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 May 2014 felicia
Mahalea Isis
He makes me feel beautiful
Which I have never felt before
I've always had my doubts and could never be too sure
Cause they told me I was ugly
They told me I was fat
They joked about me and never had regrets

And I sat there and I laughed it off but it hurt me inside
So bad that I got off the bus and ran straight to my room to cry
And I got on my knees and prayed at my window and asked the lord
"Why is this happening to me?" and it started when I was four
And yes, I still remember that far back
Cause being bullied is it's own feeling of being jumped or attacked

And *he makes me feel beautiful

Cause he looks me in my eyes and tells me that I am and I can tell it's not a lie...
Because instead of posting pictures I have edited and cropped
And having boys tell me I'm pretty through messages in my inbox...

He makes me feel beautiful
Cause he means what he says
And a few other people have told me I am cute but I thought they were just kidding
Cause I have programmed myself to thinking my beauty is forbidden
Which means that I could never be a girl that is praised
For her good looks, her perfect body, and her Aphrodite face.

He makes me feel beautiful
Cause even though I have flaws
He accepts them and makes me feel like I have none at all
So maybe I am pretty and I am starting to think better
Of myself instead of looking in the mirror with a look so bitter

He makes me feel beautiful
And when he tells me so with such a serious voice, I get chills
Cause he's the first person that hasn't made me feel completely ill
By insulting or pointing out one of my many imperfections
But instead trying to help get rid if that negative venom
That people have slowly injected into my mind
Making my optimism die slowly over time
Making me get violent and defensive and making me less kind
To the point I get a rush to commit a deadly crime

Then they say I'm crazy and continue with the names
It's a cycle, a stupid circle, a horrible made up game
That has expanded to the point where death is how you win
And I would of won this game if it wasn't for my kin

He makes me feel beautiful outside and in
So I wrote this in dedication to that special him
For helping me realize more than ever in my life
That maybe I am beautiful and I've been this way for a very long time...
Inspired by my ex-boyfriend and was written while we were together. A very personal and deep poem to me about how he made me actually feel perfect for the first time in my life.
 May 2014 felicia
Mahalea Isis
Suicidal Rain
Can you feel the pain?
It pours over me as it burns my skin
There is no kin
There is no friends
There is no end
But to put an end to you
Mom said it’s the end for him who is committing
But this is only a start for the committee

A journey to sadness
Tears fill you up
You cry and you have everything running through your mind

But you just put that gun up to your head
Put that knife up to your skin
Put that rope up to your neck
Put that pill bottle to your lips
Put your feet on that ledge and you don’t even think

Actions speak louder than words
When you can no longer speak
Suicide is a coward’s way out they said
Or maybe a paradise for the weak
Cause life picks you up and knocks you down
But sometimes so hard you want to stay on that ground
And don’t make a sound
So no one turns around
Cause you don’t want help
You just want a way out

So there comes the night
And you do what you believe is right
And you black out
No more thoughts,
No more sights,
No more sighs,
No more fright
No more light
No more any of that
You don’t have to try

While family sits by the casket and cries
"Why oh why?"
"What could we have done!"
Young life is supposed to be filled with fun

Fame comes with heartache, hurt, and drama
But once you leave the hurt is all on ya dad and momma
Or whoever you love
And they wonder is he down below or up above
You pray to God “Forgive me for this is the last of my sinning”
But with doing all this are you losing or winning?
You got out of a life that caused you sadness
But left people with unheard cries and madness

Cause sometimes it’s better to let things go
Because those hints you gave just didn’t show
Not until the action was finished
And every single piece of life was already diminished

So from all of this, what did we gain
From the horrible thoughts that you brought to life and attained
And from the messages you put out there, we thought you were playing
And not in the process of another life just slowly decaying

And people send their condolences and say it’s a shame
It’s more than shame, it’s a sequence to the chain
And now the only wish is for life to be the same
But how could it be when you’ve already felt that suicidal rain?
Wrote this about one of my favorite YouTubers who committed suicide last year. I also incorporated my own feelings that I had when I thought about suicide into this poem.
 May 2014 felicia
Taigu Ryokan
have you forgotten me
or lost the path here?
i wait for you
all day, every day
but you do not appear.
 May 2014 felicia
Momo
Perfection
Is
Just
A
Myth
From
The
Pits
Of
Insecurity
My melodious bulbs,
that spring in Mother Nature's melody,
your petals, indifferent to the next one over,
as if you were the phalanx working against the Persians,
at the Battle of Marathon.

The way the leaves always sprout,
from my tree I had always referred to as "Hank,"
as he bleeds out glistening vermilion buds,
to only release emerald plains, to expose to the world, to become a source,
of both food, and shelter.

My shelter of the world,
how the branches curl themselves around the sunlight,
as forming a dome over my head,
keeping me safe from all that is
crime
blood
offense
war
sickness
death
complexities
torture

I­ enjoy to watch the animals live,
as the birds soar into the sky,
singing their songs in unison.

The rabbits in the field, feeding upon the lilies and grass,
oh look, there resides a wild ferret,
and a non-domestic fox,
and soon the scene becomes bleak,
covered in flies and vulture shadows,
as the children lash out in the scene,
remaining fighters brawl for the corpses.

mother nature is happy.
what i wrong with me i tried to write a happy poem hahaha
 May 2014 felicia
Aditi
us
 May 2014 felicia
Aditi
us
take me somewhere far way
without telling me
a place no one knows anything about
WHERE YOU SMILE, THAT'S WHERE I WANNA BE
that's my destiny

let us leave the time behind
and let the world fade into obscurity
everyone who knows us and everyone we know
will
become a small dot in
our-rear view mirror

let the walls of our home
be made of our own memories
let us lie next to each other
till eternity
your arms will be the shore of this river i.e me
where you smile, that's where my destination is

        to the lane of my heart, you came like shower
and drenched the caravans of my thoughts with your essence

         to the darkened alley of my mind, you came like sunlight
          enlightened the dreams of my soul


now that i have tasted the sweet feeling of love,
   i don't want to ever let go
i promise you darling, you'll be all that i ever need
without you, everything ain't enough,
with you, i'll make do, with anything

   a silent promise that my heart did to you
   the first day you held me tightly


so, dear darling,
won't you take me to that place
a place where my dream is reality
and reality seems to be the dream
A place where i wake up to the light in your eyes
or sleep to the beats of your heart as my goodnight lullaby

*Ro,
please take me to the place
where there's no You Or I
just us-
two lost souls who found themselves in each other;
free-falling
defying the law of gravity.
Free-falling..into each others arms, till the end of time
again, it needs lot of editing.
 May 2014 felicia
Alyssa Williams
I wonder what brought on the plague inside of me
Was it the fight with the reflections
that brought on this anger, the insecurity?
Or was it the people who left my battle- they faked their affection and stranded me with my mind?
My prison.
This place where I'm eternally confined.
 May 2014 felicia
Rachel Ueda
Piercing hot water
Stabs my flesh
But no matter how
Hard I scrub
I can't get it of my
Chest
I tried bathing
In bleach
But it just burned
It in deeper
I tried bowing my
Head and ask
For forgiveness
But all I got was
Mumbled words in
A silent deliverance
I opened the
Darkness in the
Holes of my heart
Remembering the evil
In hopes I could
See it as painful art
But no matter how
Hard I try
I cannot purge
Myself of my oldest
Addiction
And I know it's time
To hand myself my own
Conviction
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