Her voice all wind chime
Her hair wind dressed electricity
Galaxy bright presence behind those lips
To match her constellation built freckles
Finding chimera laid in her gracious green eyes
This woman has become
My favorite subject to study

they're nothing alike, but they both rejected you in similar ways and that means that they're more alike than you'd like them to be. parallelism is everywhere and try all you want you can't avoid the syncretism of the universe, the constant assimilation and recreation, the mundane Phoenix, no ashes but still - rebirth. you know if you listen to drake right now, tucked under the covers and spooning the pillow like a lover liable to leave, you will be sad all night, possibly through the morning, bleary-eyed in chemistry and barely aware in rhetoric; you didn't do the assigned reading and haven't started looking at apartment leases yet. my roommate's shoulder is healing and mine is just now beginning to ache; parallelism is everywhere, and try as I might, I can never seem to outrun it.

~~
As we see the planet earth is embedded
within the solar system
though the other planets are his brother
moon is his lover
and the sun is his father
but his Atlantic still very thirsty,  
not ever be satisfied
even today he seems insufficient light

Yesterday he wanted some water from Venus
but tonight he wishes to borrow light from moon
yet the sun is still emitting his light for his son,
even though the planet does not know
his bro Venus has not a single drop of water
and his dear moon has no light at all
~~
@ Musfiq us shaleheen

Experiencing love is the greatest feeling that I have ever known.

But the deterioration of it has never been far.

From family to lovers it leaves me in the moments of happy, for which I am grateful.

But when it isn't what it was, I'm stuck,
without a map, and with lost bearings.

Caught in between feeling meaning, and knowing there is none.

Feeding fuel to the fire,
of use and abuse,
that we're told are fun.

Love is a drug.

The side effects are glee, security and madness.

And all are misleading.

At the end I'm left pleading, with myself.

Never to do it again.

Never to let myself, let myself.

But I do.

Because I'm addicted, to the love I almost had.

I outfitted my worn-out clothes
Then in the far mirror, I see myself
I look behind the old me
Look pass the masked he wears,
Staring…  

After what seems like a few seconds,
I finally asked him;

“Have I neglected you?”

He didn’t answer…
A single tear fell in his left eye
And then I understood…

“I am sorry, I let you stay behind
masked for too long
muffled you for quite some time.
We all know society is cruel place to be.
We need to be strong and I needed to be stronger.
It was for our sake.
But then it was just me being a coward
                            - afraid to faced reality.

Now look at us, we’re both crying for the decisions
we’ve made long ago. It was not your fault,
I’m to blame with all of this crap.
I made you do it, I convinced you with my
Fears. And I am truly sorry for that.”

I break down into sobs. He simply hugs me, not saying anything.
Then he fades away.

I dried away the tears I shed
And found something,
     a feeling I never knew he give.
I found forgiveness.
I was able to forgive myself
From the things I did.
To stay past the past mistake,
To face the new kinda old me…

Then I realized;
It is important to forgive yourself
To be able to move forward.





written 09/27/2014
*© Pax