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Sep 2019 · 403
Side Effects
Evan Sep 2019
Side effects.
Inherently present in a drug,
Yet viewed as a separate entity.
Taking what is good,
Weighing it out to decide the outcome.
I’m just left to wonder,
are emotions, love and suffering,
the side effects of being human?
Sep 2019 · 251
Problems
Evan Sep 2019
I wish I could have it all
I could get high and watch it dissolve
Have an adventure in my head
Make the loneliness interesting
I’ve been trying to stop speeding
But I fall down and crash
A trip to the hospital
This time I won’t make it back
I’ve got a list of fears
Greatest being myself
Can’t shake the urge to stop neglecting myself
I don’t value wealth
Too much pressure on my conscious
To remain conscious
The days add up like addition
Couple that with a bad personality
You got addiction
Sharing what’s in my head
Not as good as seeing you in my bed
Swimming doggie paddle
But my muscles are giving out
Sep 2019 · 135
Untitled
Evan Sep 2019
I don’t have a purpose
There is no end
I lost my best friend
Because of my own breath
Who am I then?
Not seeing you next to me in bed
If I had a bullet it’d go straight through
My head
I am made of toxins
Materials that don’t belong
I don’t know why I was born
I don’t want to live too long.
Cut myself up over you
Can’t blame you
Sweetheart
I’m unlovable,
Full of poison
Bleed me
Let me die.
The silence is agonizing
My heart is spent
The mirror looks at me
Who am I
Im ready to die.
Sep 2019 · 635
The bright side.
Evan Sep 2019
God
Sober mind

Healthy diet
Daily medication
Sunrise/sunset meditation
Social interaction
Healthy brain function
Lower blood pressure
Self understanding
Acceptance
Learning
Exercise
Reconnecting/making new friends
No energy theft
Mind to myself
Happiness
Freedom
Goals
Reminding myself I’m where I need to be
Have the power to change the world
Sep 2019 · 124
I know you’re somewhere
Evan Sep 2019
Someone asked me what I was thinking about today.
I don’t like to think anymore,
I don’t value myself,
I will never understand how someone else can be happy.
I’m barely happy when I’m numb.
Digging my own grave,
Slowly but surely I digress.
There’s nobody left listening,
Hearing a dial tone,
Expecting an answer.
I know you’re somewhere,
Better you than me.
I see you acting strange
I can tell it’s not love.
My future looks bright,
There is no future for me,
I’ll lead myself to the grave
Oh.
Aug 2019 · 190
Reality 2
Evan Aug 2019
Keep your heart full
As you were born
All the colors, sights, sounds, were exciting.
There’s a lot of people who run their heart on empty,
A lot of them fall victim to the trivialities of society.
Money, social unrest, internal tension,
You must keep your heart unscathed,
For it is perfect in Love when you were born.
Remain unmoved by those who oppose you,
Remember they are already numb.
Aug 2019 · 160
Emmanuel
Evan Aug 2019
I have so many questions
You’ve already answered
So I’m not anxious during the day
I think about creation
I think about how special
How precious and whole the Earth is
But I leave it hanging
Trust is scarce nowadays
My God
My Lord
my God & Lord
The gates are open,
The blood was poured,
I call on your name
Emmanuel,
God of Israel,
Blessings unto Your holy name.
Aug 2019 · 173
A Poem By Emily Prime
Evan Aug 2019
Do not lose time on daily trivialities.
Do not dwell on petty detail.
For all of these things melt away and drift apart within the obscure traffic of time.

Live well and live broadly.
You are alive and living now.
Now is the envy of all of the dead.
Aug 2019 · 158
Through my eyes
Evan Aug 2019
In my eyes I see colors
In my eyes I see intricate patterns
In my eyes I see fractals and geometric heaven
In my eyes a railroad hurries on twists and turns
In my eyes there’s a psychedelic sock hop

In my head I miss the details
In my head I paint a false portrait
In my head I worry about petty mistakes

But it is
In my mind I escape them
In my mind I become part of the beauty
In my mind I can become anything I want
For it is
In my mind where I hold that power.
Aug 2019 · 293
Reality
Evan Aug 2019
By
Chaotic
Uncertain
Strange
Questionable
Quantifiable means

To take us back to understanding
Who we already are.
What will happen is infinity.
The consequence is perfection.
The root of that being Love.
You can’t understand perfection,
Because it doesn’t exist.
Read between the lines.
Aug 2019 · 130
Dream Journal 2
Evan Aug 2019
I’ve been really excited,
To reach my full potential.
I know that sounds odd.
Not like me.
For wherever I head,
Whoever deserves my presence,
Will achieve it.
I deal with my problems,
Emotional battles like a man.
And to the future I am humbled,
God I’ve felt mountains move,
For my whole life,
And I’m wondering
How much potential there is.
For who I am.
For what my soul is going to achieve.
For the people I share my energy with.
They can see my potential.
My greatest enemy is myself.
I know that.
Learn from my mistakes.
I die every single night.
Every day I wake up,
A new man.
Aug 2019 · 156
Little dark age
Evan Aug 2019
See me for who I am
Take me with the wind
I will go anywhere
I will burn myself down

Burn me down
If it helps you sleep
Darling that’s what I want

My thoughts are that of an observer
I understand my higher self
I am not in control
Rather I am just a seeker.

In love
The plan is prosperous
In hate
The plan remains stagnant

One thing I should say though
Keep your schedule open.
You are at the whim of everything around yourself.

Nature
Time
Knowledge.
Take heed to my instructions
Self discovery is the greatest gift.
Acceptance is the icing on the cake.
Positivity are the roots
And Love is life.
Aug 2019 · 118
The Therapist
Evan Aug 2019
Closed eye visuals
Fractals.
Textured tunnel vision
Collapsing kaleidoscope.
Butterfly wings
Electric charges.
Spinning hieroglyphics
Hue blend
Beings.
Entities of nature.
Aug 2019 · 137
cat
Evan Aug 2019
cat
I will forever always wonder what my cat is thinking.
Aug 2019 · 180
Dream journal 1
Evan Aug 2019
Vivid
Void, and boundless

_-

Amber colored petals
Rich violet flowers
Golden leaves.
This is such a little chunk
Of what really is
Beauty has no bounds
It is all around us.
Aug 2019 · 131
Lucifer Sam
Evan Aug 2019
Lucifer, go to sea
Be a hip cat
Be a ship’s cat
Somewhere, anywhere
That cat’s something I can’t explain

At night prowling, sifting sand
Hiding around on the ground
He’ll be found when you’re around.

I can’t explain
Sam is something that’s in now
A fashion trend
Sam is my mind
Or is that too complex
I bid you well
Forever
To never be tamed
Sam.
Aug 2019 · 119
Infinity has no color
Evan Aug 2019
You were made of infinity
But infinity has no color
We all know that.
You are infinity
An endless expanse.
I am infinity
I am You.
There is no other
It is all one.
Aug 2019 · 312
8.25.19
Evan Aug 2019
I will wait for you,
We said to each other
Simultaneously.
Love in both of our eyes.
We love talking about when we were babies
Comparing our parents’ genome and trying to figure out why we are so unique.
Gazing at the stars,
In the season of your name.
Your energy is for me
My eyes were closed
Now they’re open.
I don’t give up on people
And I’m glad you don’t either.
Aug 2019 · 124
Sunday
Evan Aug 2019
You have rings on your fingers
I have a feeling in my stomach
Not like summer butterflies
But something different.
How sweet is your soul
If you could ever know
I love when we hold hands
Outside after service,
I love it when you blink
It’s like everything is going to be alright.
When you asked me on the church steps
If I was alone
Not so much anymore
Girls with eyes
That become a blizzard
I do not understand you
But we understand each other
Perhaps that’s a good thing
But I love the way you speak
With a hushed tone with your lips and eyes.
And I love knowing I can call you anytime
Dec 2016 · 401
some
Evan Dec 2016
its 2:07, i am just zoning out of my mind. my meds make the lows sort of mellow.i cant recognize or sense sadness like i used too. it takes meaning out of my life doesnt it?
i was thinkiing back a year ago i met an amazing girl.cliche i know but shes all ive ever thought about.doesntit feel like the year went fast i mean i met a girl who made the winter less cold,
feels like a dream.
lifes moving fast i cant catch up,
my feelings are running on empty.
autumn came fast and it was cold.
transitions are nice jfosihfoiawehgioadg
claustrophobia inside my head.
i feel warm again.
Oct 2016 · 320
Unf 2
Evan Oct 2016
People confuse me,
I never want to be the way they are.
I never want to be the way I am,
I confuse myself.

--
Oct 2016 · 328
EVERything
Evan Oct 2016
When we start to do things for the approval of others it can be so hard to forget we are writing to ourselves,
I think that's the problem with love,
Anyone would grab the world for someone else,
But nobody would save some for themselves.
We lose our world in trying to please others,
We forget who we are, trying to become what we want someone to see.
That's why love is blind.

--The more I live, the more I love, the more I realize life's not in my control.
The most elegant things, come and go so beautifully.
The most passionate feelings, subconsciously render my heart more powerful than my mind.
Everything I have loved, I have loved so naturally.
Everything I have loved, has run its course.
Jun 2016 · 739
loving u
Evan Jun 2016
Loving you felt similar to running to answer the phone and then someone hanging up right before.
It felt like hoping a car won't run out of gas on the way to the gas station.
It felt like watching a fire burn out because you didn't gather enough firewood.
It felt like being sick and not having enough money to pay the hospital bill.
It felt like taking a dive into a swimming pool without knowing how to swim.
Jun 2016 · 713
Mornings
Evan Jun 2016
My eyes felt weak,
The sun felt different.

In the mornings, the hazy embodiment of my figure came out of the shadows that the moon once lit on the sidewalk.
The way the morning sun cut through the window,
the clarity that echoed through the dull breeze.
It was all effortless.

I used to take drives down country roads in the mornings.
The dew on the grass looked like sea glass of an other worldly dimension.
In the mornings, my body felt weak,
A dreamlike cloud would hover itself over me.
The stars would fade as the sun ascended.

Dreams came across my mind,
What would the morning sky be like in the year 9999?
Would new wonders dissipate the present and render our perceptions of the present useless?

I thought about the insects that lived for a day,
   Reality is a strange concept,
its never really there.
   Reality is everything that is different from yourself.

What is reality for "a butterfly who floats for a day and thinks that it is forever?"
Perhaps we are just the same,
We float for a day and think it is forever.

Our dreams will be and cease to be,
Reality will be a morning drive,
Thoughts and feelings will come and go,

The sun will come up again.
Jun 2016 · 485
End Times
Evan Jun 2016
I wonder if in five billion years,
when the Earth is turned to dust,
when the sun refuses to shine.
will there be any trace of you,
or your love that felt so permanent.
Jun 2016 · 960
Untitled
Evan Jun 2016
When she opened her mouth,
every color came out.
I was -*colorblind
Oct 2015 · 294
Untitled
Evan Oct 2015
If I am beautiful
I forfeit my ugliness

If I am ugly
I forfeit my beauty

If I am insane
I forfeit my sanity

If I choose not too decide
I still have made a choice
Oct 2015 · 533
Untitled
Evan Oct 2015
Weren't stars beautiful
Until they were rendered
Burning ***** of plasma

Weren't miracles beautiful
Until they were rendered
Objects of finite probability

There is beauty in mystery
There is comfort in knowing.
You must make a choice.
Oct 2015 · 273
Untitled
Evan Oct 2015
If home is where the heart is,
They say.

Then why do I feel so empty in this place?
This is no home.

— The End —