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 Mar 16 Joshua Michael
Haze
He didn't deserve it
He was always there for me
He never left my side
He knew when I was upset
He cheered me up when I was down

I will always miss him
I won't forget everything he has done for me
I can't remember life without him
I learned so much from him
I can't believe this is it
I will make sure his memory lives on
RIP Hammer. I'll miss you forever bud.
Its been one day, it still seems unreal, you can't be gone.
Second day without you, please tell me this is just a nightmare
Third day, I told someone about you today, i broke down
Fourth day, I cant get through this
Fifth day, our story was only beginning, why did it end so quickly?
Sixth day, I had a dream about you, it felt too real
One week past, I have run out of tears to cry, I'm just empty
8 days, never mind I’m drowning in my tears tonight
9 days, why do I feel like nobody else cares
10 days, someone asked me how you were doing, I didn’t have the strength to tell them u were gone
11 days, I hate being constantly reminded of you
12 days, I have no purpose in life without you here
13 days, my heart is going to be broken forever
2 weeks past, I thought I heard you, but realised my mind was just playing games
15 days, I saw your favourite food today at the supermarket, I almost bought it, then I remembered
16 days, everyone keeps telling me I should be over you by now, but how
17 days, the house has been too empty and quiet
18 days, I have learnt that faking a smile is easier than being sad and getting fake sympathy
19 days, the memories of you are drowning me
20 days, my anxiety is getting worse and you are not here for me to talk to
21 days, people now think im fine, but they really don’t know me at all
22 days, I want to die. Life without you is just not worth it
23 days, I know you would want me to try to be happy, I’m trying hard, that thought is getting me through this.
24 days, someone mocked you, I completely lost it and shouted at them, they deserved it
25 days, I wanted to talk to you, so I walked up to your usual spot, only to realise you weren’t there
26 days, I sang a song for you today my angel.
27 days, I'm starting to feel that I'm not as alone as I think
28 days later, Its almost been a month how did I make it through, my world is never going to be the same, not without you.
29 days, our song started playing on a long quiet drive, i tried to fight back the tears but one escaped my eye.
One month later, I don't know how to feel anymore, i feel useless and completely empty, and without you by my side i feel so alone, i'm scared of myself. The future, everything. Its crazy how one little thing can change you forever, but you weren't one little thing, you were m everything and I will be forever scarred without you, I hope one day maybe I will see you again.
Rest In Peace baby, I wish you were still here I miss seeing your happy chubby face around bub :,(
Iv'e kinda just put my whole process dealing with this into one poem/timeline story? So forgive me it might not make any sense but this is my most pure poem yet :)
Why Men Cry in the Bathroom

For so many reasons.
I will tell you the why.
I think you know,
Or perhaps, you think you know.

Men are always O.K.,
Even when not.

We expect the worse,
Accept the worse,
Nonetheless,
We are forever unprepared.

Wearily, we cry,
In the bathroom, in private,
Lest sighs slip by,
We be unmasked,
Early warring, strife signs warning.

Copious, tho we weep
Before the mirror confessor,
It is relief untethered,
Unbinding of the feet,
An uncounting
Of beaded rosaries,
Of freshly fallen hail stones,
Of night times terrors
By dawn's early edition's light,
and welcomed.

But look for the mute tear,
The eye-cornered drop,
*** tat, that never drops,
But never ceases formation and
Reforming, over and over again,
In a state of perpetuity of reconstitution,

The tippy tear of an iceberg revealing,
And I see you peeping, wondering,
What is beneath


Look for:
the torn worm-eaten edges of spirit,
thrift shop bought, extra worn,
grieving lines neath the eyes,
where the salt has evaporated,
discolored the skin.
worry lines,
under and above,
browed mapped, furrowed boundaries.
the laugh line saga,
where better days are stored,
recalled, as well as recanted,
publicly, privately.

Why just men?

I don't know,
Perhaps,
it is all I know.


Jan 6, 2013
your effusive and lengthy comments are each a poem in their own right.  

Tinkered with June 22, 2013
With a push from Bala,
A serial peeper, thank God!
People say that
Real men don’t cry
       Then why am crying?
   I never knew
    The true meaning
      Of a poem
     Until
      You
      Appeared
 Feb 7 Joshua Michael
lyka
I sold my soul to poetry
And never looked back
But now every relationship
Is a writing prompt
Every trauma, a metaphor
Today I’ll ponder,
on these scars.
Tonight I’ll wish,
upon a star.

Tomorrow may bring,
another wound,
but wounds can heal,
if treated soon.

Yesterday,
I thought of death,
and felt the wind,
sigh with his breath.

Not today,
he whispered clear,
perhaps tomorrow,
but do not fear.

In the end,
he comes to all.
The weak, the strong,
the big and small.

He’s timeless and constant,
Death’s always “been”,
and he has no pity,
foe or friend.

He’ll lead me on,
to the unknown,
giving me the thing,
he can never own.

So I will not fear him,
and I shall not fret.
For tomorrow,
has not happened yet.
Death comes to us all.
 Mar 2023 Joshua Michael
sindy
I don't know what I feel but I am sure that I feel.

Someday I would run into your arm just to smell you and got this heart bump that I love so much. Look at your eyes and loose myself, getting your crazy look at me and give you all.

Other days my mind is strong and keeps reapeting to me that it's not the right thing to do and that I will regret to follow my kind of feelings that I am not even sure about.

Then I go to my bed and everything comes back, I am having flashed of us in the bath, in your room, my clothes falling down as I don't even notice.

And I wake up and I am full of doubts : what if it's all lies, what if I am getting played. I can't throw everything I build since years for just a feeling a "I want to see".

But still I love adventures and I don't believe in love anyway so what do I have to loose : few more years? What if I can win a lot more?

But still all of this is only based on "if" and I can't risk so much.
#Lost #love #heart #feelings #you
You didn’t teach me
How to succeed without ambition
How to live without approval
How to survive in this condition
How to hold my head up high
How to run when I could barely walk
How to value the me others hate
How to survive all the painful talk.

You didn’t teach me
How to keep my heart healthy and whole
How to tell the truth hidden in lies
How to find the spark inside my soul
How to be proud listening to taunts
How to look upon hatred as sickness
How to sing songs of praise of others
How to selflessly, and lovingly bear witness.

You didn’t teach me
How to value the people who love me as me
How to enjoy people of a different color
How to appreciate all the different nationalities
How to bounce back from the blows of life
How to learn from the work any that I do
How to love my life and cherish all of it,
Because loving me never came from you.
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