To split science
by careful measurement.
To create a subject;
abstract, computational.

I am persuaded to forget
that which while present
is dissipating,
because I am not here,
but tangential.

I am governed by the laws of particle physics,
standing motionless as eyes watch me
give a speech on the power of language.

For when you get close,
where objects touch another
in the same way you and I
touch. Cotton curling
away from fire. Oil
on water. It is identical.
Irises returning
into their dark interiors.
Intact, incessant affirmation;
properties
that intersect and
soften, striking that
which while coaxing,
eludes us.

I am a stranger to myself,
entangled.

snorting burned toast
too late in the day to
call it a complete and
nutritious breakfast

(i have my heroes
but i also know that i
will never be a hero
to someone like me)

i'm not going
to make it that far.

(call me defeatist but
i guess you're right)

that's what i haven't
been saying is that
i'm not making plans
for the fall or the spring
or the rest of my life
because i'm afraid or
maybe convinced that i'm
not going to make it that far

because before the snow
covers the lawn in quiet
white layers i will be sprinkled
over top of the grass in the
form of a grayish powder
and misplaced hymns

(i doubt that all of us
were born to live)

nosedive into a
sandwich smothered
in over-sweetened
jelly regrets

and forget about the
haunting sweat that
you can't wash off
of the back of your neck

(the nice thing about
dying young is that
you'll have the rest of
your life to forget me)

headfirst slam into
the midnight sky
i cracked my skull
open on the moon

the milky way poured
out from behind my
eyes and galaxies came
up out of my throat

bits and pieces of me have
died here and there along
the way like ripped out
pieces of that hateful lawn

(the reason i want
to be forgotten is
because i was never
worth remembering)

but really it's just that
death and darkness are such nice
peaceful calm and reasonable
topics to discuss at length.

hold me, hold me,
oh my gosh, you're beautiful
hold me, hold me,
i wish we could lay this way forever.
kiss me, kiss me,
sweetly, softly, lovingly
kiss me, kiss me,
on my nose, my forehead & cheeks
love me, love me
i love you, i feel your heart
love me, love me
this beautifully always

Now I know I've lost my mind
I've gone back to what I left behind
Forgot the progress that I procured
Let myself slip into a state unsure

**I let the universe collapse again

Two
Six
Six
Two
If she read this,
She would know exactly what I mean.

Her ghost is all around me.
Her voice rings in my head.

Two.
Six.
Six.
Two.
Even though it seems our chance has passed,
I'll never forget her.

it seems like you've got problems
too big and too hard for me to comprehend
but I want to know your problems
and tell you that it'll be alright
I want to feel you
feel your emotions,
feel your lips against mine,
feel your body next to me.

I need you to allow me to love you
and I need you to love me back,
not because I love you,
but because you love me.
I want to know what it feels like
to be loved by you...
the heartless you,
the you who doesn't want to love again.

I want to get to know you,
to get to talk to you every single day,
to be able to call you mine,
but I cant
because I'm scared to tell you
that my heart aches for your love
and I can' help but just
look at you
without you knowing.

everyday I think of what could be
if you loved me back.
i think too often of what your fingertips
would feel like

i wanted to clench a
lithe, flimsy sky in the thicket
of my veins like
preserved butterflies

seize gale, glitter
pollen, laughter between laced
handcuffs
quietly, lovingly beneath
the tender protest of old stars
i wanted to break something beautiful.
i wanted to hold you between
the rubble
cluttered consonants on my tongue,
your cracked glass soul, the constellations in your smile,
i wanted to
cradle you like a dream, and break you
like a promise.

The sky painted itself
the color of candied raven
and the tingle of your touch
still flooded
the river beds of my soul; false bravado
tattooing its flaxen lies beneath my eyelids and
blood stains on my wrists
i crushed my own heart seventeen times a day

but you were so beautiful with your hair dyed the color of freedom
wings perched, loud crimson lips and hollow nightingale cages
a sizzling sip of obliteration

like pallid ceramic
angels on forsaken
attic shelves,
teardrops from rusty faucets
decaying family portraits
swooned on
glassy tables—

i fell
i dropped
i cracked
i shattered

i broke along
*with you