are you still there?
underneath all that anger?
do you still care?

or is my dead heart reading
too much into your words again
do i still have a part

of your heart that still beats?
or is your heart as dead as mine?
do you still burn for me?

or am I just a faded memory?
I miss you daily, the you I knew
when you didn't hide from me

are you still fire or are you now ash?
should I mourn or rejoice
at you coming back...

I do not want to write about people I care for anymore.
It seems like it is only in these words
that their presence is born.
They only live in these lines
and the blank pieces of paper.
They stay there
while I continue to stare
at the silent and solitary air.

I'll wait for you forever
till stars forget to shine,
and oceans become puddles,
words no longer rhyme

Till deserts turn to gardens
where flowers go to bloom,
the grass is red, the skies are green,
the dawn brings out the moon

Till rain is something very dry
and butterflies drive trucks,
when every pond is chocolate sauce
with candy coated ducks

Till basements have a penthouse view
with windows three floors high
and stairways are a place to swim
no matter how you fly

Till mountains are a level path
that you will go to walk
and silence now becomes a way
for every one to talk

Till everything we've ever known
is gone and disappeared
The world does end, there's nothing more
just like we always feared

Till broken hearts are happy,
tears a welcome site
Night comes at the break of day
and daytime looks like night

I'll wait for you forever
until the end of time
It matters not how long it takes
if I can call you mine

As if bound
and chained
to a rock
in the middle
of a vast, hot
desert,
I wait;
Praying for
a salvation
which might
come eventually...
*...Maybe.

I was a caterpillar ,
before I became a butterfly .
The pain I had to endure in order to transform into the beauty I am today .
This is my tale .

In the forest there was,
My cocoon wrapped in the finest silk,
With a power to live in a colorful world.
To dream and conquer goals.
A Vivacious soul spinning in the purest silk
Growing and maturing as I spun.
Wishing for freedom with my beautiful wings,
Counting the days to be free and soar
as a lively butterfly
until
You winded into my community
Lured my queen and her uneven monarch.
Tempted to sabotage my purity.
For that you,
Lured yourself into my vulernable cocoon
with that trust,
you decided to disrupt my process.
How can one man ruin my nesting site?
And I had faith in you ,
to be a figure
I never had.
I wanted.
My heart ached for it.
I needed it.
To be loved .
To be nurtured.
To never be like those stray dogs
looking for a home.
This was the moment .
Where....
Innocence stripped, heart captured.
My Freedom gone.
You were naive to comprehend
On what you were doing...
You would stab my cocoon
with your sickening poison .
Over and over you stabbed .
Ruptured the veins of my innocence .
To break my finest silk .
Purity banished.
Stabbing your poison was
Making my cocoon
useless ,
worthless ,
unwanted,
colorless,
I tried to run and I tried to scream
but I was devoured by this poison
It was the love I deserve.
Couldn't escape , numb to the pain
For every poison injected, I began to
Question God?
Where was he ?
when I shed out a tear of help.
Where was he?
when my cocoon was destroyed.
Was I loved God?
when I muffled help in your name.
I hated myself ,
I stay in my cocoon
afraid to see my future.
I wasn't going to be a beautiful butterfly
Battered Butterfly
My life seemed to be colorless
No one wants a battered butterfly
My life....
It seemed it had ended
when poison sunk onto my helpless body .
No one wants a battered butterfly
Imprisoned to these chains.
Being poisoned every night by different
Predators.
Oh God....
Those predators ...
Battered lifeless little butterfly
Was I ever loved in my nesting site?
But then again nobody loves a battered butterfly
How can I reach to heaven when
I was worthless.
Believed I was a vile *****.
Tricked into a poison of hell.
Battered Ugly Butterfly
***** Little butterfly.
There was no light in tunnel
There was no holes in my silk
To escape this poisonous nest.
Why?
Because I believe nobody wants save a battered butterfly
How can the man I trusted ruined me.
I thought you could be the one to complete my lovely monarch .
To complete the missing piece.
But you continued to misuse me.
To haunt me.
To barricade my heart
To own my soul
But one thing I can truly say
You never once won over me.
You never imprinted my change.
I endured your pain
That was a sign of God
To show me what strength I am capable of.
That was the light that I found,
You had no control to inflict pain anymore.
Because I became impervious to your pain.


I am a beautiful butterfly
reigning over my monarch
with no thought of you.
**That is my freedom

I am incomplete, like a part of me is missing,



It wasn’t an absolute, it came over time



Amongst a tangle of knotted days.



In dreams, it screams, find the missing jigsaw,



And on the edge of awakeness,



In the fuzzy champagne light of a new dawn,



I almost capture it.



But it hides like a viper in the grass,



Moving the blades, yet impossible to see.



Involuntarily my awareness,



Diminishes the power of the scream.



In the mirrors of eternity



I dare to glimpse for the missing in me.



But all I get is a hollow blankness,



My waking mind defies who I am!



I knock on the door of unconsciousness



Begging with a bowl of fruits of mind,



Yet a barricade of steel like strength



Blocks my entrance.



I break down tiny fragments that rise to surface,



Yet this primordial desire to search



Is unrequited, unblessed, ignored.

You had me at hello
No, you had me at the first syllable
You had me at the inhale before you spoke
You had me always
But I never had you
My biggest regret was not choosing you
I had you in the palm of my hand
And promised I had you secured
Within the knuckles of my grasp
And you started slipping
All the girls whispered about the boy
with the dark eyes and beautiful smile
And how could they not?
What chance did I have
I can see in his eyes he's empty
Maybe that's what the drugs are for
Although he'd never admit it
I know he's so much more than he makes himself out to be
He'd be the best worst decision of my life
But in the end it's him

It's always been him