This isn't a story
about how I overcame a past demon
or how I beat the bully with the power of friendship,
because you and I both know
that didn't happen.  
I don't want this to be another sad teenaged story
about how my boyfriend broke up with me
or how my best friend kissed my crush.
This is a story about how
I was born an unlucky kid
who I was blessed with
tears instead of smiles,
who has more love for other
than for herself,
who is more willing to die
than to live.
I'm just an unlucky kid
who debates whether to live life
or to end it.

you know how it feels to be ditched and thrown away,
yet you ask me why i'm wary of people.

you know how much it hurts to be broken down,
yet you ask me why i’m wary of people.

you know how it feels to be betrayed by those closest to you,
yet you ask me why i’m wary of people.

you already know why i'm wary of people,
yet you still ask me why.

I took the pictures off the walls
Our memories are in a box

Your shirts and letters sit
And there the dust will settle

I do this before the trip to see you
Knowing our conversation will not end well

I’m caught in the middle of a storm
But tonight, perhaps the stars will show themselves once more

The end of us has been nothing but silence and screaming
Maybe I’m ready for you to leave

If this past year has been a story,
Then we are at the ******

And I am on the edge of my seat
Just waiting to see how this all plays out

you know sweetie, I'd love to forgive you
I'd love to believe that
your intentions were the best
however I can't seem
to get this particular dream
out of my head
see, what I dream is
you saying "sorry, you were right"
"I didn't mean any of it"
"not even that one night"
I want to be validated
in my grief, I suppose
I want a reason behind
why this hurts so bad
after so long
because frankly you don't deserve this from me
you don't deserve anything from me
you made promises that you didn't even try to keep
you spat lies into my face
and apologized for things
that you planned on doing
the very next day
so don't you dare tell me
you're "sorry"

now I don't want an apology
instead I want nothing but guilt
and shame
for you
because just for once in your life
I want you to take responsibility
for the mistakes you made
and the choices you made
and the times that you actively decided
to douse my wounds with salt
I want you to feel the burning
that's been in my blood for the past ten months
if I have to burn,
well, baby,
you're gonna burn too

I ask myself “who am I?",
I wait for a reply.
I hear my thoughts rambling,
I here myself say “Why?”
Why do I see myself as I do,
in fact, what do I actually see?
I realise after all this time, my thoughts have been taking over me.

If I step back and think about each time I have found myself in despair,
I never really realised, it was a thought that took me there.

Thinking makes us something,
it’s the one thing that sets us apart;
a thought leading to happiness,
or a broken heart.

What will your thoughts be today, knowing what you know?;
A single thought, leads to many others,
*we reap what we sow.

Everyday it gets harder.
Everyday it is a nightmare
                progressing on and on.
Everyday is another prayer
           echoing from my bones,
asking God to please take me now.
Everyday I close up more and more.
    It is getting more impossible to stay here.
Everyday I feel myself die more and more.
     When I  lay down each night,
I wonder how ill leave this hell..
       I never felt so much pain.