Kaiden: Poems

Mar 11 · 172

He saw them

Kaiden Mar 11

He saw them

The poems.
The old, brown notebook,
Filled with all of my secrets,
Big and small,
Coded into poetry.

My brother found my poems.. strangely enough, he liked them

#poem #notebook

Mar 7 · 104

Poetry

Kaiden Mar 7

Poetry

You can't force it on yourself.
The words come by themselves,
In the most random moment,
To help you
Or doom you.
They have their own will.
A sudden wave of inspiration,
On a train, bus, school,
But when you want to write,
It tells you you're not ready.

My teacher once told me that she's not a proffesional writer because she doesn't want to force herself to write.

#poetry #writing

Mar 7 · 226

Suicide

Kaiden Mar 7

Suicide

you try to Survive,
jUst hold on a little longer,
not wanting to stay alIve,
Crying, but trying to be stronger.
i thInk you know how it fells,
Dying to never cry,
dying to not be alone,
despite the fact that you diE

Connect the dots

#suicide

Mar 7 · 517

Scars

Kaiden Mar 7

Scars

Scars fading away,
Along with the memories
Of the hurt and decay,
The endless stories,
Coming back fresh,
Regaining their life on paper,
Carving into the flesh,
Disappearing later.

Sh scars fading away is one of the worst feelings out there

#sh #selfharm #scars

Mar 7 · 90

Name on my wrist

Kaiden Mar 7

Name on my wrist

I wrote your name on my wrist,
All the things that we have lost,
I hated seeing you like this,
Depression gone, but at what cost?

I wrote your name on my wrist,
Only to slice right through,
You were on top of the list
Yet you never had a clue.

I wrote your name on my wrist,
Knowing it wouldn't last,
But i rewrite it sometimes,
Not letting go of the past.

My best friend (and crush) wont be able to text until summer because he got really suicidal and can't handle that much stuff at once :(

#wrist #name

Mar 5 · 75

Too lazy

Kaiden Mar 5

Too lazy

Too lazy to die
Too lazy to exist
Too lazy to cry
Too lazy to persist
Too lazy to stay
Too lazy to leave
Too lazy to pray
Too lazy to achieve
Too lazy to pretend
Too lazy to say the truth
Too lazy for the end
Too lazy for your youth
Too lazy to stop
Too lazy to lie
Too lazy to do your job
Too lazy to die

"You're just too lazy"

#lazy

Mar 4 · 220

<3

Kaiden Mar 4

<3

I may not know you
But i know you so well.
Know you've been in heaven,
But also through hell.
And everything between,
Inside and beyond.
With so many things you have seen.
And no one to bond.

(with)

Writing at 6am, on a train is... Interesting, to say at least.

#heaven #hell

Mar 4 · 165

Path

Kaiden Mar 4

Path

Following the path
Written ahead
Not realizing
It's all in my head.

Imaginary world anyone?

#path #imagination #head #world

Feb 21 · 137

Child

Kaiden Feb 21

Child

There is a child discovering your path
Running away from the world's anger and wrath
There might be a future awaiting ahead,
But what if one day they end up dead?

<3

#child

Feb 19 · 157

A poet's last poem

Kaiden Feb 19

A poet's last poem

A poet's last poem.
Death's lullaby.
Words forever forgotten,
To be discovered,
And never understood.

I felt like this one would make a good 100th poem. Not perfect but whatever :3

#poem #poet #forgotten #last

Feb 19 · 84

Explain

Kaiden Feb 19

Explain

Some things
Are simply
Unexplainable

"Explain", "I can't". Sometimes the kid is right, mother.

#explain #unexplainable

Feb 19 · 124

Freedom

Kaiden Feb 19

Freedom

So close,
Yet so far.
It cannot be defined,
Nor fully felt.
You're always trapped.

No matter what you do, you're never fully free.

#freedom

Feb 19 · 96

Two Gods

Kaiden Feb 19

Two Gods

What if
There are
Two Gods?
One false,
Popular,
And the true one,
Known by only few.

When we were kids, me and my brother made a theory that some "christians" (the ones that use religion to justify discrimination) believe in their own, false God, oblivious to the one they're "supposed" to believe in.

#god #false

Feb 18 · 138

Running away

Kaiden Feb 18

Running away

Coldness
The loud gasps for air
And a phone you've been
Clutching in your hand.
The car chasing you,
Fear in your eyes.
You know it's the end.
You wait for the
Pretty blue and red lights
To save you.
And then you wake up,
Doctor everywhere,
And your very first
Mental hospital friend

Wrote this in the mental hospital

#abuse #trauma #mentalhospital

Feb 18 · 157

You're scared

Kaiden Feb 18

You're scared

You're scared.
Not me.
Of the consequences
Of your doings.
Not me.

#scared

Feb 11 · 44

Different

Kaiden Feb 11

Different

The same
Yet so different
Same person
But they changed.
Who thought that one sentence
Can change so much

When you lose a friend (or more), they're technically still the same person but so different

Feb 10 · 58

Truth

Kaiden Feb 10

Truth

It hurts
While forcing you
To accept itself

Idk im bored

#truth

Feb 6 · 235

12 long years (my first poem)

Kaiden Feb 6

12 long years (my first poem)

A poet that can't write,
An artist that can't draw.
I know that with my life
I won't get too far.

I wake up every morning,
Blinded by the light.
Working all day long,
Crying every night.

Scared of my stepfather,
Scared of the whole world.
I would escape from here,
If i only could.

A young little soul
But with so much pain.
And if i die soon,
Please remember my name.

(**** i was selfish lol)
This is the very first poem i wrote. It's terrible but i felt like sharing it here.

#abuse #trauma #child

Feb 6 · 154

Przemoc

Kaiden Feb 6

Przemoc

Dziecinna zabawa w kota i myszkę
O życie.
Jak uciekanie po kątach
Zamkniętej przestrzeni,
Mając nadzieję na wydostanie się
Poza niezniszczalne ściany.
I zakończenie,
Groźba i obietnica.
"Nie mów nikomu, wiesz co się stanie".

Postanowiłem coś po polsku napisać, bo czemu by nie. Nie najlepsze, ale chyba może być.

(First time writing poetry in my native language since i noticed a lot of Polish people here. Not the best but i tried <3)

#abuse #przemoc

Feb 1 · 92

Validation

Kaiden Feb 1

Validation

I crave it
Like a drug.
It pulls me through the words
As i type on the screen
Or notebook.
It's almost like attention-seeking
Yet i won't give up
Until i get enough.

I sometimes feel like i need way too much validation

#validation

Jan 30 · 381

Change

Kaiden Jan 30

Change

One they stopped
Going to the playground
But you stayed.

One day they stopped listening
To their parents
Yet you obeyed.

The others grew up
When you did not.

For them it was nothing,
For you it was a lot.

Apparently some people might feel/act like they're a bit younger because their brain had to focus on surviving instead of developing properly.

#childhood #trauma

Jan 29 · 103

Poet

Kaiden Jan 29

Poet

A soul broken into pieces,
And given an ability to write in return.
As "compensation".
To make people relate,
Getting the tiniest bit of happiness
From their work
While dying slowly.

I feel like this one is kinda selfish but idk

#poet

Jan 29 · 1.9k

Trauma

Kaiden Jan 29

Trauma

I'd rather live through the trauma
That i know,
Instead of starting a new one.

I was given the choice of living with my father and my mother (and her boyfriend). He's abusive but I'd rather suffer through the trauma I know than a new type of trauma where i wouldn't know how to deal with it.

#trauma #abuse

Jan 29 · 139

Understand

Kaiden Jan 29

Understand

Show me what you love
And I'll try to love it.
Show me what to be
And i will become it.
But i won't ever understand.

5th poem of the day let's goooooo

#understand #neurodivergent

Jan 29 · 88

Love poems

Kaiden Jan 29

Love poems

I could never write those.
A type of art so sweet for the soul,
Yet so hard to master and understand.
A poem written by the heart,
The hand only being a
Tool for it to communicate.
Trying to explain
Something no one truly knows.

Seriously, every time i write love stuff i cringe after the first line and give up lol

#love

Jan 29 · 109

Abuse

Kaiden Jan 29

Abuse

Abused
Belittled
Used
Scared
Exploited

#abuse #acrostic

Jan 29 · 133

Robots

Kaiden Jan 29

Robots

Hands working to get the supplies
For their master.
Used, exploited.
For other people's comfort.

They breathe the same air
As the "masters"
But are shamed for it.
For wasting the oxygen
The "master" needs.

Children shouldn't be slaves (and actual slaves shouldn't be slaves as well, unless they really want to).

#robot #abuse #slave

Jan 29 · 175

Oh to be loved by a writer

Kaiden Jan 29

Oh to be loved by a writer

"Oh to be loved by a writer"
Someone once said to me,
Not knowing they are.

Being hated by a writer is so much worse tho

(Also, i wanna be loved by a writer ****)

#love #writer

Jan 29 · 173

Swing

Kaiden Jan 29

Swing

A childish object
Lifting you
Up and down.

The air surrounding you
Like a cold but comforting embrace.
Up and down.

The wind ruffling your hair
Like a loving mother's hand would.
Up and down.

Your only friend
That won't ever leave you.
You leave it first.
Up and down.

I think we left swings too early

#swing #air #child

Jan 25 · 84

Adults

Kaiden Jan 25

Adults

Adults.
Some are smart,
Yet some are not.
Fighting over their tiny problems,
Killing people,
Just to make a point.
Nuclear weapons used as
Tiny threats,
Childrens use when you steal their toy.
Censoring people's lives,
Because you have the power.

I still can't believe they chose a **** ****** as their president

#deny #defend #depose

Jan 25 · 151

Untitled

Kaiden Jan 25

Untitled

You say that i don't try,
And I'm trying really hard.
Even tho you don't see me cry,
I am falling apart.

I wrote this when i was 12 or 13

Jan 19 · 248

Perfect child

Kaiden Jan 19

Perfect child

Good grades,

Clean clothes,

Obedient behavior.

Perfect child.

So why do you hurt them so much?

You do everything they want but they still have a problem.

#perfect #child

Jan 19 · 243

The feeling after

Kaiden Jan 19

The feeling after

They talk about the act,

But never the feeling after.

They don't talk about the guilt,

The blood sticking to your sleeve.

The cleaning up after

Or the simple lack of it.

They don't talk about people asking,

And you saying it's because of the cat,

Half a million times.

A lot of people forgets that it's not just "cutting for fun", it's a bunch of other stuff.

#sh

Jan 19 · 64

Ban

Kaiden Jan 19

Ban

Ban everything,
Media,
Differences,
And the will to live.

Ban everything, except yourself.

The history book on the shelf always repeats itself.

#ban

Jan 19 · 91

Child of clay

Kaiden Jan 19

Child of clay

Child of clay,
Born in the shadow of death and decay.
Shaped and formed into what they're expected to be,
To be manipulated easily.

By the very hands that made them,
The hands that were supposed to care.
But what if they hate them, what then?
The creation crushed with just one stare.

And yet again, they're shaped and molded,
To always look as they please.
If they're not perfect, they will get scolded,
The cycle always repeats.

And when the creator is satisfied,
The flames **** the life out of the creation
They don't ever care about the child,
Just want to fulfill their temptations.

So the child stays alone,
Like none of this ever mattered.
And if it falls from the shelf, down below,
Its soul will immediately get shattered.

My friend made up a line and asked the writers from the server to finish (thanks pookie ily <33)

#child #of #clay

Jan 10 · 134

Home

Kaiden Jan 10

Home

You tried so hard to leave.
Why did you come back?

Asking myself this exact question since forever

#abuse #home

Jan 10 · 699

Brother

Kaiden Jan 10

Brother

Today i found out that
My brother is turning into me.
Every single detail.
I'm scared for him.

My brother is exactly the age i started sh and i found out he already tried it "out of curiosity". Same as me. I have no idea how to help him because he refuses to believe he's not okay. I don't want him to go through the same stuff i sent through.

#brother #sh

Jan 10 · 256

Dear mother

Kaiden Jan 10

Dear mother

I love you,
So continue to live your life
Without me.

Sometimes it's better to leave them

#mother #neglect

Jan 10 · 73

Myself

Kaiden Jan 10

Myself

I miss who i was
Don't know who i will be
And I'm scared of what I've become.

I don't really know who i am anymore.

Jan 8 · 92

Bathroom

Kaiden Jan 8

Bathroom

A shirt hanging on the door handle,
Preventing your eyes from
Looking at me.
I was 11.

I was a kid but i still had to put a shirt on the door handle so no one would stare at me. Some people are disgusting.

#sa #bathroom

Jan 7 · 103

Untitled

Kaiden Jan 7

Untitled

I may not accompany you
In your further path.
For you have left me behind
While i still haven't forgotten you.

It still kinda hurts

#breakup

Jan 7 · 341

Test subject

Kaiden Jan 7

Test subject

Needles injected into my body,
Machines everywhere,
The concerned nurses whispering to each other.
The tests and
The forgotten fear of needles,
Define my existence.
I am a test subject,
Nothing wrong but nothing right.
And they will continue
Until it's too late.

Since i was a child i had really bad dizziness and sometimes fainting, all of that getting worse over time. Since i was 12 ive been getting multiple tests but no one knows what's wrong. I literally got used to needles (i used to have panic attacks just seeing them). I feel like a ******* test subject.

#test #subject #needle #doctor #illness

Jan 5 · 431

Death's lullaby

Kaiden Jan 5

Death's lullaby

Shut your eyes,
Fall into the pain's tight embrace,
And go to sleep.
Forget the lies,
At a tiring pace,
The very few memories to keep.

The monster's gone,
But is it true?
You think you won,
But the monster is you.

So shut your eyes,
Fall into pain's tight embrace,
And go to sleep.
Forget the lies,
At a tiring pace,
The very few memories to keep.

Kinda proud of this one. But now, shut your eyes, fall into pain's tight embrace...

#lullaby #death #monster #sleep

Jan 5 · 168

Alone

Kaiden Jan 5

Alone

Shut your eyes,
Cover your ears,
And focus on your breathing.
You can't hear them now.

The words many of you might have repeated to yourself

#alone #abuse

Jan 4 · 133

Lost child

Kaiden Jan 4

Lost child

Imagine a little child
Wandering through the streets all alone,
With nothing but a tiny backpack
And a toy in their hand.

No one stops to ask if they're okay,
No one wants to look at them,
Most people don't even aknowledge them.

And they only care
When the child gets hit by a car,
Dissapears from existence.
To never be seen again.

Inspired by a story i wrote as a kid

#lost #child

Jan 2 · 193

Art

Kaiden Jan 2

Art

The perspective of it changes as you age,
At first, art is just a picture,
Of a tree or a house.
Then it changes,
It morphs into words or images,
Hiding a slight meaning.
Before you even realize it,
People begin to be concerned about your art,
While some find comfort in it.
Art cannot be explained,
As the meaning lies in every artist's heart,
Whether they know it or not.

"Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable"- Cesar A. Cruz

#art

Jan 1 · 91

Workaholic

Kaiden Jan 1

Workaholic

You wake up.
Immediately, you check your phone.
The amount of things to do is unbearable,
But you have to get it done anyway.
Why?
You don't know.

You start doing the work by yourself,
No one there to help you yet.
As always.
You have to do everything alone.
Why?
You don't know.

You finish the work
And you feel empty.
You HAVE to do something, anything.
Why?
You don't know.

You're completely burnt out,
They ask you if you're okay.
You're not.
Why?
You don't know.

If you're reading this, PLEASE take a day off, i know work is important but i don't want the same to happen to you that happened to me.

#work #workaholic

Jan 1 · 162

Leaving the house

Kaiden Jan 1

Leaving the house

Leaving the house,
The memories,
Pain and happiness.
The child that used to live there.

Sometimes you leave too soon,
Sometimes you just have to.
For the good of the other people
Still locked inside.

You can't help but worry about them,
But you can't change anytning,
Now that you left.
But it is what you wanted, is it not?

You thought leaving the house would help you
But it only made it worse.
You have the life you wanted,
But at what cost?

As someone who moved out at 13, it's VERY confusing. Yes, i left the house where i was abused but at what cost? Now my brother is going through the same thing and i can't be there to help him.

#abuse #sibling #house #leaving

Jan 1 · 73

Favorite hoodie

Kaiden Jan 1

Favorite hoodie

My favorite hoodie,
One that aged along with me.
The hoodie that remembers it all,
The pain, sweat fear,
Still having the white paint stains.

It remembers the joy,
The children's laughter,
The forest we both used to love
And the universe i created in my head.

It knows more about me than any person in the world,
Remembers all of my happy and sad moments,
The tears of joy and sadness.
Today i am wearing it and writing this poem.
Thank you.

I wont be surprised if no one likes it but anyway, i have that one favorite hoodie i absolutely love and i wouldnt trade it for the world.

#hoodie

Jan 1 · 109

People

Kaiden Jan 1

People

Some people are born to be succesful,
Some people are meant to be losers
Some are born to recieve everything the others give them
Some are born to give
Some people get love
Some people give it away
Some people take it as granted
Some people would do anything to get it
Some people have everything
While others are meant to have nothing.

You don't choose the life you're born in. Everyone here has a role. Sometimes your role is being broken.

#people #role