You think about it and you feel every cell in your body tingle with excitement.
You quickly find yourself daydreaming about it more often.
The thought slowly consumes you, more and more each day.
You make a plan and promise yourself to follow through this time.
It becomes more of a task that must be completed instead of the ultimate choice between life and death.
You convince yourself that it is for the best, and next thing you know you are downing a bottle of pills.
You process what you just did and begin to panic.
"Wait" you think.
You are not weak and this is truly what you want, so just close your eyes and let it happen.
You start puking uncontrollably, every stomach content you had.
You feel miserable, terrible.
You cannot let it end this way.
You are a coward, you cannot handle the pain.
How cowardly.

My body isn't perfect.
I don't walk with confidence.
I'm an emotional wreck somedays and I don't even know why.
I've cried myself to sleep.
I've made bad choices.
I have many regrets.
I silently put myself down.
I only get through some days with forced smiles and fake laughs.
I'm very imperfect.
But I'm perfectly me.

You make plans, you talk about your future together and how you both cannot wait for the day to start building it with one another..
Then one day they suddenly realize they're better off without you and you're not good enough, you never were.
They walk away without a second thought and don't even care that you're broken. They feel as though all the time spent with you was nothing more but wasted time.
All of a sudden the words "I don't know what I would do without you" no longer remains a mystery..

As I sit here and drown myself in sweet poison, I quickly remember what's wrong with me. Every flaw, every mistake that makes up my existence, and as tears roll down my face I slowly realize I did this to myself.