Its the feeling you get when your mind is a war zone, a warped home where grimmy thoughts roam, with no guidance or support zone, your so frightened to fight it on your own. More poems of suicide and self harm, you ever dreamt you died and felt calm? Just a truant mind with health crimes, help cant cure a ruined life in Hell's palms. You fell in to a ditch and because of it popping bottles of pills that you mixing your ***** with, then nodding off a bit picturing god and all of it, a doctors on the phone telling you to ***** it. Consistently monitored, the alcohol, the quiting , the six, seven seizures, its the moment a schizophrenic freezes, hearing a voice that whispers when it pleases, the vigilant bulimic, the obsessive and compulsive,the bipolar mood swing and stomach ulcers. Its the hidden issues that the medicine alters. Its the judgmental that the depression repulses ,the anxiety, the psychs with the notes, the post traumatic stress and the vices to cope. The prices of dope,the ice in the pipe that you smoke. The knife the rope, the temptation of slicing your throat. Its the stigma determined to scare you, when the bourbon your served is your urgent repairer. When not feeling nervous becomes rarer and your mom quits  her job to become your permanent carer. Its the psychotic episodes, the days that you lost seeking help, but being crazy isn't something I am ashamed to admit, so stay strong anybody who relates to this, please.

Pen in hand ink hasn't flown yet.
Deep in thoughts, deep in my head.
Smoke rings flow out on a coarse set.  Ironic,It twists into a delicate infinity,
Then slowly fades away.
My mind is now empty,
My thoughts all astray.

A small ember burns.
A wind ignites the flame,
Fueling the burning craving.

The demons start to wake,
Crawling out from within.
Reality slips away.
It's now to late.

SNIFF...
SNIFF...
SNIFF again.

Now fully consumed,
The white lines,
The demons.
They now control me

i can feel my heart beat faster as a drop of sweat forms on my temple with her thought, her brown eyes arouse me as she shares a cheeky smile. Teasing me with each word attracting me more. my mind ponders on caressing her silky skin, touching lips to her neck and sending shivers down her spine to the dimples on her back. . The thought o her clothes slowly slipping off as she leas me to the bed and sets my hands on her hips to lift her as she wraps her legs around me, pressed up against the wall with the world disappearing around us as the ecstasy takes over our actions, in dizzy light headedness falling upon your back as i slip my way down your body with only the sound of heavy breaths as tension builds and sheets get wet. A release off pleasure is stained in mind as screams echo off the walls

Dismayed and confused, alone
Alone i stay as the city rumbles
no one bats an eye, they all march on

The cab leaves as you smile a goodbye
Me, i just stand alone and cry
Gone she is , a little wander of life

I try to hide my sorrows
But its hard, hard to say bye
Bye to an angel who gave life
Life back to my mind and soul

I will miss my little wanderer
I will miss having the comfort
Comfort of someone who cares
Cares not just for me
But cares for who i was,am and will be

Do not fear my child,
for I am not gone.

I am the wind that
blows through your hair.
I am the sun that
kisses your skin.

I am the rising sun
with rays that glow.
I am the first star
to watch you at night.

For you see I am not gone,
I am here.
I am eternal in our love,
and in our memories.