keep your eyes closed love.

           e     t      
       m           i
    o                 m
s                        e  
                            s     all you have to
                                                                ­
                                                                ­ l                  to is what the sound
                                                           ­      i            n
                                                  ­                s           e
                                                               ­          t

                                                              ­                               v
                                                               ­                         a        e
                             ­                                          of the  w               s
                                                               ­                                       
                         ­                                                                 ­            tells  you
                                                                ­                                        to do.

Step 1: Get out of bed
Step 2: Look in the mirror
Step 3: Practice your smile
Step 4: Eyedrops to hide the red eyes
Step 5: Conceal the dark circles
Step 6: Breathe
The curtains are almost up
Step 7: Lock down the pain
Step 8: Ignore the weight on your chest
Step 9: Silence the screams inside of your mind
Step 10: Choke down the sobs
Step 11: Ignore the stinging in your eyes
Step 12: Swallow past the tightness in your throat
You’ve put on this show a million times
Step 13: Don’t let them see
Times up. Curtains up. Camera rolling

April 15, 2018. 11.11am - "Make a wish!"

"Did you make one?"

         I did, I wished for the impossible with all the might of my heart.

"Yep, I did."

         If only you knew, I wish for this with every beat of my heart on
         the daily.

"What is it?"

         I wished for everyday to be like this, I wished to wake up next to
         you, I wished to stay with you.

"I can't tell you, then it won't come true."

         We were meant to say goodbye from the beginning,
         The universe brought you to me, only to leave me attached
         and longing, knowing you'll have to be ripped out my life.
        
I ask myself sometimes, why did I let this happen?

Then I look at our hands, our present, intertwined, even if momentarily, I understand.

To be able to love, to be able to miss, to feel this kind of pain, to go through scrolls of memories with you, to understand depths of myself that were once shallows.

Our paths were always carved into two,

I can only wish,

our paths can come become one again.

Through all the kisses and tears, I'll be yours.

Always.

read a thousand love stories,
pause, rest awhile,
read ten thousand more,
and then deny equality.

If you ask for no more than you can give,
you ask for not enough

love is imbalance not an equation,
with a single solution

love has both constants and variable factors

so you write of tribulations and tributes
so you write of lamentations and liftings

you think you are on the same page
perhaps
but do we not all read at different paces?

one of you is solid, one is dotted and dashed
one of you is straight, one is bent, forever curving

when you think you are
in balance
in the same place
in syncopation

perhaps you are for a moment
a calculus of one point on a trajectory

and you say I can only ask for what I give
and am given
and no more,
you have miscalculated

this flux
flummoxed
when the old terrain is flayed flat
but thru the windshield you see the
plateau ends, the geography unknown,

when you see unknown
when you seek the unknown
when you give from places you did not know
you had to give from
when you kiss a hand
for  twenty minutes more than than the one minute you intended
when you give more than is asked
when you ask for more than you can you think you can give
the imbalance is the only concert
the imbalance is the the only constant

how do I know this?
what are my credentials?
you are not a teenage girl,
what matters of what you know of these matters?

I am who I am
a diversity of man and manner
I am past prime and in decline
but this I know
for having failed ten thousand poem times
you must ask for more than one can give

but that's not fair!

silly one, still wretched confused,
even after one hundred
thousand poem times

you must ask of
yourself
more than you can give
and ask no less
demand no less

a body in emotion is not a body in rest
when the imbalance is too great or insufficient
then you write a poem
look in the mirror that cannot lie
and move
on
or
move
off

and begin to ask
yourself
to whom may I give myself
more than is asked
then you have finally asked
the correct solution to the
unsolvable equation

Ivy has style
Ivy puts on dresses and heels
Ivy reads books
Ivy talks about books
Ivy lies to her father
Ivy eats at expensive restaurants and pays with her mother’s card
Ivy is beautiful and wild
Ivy is strange and vicious
Ivy drinks more than she should
Ivy eats less than necessary
Ivy has a bottle of ***** and a coke in her car
Ivy has a parking ticket on the windshield
Ivy busily rolls a joint and goes outside
Ivy sits on a cold curb and smokes elegantly
What else can I say about Ivy?
Ivy has a beautiful, slim handwriting
Once Ivy kissed as if she was eating soup
Ivy is poisonous or so she thinks
Ivy is impressed by "stupid" crazy stories, such as "Naked Lunch"
Sometimes Ivy dances to Britney Spears
Ivy likes "Love" by Gaspar Noé
Ivy likes to re-enact classical paintings: Venus, Ophelia,…
Ivy buys matching underwear from Agent Provocateur
Kisses make Ivy’s back, neck, and face blush
Not a solid fill-in red, but marble blotches
Ivy has piercings on her ******* and down there
Ivy has scars from a razor blade: a triangle on her chest and "Anathema" on her hip
Ivy has a streak of tragedy in her
I like Ivy