I find myself on long walks.
I enjoy nature. It calms me
to be surrounded by trees
that tower over me.
They look like the large
giants that I used to slay
when I was a kid.
I used to imagine I was a knight.
I used to imagine my future life.
I was optimistic,
           I was bright

This cold walk brings me to a simple place.
A quiet,
            happy setting.

As the snow falls over head,
it brushes gently on my cheek.

At its cold touch, I am brought back to reality.

I am reminded
that these trees aren’t dead.
They are dormant.
They won't feel the same for months

I only hope that one day,
I can live like the trees.

I pray that like the trees,
               I won't feel dead for long.

she asks him
do you believe

in magic?

in ghosts?

in angels?

and he thinks
he does

he'd rather talk about
how soft she is
and how lonely
he's been

he doesn't understand
the magnetism
that draws him
toward her

he doesn't understand
the poetry
that happens
in confused conversations

he doesn't understand
walls

or conflict
that advances and withdraws
with no warning

he can't see her blue skies
and doesn't know
that they bring real tears
that fade when
the rain comes

these things almost never
end well

maybe she should have asked
do you believe in me?

I keep sleeping because
when I sleep I don't
get to think of you.

196 lb
average male weight
ego not included

156 lb
average female weight
although one spoken sentence hits like a ton of bricks

20 lb
unsaid words,
searing, left in your throat

10 lb
“It won’t happen again”
guns for vocal chords

40 lb
a dead car battery

25 lb
for every bullet he left inside her spirit

a scale says 167 pounds
body mass measured
heavy heart unaccounted

19.30 g
roughly the weight of a wedding ring
she’s seen three removed from three different fingers

1.5 g
enough for six rotations
enough to feel zero

1.5 oz
enough for a shot
take six to feel a hundred

10 million tons
the weight of a star

10 million tons
the thought of her

we are loaded
dense
filled

made-to-break
paper-made
carbon-bounded
­heart-strung
fire-resistant

the weight we carry is not the
numbers on the scale
we are much more than the pounds we gain
the aches that we hold
the tears that did not fall

living with a hallowed heart does not make it any less heavier

these light words were not meant for these paper limbs
gravity could care less

we are pressured
felt
squeezed
until broken
forevermore

built strong
lasts shortly
bulldozed by just one fallowed swoop
we are demolished

you could build your vessel as ravenous and as merciless as you can
only to be held down by the world
we are defied

measured
counted
hated
loved
we are

I cried for you last night again,
...and swore it'd be the last
Then as I slept I dreamt of you,
...and tears fell twice as fast

Dearest Dear,

    This is my last attempt
    The very same people
    who I'm going to miss.
    Tears stream down my cheek.
    My head feels heavy,
    limbs go weak.
    Darkness surrounds me.
    Blankness,
    no sound
    I feel my body drifting
    I hear a scream, I hear a moan
    Oh Guardian Angel!
    It was my family
    I want my family back.
    No sound out my mouth,
    Only in my mind.
    No one to help me,
    No one for me to find.
    I start to yell...
    Please get me out of this hell!
    Please get me out of this hell!
    I give up!!!!
    
     I open my eyes, and look around
     I am  lying in a hospital bed
     No one makes a sound
     "Sorry" is all I say.
     Mother starts crying,  Father is sad.
     I got a bear hug from Papa.
     I still manage a small smile,
     And close my eyes for a while.
     Forget all the bad days,
     I'm leaving them in the past.
     Misty clouds vanish and,
     The new Aurora commence.
          
    * Sincerely
    * Haritha

i cannot recall the last time
I could utter my thoughts without
being tripped up by undercurrents of terror and guilt and anxiety
surrounding my parents
my father can hardly even stand
to look at me anymore and perhaps
that is why I've smashed so many
mirrors and used them to hurt myself
instead
my mother throws words at me
like blows
and when I'm not supposed to be listening
the sounds of their voices creep
up on me and i am on my hands
and knees begging a god I don't believe in
to strip me of my hearing
because hearing my own mother
say that if I'm going to starve myself
it's a waste of money to even try
and feed me
eats away at my insides far more
than the hunger clawing at my stomach
and my thoughts are tripping over themselves trying get out from underneath the cloud of blame that storms on my parents
and I spend days upon days trying to ease them through this and be okay and I wind up with bruised knees
and a pale complexion
and an black tar heart