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japheth Jul 2018
if everyone
in this world
had the same
precious love
you have always given me,
surely,
like how gold is distributed
unto the hands of greed,
it will lose its value.
i’m reading the alchemist by paulo coelho and my god it’s memsmerizing — let me know what i should read next. i’m a sucker for books
japheth May 2019
to the alternate us;
the universe where we’re together
— i love you.

to the version of you
that i embrace on a cold weather
— i love you.

to my “what if”
in this world
but my “what is”
in another
— i love you.

if in this timeline
we’re not meant to be,
then i’d gladly accept it with glee.
because i know
a version of you out there,
is happily loving a version of me.
japheth May 2018
i’ve been
staring at this view
outside my window
for almost a year now.

i’ve had
countless of cigarettes,
nights where i just stare at the open lights in different buildings,
listened to the sounds of cars passing by,
cried and laughed so much while holding my phone scrolling through whatever app i’m in.

this view —
of numerous buildings,
of countless cars driving,
people as small as ants walking,
of the distant mountains from a province i’ve probably never visited,
of the clouds,
of the sun,
of the moon,
and of the stars —

i consider them as my friends.
a friend who just watches and listens to me.
a friend who sees me at my worst when i shed a tear for a mistake i made,
and sees me at my best when i smile for no reason at all.

sadly, in a few months i’ll part ways with this view.
it’s not a pristine view like the beach,
or on top of a mountain,
but it’s definitely a view that makes me stare at it for a long time.

reminding me of everything i’ve done:
my achievements,
my mistakes,
my regrets,
my doubts,
my fears,
my everything.

i’ll miss you most definitely.
i was staring at the view from my plce and since i’m moving out, i’m definitely gonna miss it.

i prolly gave 0 justice to how beautiful and helping the view is to me for all the things i’ve been through but i hope you get it.

we all have that one view that we always look at that never fails to make us smile.
japheth May 2018
i can’t wait

for you to leave me.

i can’t wait

for you to love me.

i can’t wait

for you to suddenly
disappear
leaving me with nothing
but questions

and

ghosts of you
scattered across every place
i look at.

i can’t wait

for you to suddenly
message me
saying,

“everything’s alright.”

comforting me with your embrace,

removing the tears
i’ve spent thinking of
endless possibilities —
which most are negative.

i can’t wait

to fall again
knowing that
at the end of the height,
i’d be welcomed by

a hard

concrete

floor;

cemented by

life’s greatest work — fate.

i can’t wait

to stop

o v e r t h i n k i n g.

put me out
of this misery,
by telling me

“i’m here.”
you know anxiety attacks you suddenly? especially when you don’t expect it at all?
i’m having one right now.

so instead of sulking, here’s a ****** piece i made. this is what goes on my mind at its rawest.

i present to you, me in my purest form. my darkness which i try to fight everyday.

but instead of giving in, i give it out. i weave this uncoventional thread to art.

i’ll thrive.
japheth Apr 2018
you tell me i’m your last —
that you won’t ever find love again,

that i would be the one
to close the doors to your heart.

the one to lock it.

the final door keeper.

“it has been an honor.”

i say with content
as i close it slowly.

you thought
you’d never find
love again —

that i threw away
the key somewhere
far away,

but little did you know,

i left the key
in the lock.

knowing that
someday,
someone
will stumble
upon your door.

and right when you least expect it,

you’ll hear

the lock unlatch,

the door creak,

footsteps coming
towards you,

a familiar set of sounds
you thought you’d never hear again.

but this time,
from somebody else.

and you’ll smile,
and say “welcome.”
i wrote this piece while i was talking to someone i’m dating at the moment. this person told me, that if ever this thing we have doesn’t work out, i’ll be the last person to close it and lock it for good.

i cut this person off and said, “no, i will never allow you to not love again because what we had didn’t work out — i can’t ever do that to someone.”

so in the spur of the moment, i wrote this as an honor to this person, who, regardless of the uncertainty we have, still pursues me.

dear you, i’m cheering for you, even though it doesn’t feel like it, but i hope you find the key my last one threw away in a far away place i have no idea where and you be the one to unlock me.

in the mean time, let’s go with the flow.
japheth Oct 2018
i wish i could write
when i’m happy.

i wish i could write
without reminding myself
that i should be happy.

i wish i could write
not only for myself
but for those whose hearts
were broken
reminding them
that it’s alright
and one day,
they’ll be happy.

i wish i could write.
it’s been awhile, my friends.
i have been focusing on my mental health which is actually doing great.

i’ll practice writing now in this state of mine
japheth Jun 2018
wish i never did that.

****.

i thought the words

“i love you”

were for me?

your someone special?

why am i seeing messages

where you just

throw it away

to the next guy who says it back to you

and is available?

is it because i haven’t said it to you yet?

is it because i’m not worth the entirety of your time?

is it because you think i’m doing the same thing as you?

what am i supposed to do?

should i ask you if what you have with this guy is more special than this?

it’s not okay to lie.

tell me if i bore you.

tell me if i fall short the love you deserve.

tell me if you feel like you’re grasping at straws trying to love me.

tell me.

because if you don’t,

i’ll keep this within me.

it’ll start off small.

it’ll slowly boil.

it’ll eat every emotion i receive from you

and release it as doubt, uncertainty.

when the time comes,

when you feel like i’ll finally say

“i love you”

you’ll hear these words instead,

“i hate you”
i’m an overthinker and because of that i do things just to calm myself.

now i feel like i did something that i would regret.

i opened the messages and saw that my beloved is talking to someone else.

i asked him before if they were over. and he said they were.

i even told him, since we’re only dating, it’s okay for you to date other people since we’re just dating and you are entitled to choose.

but eveything’s different now, we’re exclusive.

i asked him last night if they were over. if he had discussed it over with the guy and he said yes.

i’m not jealous. i’m just mad that he would lie to me.

should i talk to him about it?
japheth Sep 2019
you’re not

unworthy

of love.

they weren’t

just worthy

of yours.
japheth Aug 2018
i thought
our love
was deep
enough
but
apparently,
the wounds
you
inflicted
were deeper.
that’s why im taking my time to heal now that your lashings are gone
japheth Aug 2018
if it meant
i had to write forever
to get to your heart,
then prepare
for the small notes
i’ll pass to you every time i see you smile,
for the little songs
i’ll sing every time you sway your hips and move your soft hands to its beat,
for the poetries, oh god,
for the poetries i’ll continue to write
as if i’m writing a book only your eyes are worth to see,

if i had to write forever
to get to your heart,
then all will be worth it
for i’ll never fall apart.
inspired by To All The Boys I’ve Dated Before. such a sweet love story.
japheth Oct 2018
just keep writing;

write as if the sentences you create
were new languages waiting to be translated

write as if the words side by side
were meeting each other for the first time

write as if the letters on your keyboard, or the ink of your pen
were only created just to make the masterpiece you’re creating.

and don’t doubt yourself ever.

for the words you write,
may be someone’s sorrows,
may be someone’s joy,
may be someone’s hope for tomorrow.
japheth Aug 2018
i’ll keep writing
not because
i’m not okay.

i’ll keep writing
because
it’s okay to feel this way
and i know
my words will reach
those whose pain
are far greater
than mine

— and they’ll feel the same way
soon enough.
japheth Nov 2018
i wish
i could forget
your zodiac sign
so i wouldn’t have
to read yours
after i read mine.
zodiac horoscope love moving on pain feel emotion

— The End —