hobbies
As we are here
Forever

Torment me
Torment you
As we lay here
No longer one

All alone
Next to me
You disappear
With the breeze
Into the trees

Shadow friends dance at the edge of my vision
Somehow I convince myself that I'm with them
We smile and laugh but I'm still empty
Somehow I'm lonely when you're here with me

My rainbows fade into cloudy grey
I'm begging my shadow friends to stay
But night will fall and take you from me
And I will remeber that I am lonely

I'll walk in the dark, where I cannot see
And think up thoughts which swallow me
I'll bend until I break, like I'm made of glass
Good things placed in my hands do not last

My shadow friends are gone, and I'm all alone
My life is built up in this shadow home
Where I let tears fall, and I wallow in my pain
How I wonder what it feels like to be sane

Every moment we spend living and experiencing, shapes and develops us. The moment you fall in love
The moment your heart breaks
The test you fail
The test you ace
We are all the bookkeepers of our own lives
Looking for the balance to keep us standing upright
Of course this scale may tip to one side or the other from time to time, But as always balance can be achieved

I learned to adore you
In all the best ways
The way the sunset in your eyes
Nights spent cherishing your body
Turns into day

Your soul was damaged just like mine
Full of bruises black and blue
Scratched all on the surface
Like a record that sings the blues

I always claimed to be so alone
Eyes made of thunder clouds
But In your presence I was home

Hands pressed against the stained glass
It’s hard to see your face
and I miss that place

Now the streets feel lonely
And rainstorms make me cry
And I don’t see sunsets in the dusk sky
And I hate
When
You cry

In the leaves of Autumn
I fall into reds and orange
Existing in moments passing by
And crouching at winters feet
I sway with the breeze
Until it rips away the last of me
And I lay in reds and orange
Of Autumn leaves
Left scattered at the feet of trees
Winter will dismember me
And summer won't remeber me
For I will decay, life is fleet
At the feet of trees
I once was leaves
But Autumns trees
Sway in the breeze
It pulls those leaves
To lay in dirt decay
At the feet of Autumn trees

Inside
I battle
My voice is weak
While SHE has been loud

Talking constantly
To bring me down
Speaking in tongues
That bring black clouds

My heart has beat
With bullet holes
Gushing inklings
Of doubt

Into my body
It took over me
Stole who I was
supposed to be

Took years off my life
In the form of
Smoke and knives

And now I talk back
At the one who
Brings me down

Now I scream back
Her voice
I drown

I'm me again
No one else is
Around

I'm free again
These feet on
Solid ground

Walking along a path yet
*I am so very lost

There is a fear
softly lingering in the dark
waiting patiently
for your acceptance

Infinite skies
Could not hold the lies
Which spill from your tongue
Like Honeywise
Delectable

I am not wise
I believe your lies
I am intertwined
In your demise
Detectable

Shaky breaths, and
Weightless shoulders
Lift me higher into
A state of mind where
Lyrics bounce in my
Head, urging this craving
For tension to form
Between muscles and skin.
As I feverishly write
Out a thought that
Make sense in no
Mind, but mine.

Fingertips bleeding words
Unto lined paper
Mind an open area
For thoughts, color, shape,
Intertwining to become
Images playing behind
My eyelids.
A smile bleeds to ink
Traveling from the veins
Of my mind

Hold the camera still
Capture us this way
With smiles in the sunlight
Eternalize this day

Because when the sun begins to set
And the world returns to sleep
Those smiles melt away
And again I start to weep

Weep for the inevitable loss
Because those pictures never last
And I want to feel loved
Like I did once in the past

Perhaps I missed the sign
Perhaps I missed my chance
Just take this horrid picture
Where we're happy at a glance

I am bouncing from one prison to the next
Because the true prison surrounds me in the form of flesh and anger
Red rivers crashing against the stones placed around my heart
Tear drops fall in reverse as my world is flipped upside down
Intoxicated lips spill secrets like wine glasses slipping through clumsy fingertips
Smoke filling lungs with tar like the pavement freshly laid across my wounds
Bleeding beneath the surface
Cracked smiles cut those brave enough to graze the edges
I dissapear, receding like the ocean before a great storm.
Dark clouds fill my lungs creeping up my face into my eyes, draining the energy that once lived in those emerald orbs
I release a sigh and my soul slips through my lips
Moments pass by as I live in the memories in my head
Playing like home movies that torture me
Waterfalls of emotion pulse from my skin
Taking over like blankets of fog
Covering you up and tucking you into my personal madness
Are you scared yet?

I feel like I lost myself.
Somewhere in the middle of trying to please everyone around me.
I forgot about me, and I twisted myself into the shape of a noose that I now feel closing tighter around my neck.
Squeezing until my throat pushes back for space, frantically looking around for someone to help me breathe again.

I feel like I gave up.
Somewhere in the middle of trying so hard, my integrity diminished.
Until I was no longer capable of believing I could achieve anything.
Plans would fall through, and I wouldn't stop it.

I feel like I replaced love with company. Somewhere in the middle of trying to belong.
I gave up my needs, and only focused on the fact that I wasn't absolutely alone.
Yet this whole time I'm searching inside myself, and I just feel void.
I'm lacking. Lacking so much.
And I have no one but myself to blame, and maybe just a little can be taken by the fact that this world is not fair.

I am a just person.
I hate to fight.
I hate to see anyone upset.
But I am just a person.
I don't know how long I can keep up this fight.
I just want to close my eyes and be done.

In the dead of night
I bend in a bow
Full of dread and lacking sight
I know now

People will whisper loudly
Through actions instead of words
Raising their eyes proudly
Their lies are always heard

Begging I will sprout again
Like spring blossoms, open eyes
Where this dark and dingy road will end
Will end in my surprise

I have graciously fought this war
Although my scars are thick and sore
Fighting to take a breath of air
My heart is sadly tore

These voices leak inside my head
Although I've closed the door
I can hear them even though I shed
They're always wanting more

I will pick back up where I had left off
I am stuck nevermore
And they will roll their eyes and scoff
But I will have the score

In the dead of night
I bend in a bow
I've been given sight
To know what I know now

I've been wandering alone
Inside my mind for a long time
Stuck in a loop
I jump through hoops
I set up my own demise
Through self built disguise
I hide

Longing for breakthrough
My eyes stare from below the surface
Fingertips pressed against the water
I haven't escaped
Yet

I watch birds fly
Through wide eyes
Floating in place
I am this space
For now