Society's strange,
Throwing out judgments that make us want to change
You'll skip a meal to meet their expectations
A few more after that to see how far you'll go

They'll ask you why you're not hungry
And you'll make up some excuse
They'll take the words slipping off your thin cold lips,
as you look at the food on your plate but instead choosing the water in small sips

They'll catch on to the weight you've lost the past few months
The food you've tossed along with your old-beautiful thoughts
They'll seek to find you help, and you'll turn away believing this is "natural beauty"

Weeks go by and you're suffering more then ever,
You see yourself as something this world would never
Society's strange,
Throwing out judgments that make us want to change
Believing the judgment is hard to ignore,
But never seeing yourself as beautiful is more un-healthy then my words before

sometimes i wonder
if the world i live in
is one i made up in my head
that exists only for me

and if that’s true
i don’t mind
because the world i’ve created
is filled with madness
but the best madness i’ve created for myself
is you

I have some secret feelings
Which only I can feel
Which only I have known
And no matter how much something
relates, they won't ever be same
But I cannot write saddest lines like Neruda
nor can I get drunk like Bukowski
with these feelings of mine
They know no words
But they are master of silent dark tortures
Which only I know
When the night engulfs me whole
I shine with inhibitions
They dance over my skins like cataract
And I drown with condemn for myself
I get burnt under water and buried above clouds
And only I can feel it
No matter how deep I hide, these will never leave me
And I know this because I have tried
I sit beside window
My secret feeling glancing at me from moon
from stars, from clouds
and bullies me sometimes with gush of wind, sound of dogs
and engines tht rolls
late at night
The building with a light turned on
in one of the rooms
puppets my feelings with shadows
There lies two beings biting hard at my wounds
And I just sit at my window feeding them
With smokes of metaphors and alcohol of rhymes
Beacause only I can save me
which I fail everytime.
or only she can save me
And I am sure to die of this.

I wish I didn't know you
but it hurts too much when I don't
forever lost in this paradox
you keep slipping and making me watch
because I could never help you
you are too far gone

circling the same questions in my mind
not being able to answer just how we got here
thinking about you makes me sick
especially knowing how much time I have spent
waiting, understanding, giving you chances
it should have killed me

I may have lost all reasoning as to why I exist.

Bitter winter winds have broken
into biting rains - it's soaking
earthen muck, 'neath unsure footing,
inebriated lush.
As I took my leave of gathered
friends and spirits, nothing mattered.
My farewell you found off-putting,
Saw you start to blush.

The simple act of placing lips
against your tender fingertips
would find you fleeing up the stairs.
Just turn and walk away.
Unspoken token, affection
of a deepening connection.
Not one word said, not one soul cares,
but I can't look away.

I wait and watch you disappear
through the fading smoke and mirrors.
I thought one day you'd call again,
never ending silence
echoes out the only mistake
that I'd ever admit to make,
for on that night I lost a friend.
Self-inflicted silence.

you are my favorite regret --
you are the only one
who can make me cringe
at the memories of us
on a drunken night
with only the lamp faintly glowing.

you remind me of a battlefield.
you have a sword for a tongue
and i have only bare skin as my shield.
with every cruel word you mutter,
i begin to bleed,
and surrender to them.