Everywhere I look, there's an emptiness
where you’re supposed to be.
I told the doctors how I see nothing in everything,
so they prescribed pills to help me see.

My room is always so cold
but your breath was so hot.
I told the doctors I still feel it on my neck
so they gave me more pills to make it stop.

I took the pills for years
but they haven’t helped at all
So I stopped the prescriptions
and started my downward fall.

The doctors will never fully understand
that I will always look for you everywhere I go.
Antidepressants and mood stabilizers are making my mind a
bomb, ready to blow.

I want to move on.
But how can I move on when I owe you so much?
Pain
Tears.
Sleepless nights.
Heartaches.
Time.
Wouldnt it be selfish of me to not give it back?
I owe you that, payback.

-InTheWorldOfCyn

it kills me to say this
but i've forgotten what your voice sounds like

it's been twenty-one days
and i am alive
(sometimes)

i want to drown myself in drugs
i want to drown myself in Jesus
i want to drown myself in self-loathing
i want to drown myself in you

the thought of kissing you
brought me solace on
sleepless nights
now it's the source of
my worst nightmares

i tried making dreams my reality
and reality my dreams
but you haunt every crack and crevice
of my being
i can't dust the places i can't reach

i am not well.

she's the girl you meet
when you're young and reckless

you meet her when
you were expecting another pack of cigarettes
to add to your chain smoking addiction

everyone leaves her
because she is the epitome of
fuzzy blankets
reckless abandon
hopeful sunsets
long terms
unconditional love

and after they realize
the depth of the scars on her heart
they're gone
no explanation

"someday you'll find someone who deserves you"
"don't give up on love because of me, they're not all this bad"
and the worst,
"you're still my best friend"

until someone realizes
she is content with imperfection

she will always be alone

I wonder how it would feel
If your perfect straight white teeth
Left bite marks across my thighs.

She laughs too hard 
She laughs too much 
But she's waiting for death 
And lives to die another day 

She believed in faeries 
And rainbows
Glitter made everything glow 
And laughing made everything seem okay

She forgets too less
And pretends too hard 
So she runs as fast as she can 
From the past 

Until her lungs burn 
Then places her hands on her chest
To feel her heart thump
Like the fear of giving up