it pains me to know that i won't get to see the people i care about
that they will eventually be far from me
maybe that's why i tend to push people away
thinking what's the point of being so close to someone
when eventually we'll be apart anyway

but God has been teaching me to love others wholeheartedly
to see each person as someone who He died on the cross for
to see as He sees
to hear as He hears
and to love like He loves

i don't know if i'll be gone tomorrow
tomorrow is not guaranteed
therefore i will love relentlessly
forgive others as God has forgiven me
and to live knowing my purpose and desire is to make His name known and not my own

1.) life is fleeting. live in the moment.
2.) people never call anymore. call your mom. call your grandma. call your old friend that you haven't talked to in middle school but wished you knew how they were doing.
3.) one of the worst things in life is to sit at your deathbed with regrets. all those "i wish," "i could have," "i should have"...just do what you're scared to do. it means you're about to do something really brave.
4.) people can't read your mind. no matter how close you are with that other person, they are not a mind-reader. just say what you're feeling, thinking, going through.
5.) you never really know what someone else is going through. show God's love to them.
6.) we forget while we're getting older, our parents are getting older too. cherish the time you have with them while you can.
7.) it's normal to feel lonely and to feel lost, especially in your 20's.
8.) don't worry; everyone else doesn't know what they're doing either.
9.) stop thinking you need to make all these societal milestone "achievements." people grow at different rates.
10.) no one will ever fully and completely understand you like God does. there's that saying: "God loves you more in a moment than anyone could in a lifetime." it's true.

i try to speak, but my native tongue is silence.

i used to think that home was a place until i found You.

i'm 23, and i've come to realize what people mean when they say that your 20's is the hardest decade, because i feel it. i feel it hard.
sometimes i question why life must be so hard, but i know that suffering produces endurance, endurance; character, and character; hope, and hope does not put us to shame in Christ Jesus.
each day feels like a routine and sometimes it's hard to get out of bed, but i will thank God for the breath He's given me, and although i may not know what lies ahead, i know that He will guide me. but i have to make the step.

when you look back at your life
are you gonna regret the things you didn't do
or look back and say
i did all that i could
and be satisfied with the way you lived

don't live in your head so much
and wait for things to happen
or things to come to you
sometimes you gotta make things happen yourself

so don't get caught up in the past or the future too much
be in the present
do what you can
with what you have
stop living in the shadows
and let the light shine

tell me about the things
you've been proud of
or wished you've could have done

maybe i am too afraid to love for the fear of getting hurt.

her soul aches
she has never felt this empty before
inside she carries a hurt so deep
yet she puts on a mask
pretending to be happy
when she is not
at all

she feels lost
lost for words
she does not know where to go
but she continues to walk
with the little strength she has inside her
to keep going on

she fights inside herself
why must i feel so gray like this she asks herself
but life is not always sunshine and rainbows
through the hurt
through the trials
through the suffering
we build endurance
and endurance builds character

unapologetically, I will be.

i want to say "i love you" and "thank you" too much than too little.

i feel like i've always never been good with words
maybe that's why i talk inside my head so much
afraid to share what's on my mind
and heart
of being judged
sounding weird
or stupid
but true beauty
is meant to be felt
not seen or heard

sometimes i feel so deeply or not at all...

people who don't accept you at your worst don't deserve you at your best.

a lot of people put celebrities
and well-known figures
on pedestals
like they are gods or idols
but if you really think about it
they're just like you and i
as different as we all might be
all of us are more alike
than we realize

there is liberation in showing your authentic self.
no more hiding, no more trying too hard, feeling ashamed, feeling embarrassed.
there's no need to feel that way.
be authentic.

We don't take the time to appreciate what we have until it's gone. Count your blessings. Take nothing for granted.

my favorite color has always been blue
most people may associate blue with sadness
which can be true
but blue is also
the color of
the ocean
and the sky
so blue is not such a sad color afterall
i think blue is my favorite color
because even though it may be a "sad" color
it still is beautiful
the days where there are blue skies
the days where you gaze off
into the distance of the vast ocean
i think that's why blue is my favorite color

she missed her childhood photos, so she asked her mother if she could find them. she wanted to look at how happy she was when she was little. look at that smile, she said, while holding a picture of when she was five. that smile; so vibrant, bright, and gleaming. would she be able to smile like that again? she saw so much color in her world, now her days are filled with hues of black and gray. she feels as though her world now has gone cold. but those memories of the past remind her that although she doesn't feel happy now, there is always hope. hope that things will get better. she just needs to find the light around her, and within herself, to keep going despite the pain.

she saw beauty in everything but herself.

we may feel like we have all the time in the world,
or maybe that time moves too fast.
but sometimes,
i think we don't realize that
tomorrow is not guaranteed.
we may not realize what we have
until it's gone...
so seize the day.
live your life to the fullest.
because anything can happen in a day.

We tell people to be themselves
Yet we judge them when they're being themselves

there are days where i do not want to write
where i leave my thoughts in the cupboards of my mind
where i lay in bed drowning in a sea of overthinking

there are days where i do not want to write
afraid that someone will find the notebook held with secrets meant only to be seen for my own eyes

there are days where i do not want to write
because i do not have the energy to pick up a pen and scribble down all the feelings and emotions from my heart
it is all too much sometimes to even think

there are days where i do not want to write
because i don't think my words will be heard, seen, or understood
so i keep silent
like i always have

there are days where i do not want to write
but i know that writing heals
so even when i'd rather do nothing and leave my thoughts in my mind
i will tell myself gently to write
to spill out the water that's been holding inside these ribcages for so long
in order for myself to heal

She has been in the shallows for so long because she is afraid to go to the deep end. But she casts that fear aside and takes her heart with her. For being in the shallowness limits oneself in what they can do.

she told herself to extend kindness to others
even when she could not do the same to herself

be kind
for everyone you meet
is fighting a hard battle

these days, i feel like i'm drowning.
stressed.
tired to even do anything...
feeling out of control.
like nothing ever goes right.
feeling distant from God, from everyone, actually...

i know i can come to God as i am,
but i feel too messed to approach Him or pray.
i'll be honest, i haven't genuinely prayed in a long time.
i've been setting my mind on earthly things, rather than of God.
i know no matter how messed up i am, God embraces me.
i need His embrace.
i need His peace.
i need His comfort.
God, i need You, more than ever.
i'm tired, desperate, lonely, afraid, anxious, worried...
give me more of You.
You're all that i need.

education doesn't stop
after you get your college diploma,
your grad school diploma,
your ph.d...
education is life.
keep learning daily.
also don't forget that
God's wisdom is far higher
than human wisdom.
seek His wisdom above
human wisdom.
and most importantly,
live it out with your
deeds and actions,
not just your words.

she puts in her headphones
to get away from the world
and the chaos in her mind
"music," she thought to herself, "is my escape."

sometimes we expect so much from people, because we would be willing to do the same thing for them.

I wanted to live until I was one hundred years old when I was a child
Now I want to live a fully lived life
Everything in this world has an expiration date
We will all pass away and become dust
But how do I want my time on this earth to be spent?
Spent worrying about the things happened in the past
Time wasted with people who do not see my self worth or value
or don't even acknowledge my presence
The words I held back because I was too afraid to say them
for fear of judgment
The words I wanted to say to the people I cherish the most in my life
but didn't say them because I was too embarrassed or hesitant

This life is but a vapor
And I want to live each and every second of it
thankful for each breath God has so graciously gifted me with
I don't know if I'll die tomorrow
Tomorrow is not guaranteed

“Be weird. Be random. Be who you are. Because you never know who would love the person you hide.” // C.S. Lewis

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all." // Oscar Wilde

"I know God listens to my heartbeat on His iPod. It reminds Him that we still got work to do." // Rudy Francisco

"Sometimes I'm the mess.
Sometimes I'm the broom.
On the hardest days, I have to be both."
~Rudy Francisco

maybe we're not scared of death. maybe it's that we're more scared of showing who we really are, to only end up rejected.

I wanna go on late night drives with the windows down,
blasting loud good music into the wind, to feel alive.
I wanna go to more art museums, to feel inspired by what people can make with their mind and hands.
I wanna laugh until my belly hurts, the good kinda hurt, to remember that it's good to have some humor in life.  
After a hard day, laughing it off helps.
I wanna go on more road trips with friends to the beach and to the mountains, to feel small.
That all my worries compared to everything else are just so little.
I just wanna live my life to the fullest, because it's worth it.

she hasn't spoken to anyone in weeks.
she sits as the world passes by,
unaware of how much heaviness she carries inside her.
her world feels as though it is caving in deeper and deeper,
and she cannot cry out for help,
so she stays silent,
feeling the weight of it all.

it's so easy to get caught up in the future or the past, but it's important to be fully present in the now. as cheesy as it sounds: don't focus on the negative. think positive! what we put into our minds and what we think really does affect how we behave and act. so **** out the negativity, and learn to be grateful for what you do have than what you don't have.

sail over the horizons
let loose your entwined thinking
confined to walls

imagine
don't think too hard
for overthinking
can be treacherous

the moon does not need
to be a full moon
to shine brightly

so do you

i open my eyes and the light hits my face
i toss and turn in my bedsheets, stretching my arms
i inhale breaths of life
and exhale
i am grateful

i am grateful for a roof over my head
a warm bed to sleep on
clean water to drink
and food i can eat

i am grateful for blue skies and sunshine
staring up into the horizons
feeling the warmth consume my body
from the inside out

i am grateful for friends who care about me
saying i was lonely, feeling hurt, and down
giving me a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on

i am grateful for tough days
for without them, how could we be grateful?
learning to appreciate what we have
despite feeling empty and broken

i am grateful for silent moments and days where i sing at the top of my lungs
learning to embrace the still and quiet
taking the time to reflect
that even silent moments have something to teach us
and expressing my joy
dancing like nobody is watching

but most of all, i am grateful for my Savior, Jesus
who bore everything for me on that cross
pursuing me despite my messiness, failures, and sins
fully knowing me and loving me
i am eternally grateful
forever grateful
of each breath He gives me
teaching me to live this life for Him
and not myself
to give glory, honor, and praise to the One who paid my debt

she began to love parts of herself she didn't know she could.

The Creator of E minor, oceans, mountains, glaciers, galaxies, stars, the universe
thought of me before the world
ever came into existence.
He knows the number of hairs on my head.
He understands me more than any human being who's spent a lifetime with me.
He formed me and knit me in my mother's womb.
He counts the stars and knows them by their name,
and yet He thought of me.
He loved me so much that He sent His one and only Son to die for me on that cross.
Bearing all my guilt, pride, and shame.
And to think that I am always on His mind.
He is speaking and calling out to me in nature, creation, and still
He calls me beloved.

i've realized i have never or rarely shown my real self with anyone
but my family

and this upsets me
because it means
i am never comfortable enough
to reveal my innermost thoughts, emotions & fears
because i am scared i'll be
rejected, judged, and looked down upon

this is why i keep my true self
hidden

Whether it's something heavy or light, people can feel honesty.