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2 am ,
Knowing i have stuff to do,
Why do i wake up out of my dreams,
When i dont see you ,
I think of you .....

Do i have you up to ?
Is it hard for you to sleep?
Even though i haven't spoken to you,
In a way i miss the real you...
The one who gave me love and actually felt me..
The one who held me and protected me,
Never exposed me to anyone that wasnt you...

Was my love too "perfect" for you?
I did the things i was supposed to do ,
You questioned me ,
And said to me,
"But i never asked you to.."
It's because my love is real for you ...
Thought you should know,
Cause i know you lurking
They never did say that
True Love was perfect,
I bet that you'll see,
I was really worth it ...
I remember everything you've said,
Even tho I'm gone away,
We at a distance now...

I'm up at 2 am ,
When later i got stuff to do ....
I'm crazy as hell,
Cause lil baby obviously I'm not a priority to you .
Hands trickle down your naked body like a soft morning mist.
Spreading your legs to expose your beauty.
Petals of your beautiful rose shine and welcome me.
Lookin deep into your eyes straight into your heart.
My tongue caresses your flower, sipping from your fountain.
Your body moves gracefully in pleasure.
Placing my hands on your hips to grip and lick...
Feeling you grip my tongue involuntarily as you climb to the point of ecstasy.
Gaining speed, grabbing on tighter.
Your body trembles wrapping your love in mine
expressing mine physically
Connected mentally
Her rain falls down ... Not a drop hits the sheets
i swear to god if you take her away from me again
might as well take my life with hers

i’m tired of these up and down roller coasters
i’d rather take a ride in a hearse

if there ever comes an end to us,
i'll quickly throw my life in reverse.


this pain in my chest is all too common.
maybe is the fear of being forgotten.
or the fear of being left, metaphorically, in a coffin.

i hope this isn't part of some trick or lesson.
karmas a *****, i’ve had her too much in my presence.
you can tell by my expression there’s no feelings i’m oppressing, i’d simply fall into a depression without you by my side taking my sadness and suppressing, to be honest, without you id turn to aggression take my fate as a message, and put a gun to its head for leading my life in the wrong direction.
sea
I kiss you. Goodbye. I wait under you- watch until the plane
goes up. above my by miles, away from me my countries.

The gravel road of our driveway is cool and firm
the sand of the desert is hot and shifting and you are gone

You promise to be home soon- we both know you won't but pretend to believe this is a promise you can keep

you will not be home soon, if you come home at all
I miss you i wait for you i want you here
but you don't come, you can't
The love of my life is in the Navy
 Feb 2016 Endya Tremese
Nickoli
I miss the touch of your skin,
I miss the way you looked at me,
It’s been months and the pain is unreal,
This deployment is tearing me apart,
I know that it will be worth it,
Seeing you in those spread out months,
It makes all of the tears,
pain,
and lonely days worth it,
I turn onto your side of the bed,
Where you should be but you aren’t,
Incase you don’t find what you’re looking for,
Incase you miss me,
Incase you are missing my love,
Incase you wanna come home,
I will be right here,
I see you in everything I do,
I can’t sleep because all I’m doing is missing you,
You were the light,
Now it all just seems so dark,
Terrified that you won’t come home,
Waiting for the uniforms to walk up to my door,
I need you to come home,
You’re out there protecting others,
You didn’t leave to fight what’s in front of you,
You left to protect what’s behind you,
Please come home,
Your family misses you,
But I get it you have a country to protect,
I will be waiting right here when you come back.
With time everything suppose to get better
So why is it that I keep writing to you my "last" love letter
Confessing my love and burying the hate
But constantly I hear that me loving you is too late
Wanting to hate the person that you've become
But I can't find hate in my heart for the one I love
It's crazy how you have changed
Into a person who doesn't even deserve to be called your name
So I'll call you stranger cause thats what you are to me
I don't recognize this person you're wanting to be
You were once my perfect 10 but now you're what I hate to see
Your golden heart and personality was what drew me near
But now this anger and disrespect is what I fear
I hope you come back one day cause this person I can't bare to see
I fell outta love with you
Cause you changed & fell outta love with me
 Jan 2016 Endya Tremese
love me
You ask me how I can love you
You who is broken, and limping, and lame
I stop you before the tear can fall
Taking them from your eyes
And crying them out my own
I tell you the truth of absolute love
I tell you I wear no blinders
I see you as you are
I see your imperfections but we are all flawed
Those minute cracks in your soul
Trickle out pain in swirling hues of tender that highlight your heart
A heart you profess is black and stone
But it beats strong within my chest
Where I will nuture it and feed it with my own
I see all the nicks and bruises and breaks
They are not reasons to walk away
They are the very thing that makes you worthy
Your damage healed in stregnth
You are not broken
You are beautiful in all things
A tender heart that bleeds for others
That hates you for not being better...for me
Don't you know?  Can't you see?
There is no better, you are as good as it gets
It is I who is unworthy
And in all your fear of being alone, you overlook the truth of who  you are
of who I am when I am with you
You see beauty in every corner of derelict
You fill my cracks with your joy
To the point where you feel you run out, not even knowing you gave it away
You see in me what I am unable to see in myself
And because it is you who sees it I believe you
I see your cracks and spackle them with love
I see the scars and am thankful you survived the journey
And tomorrow, or next week next month or next year
When you have grown strong in my love
When the time comes that you realize I am naught but pieces duct taped together
When you  see the truth of what I have always known
I will still love you
When you move on to brighter days and greener pastures
I will still love you
When you see that you are worthy of more than I am able to give you
I will still love you, as I do now
For I never learned how to unlove someone
And you have always been worthy
I close my eyes & go to my happy place
And in that place there was me & you
But when I open my eyes and come to reality
I no longer see you standing there smiling at me
In you is where I found my happiness
Felt like all my dreams had came true
But when you left you took my happiness
And all my hopes and dreams fell through
My happy place became vacant of you
Thus making life harder to follow through
But one day alone in my room I thought to myself I could be happy without you
From my mind you faded more and more
The thought of emotions fading hurt me to the core
But I knew this is what I had to do in order to be happy without you
My love for you will never fade
But being in love with you was something that changed
I could say your name now and not cry
This is the most I've ever felt alive
I close my eyes & go to my happy place
And in that place is me
Living life to the fullest and finding happiness within me
I smile more and laugh more and its not cause of you
But cause I learned to look for happiness in me
Instead of happiness within you.
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