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 Jan 2016 Endya Tremese
InLove000
Mom
I miss you
without you
life has no meaning
I feel like
this is a dream
one day I will wake up
and see you again
you are in my heart
since the day you left
my happiness fade away
I never knew how to love myself
Ending up trying but I just loathe myself
Some say it's insecurity
And some say I need help

It's kind of difficult
All these battles I've fought,
Internally...
But I'll admit it's still hurting me

The decisions I've made in the past
The mistakes I can't take back
Secrets no soul will ever know
Stories that will never be told

Wondering how did I let it get this far
How did I let it get this hard
To be happy and open up
Every time I try I get choked up

Buried inside my own soul
Regrets I have to let go
How can I tell my truth,
Without losing you?
This was a struggle to write since I haven't wrote anything in awhile and the raw emotions in this made it difficult.
she never read my poetry. matter of fact she never gave a **** about anything that did to me.
she never tried to learn me, every chance she had she was intentionally trying to burn me.
I started thinking about a quote I once heard.
you accept the love you think you deserve.
when in reality no one deserves less than the world.
I was killing myself mentally, making myself go through hell with this girl.
knowing she wasn't anything, literally, wanting to go back home, critically, missing home, physically, speaking out my *** potentially ruining any chance I had of coming back home.
I was home sick but I was sick of home.
my mind made up a whole story of it own,
made me hate her for doing things for reasons she didn't, saying things she wouldn't, hurting me on purpose..
she hurt me on purpose, but we both had guns. I pulled my trigger first and they both turned automatic.
rapid fire shots sending head shots every round.
yet we were still standing,
fighting for the one thing we knew that wasn't dead.
white flags waving we realized we were fighting for the same thing.
fighting to come back home.
for my home was her, as her home was me.
italicized home, her, and she are a different person than the "she" referred to in the beginging
 Jan 2016 Endya Tremese
Jellyfish
I could never hate you
I actually miss you
but I don't want you
around me anymore.
Because you hurt me
and I end up on the floor.
But I miss you.
Our friendship will never work.
Love is like the seasons that come every year
We enjoy them dearly when they are here
But seasons change and love does too
But who would've thought your love would leave me
When those fall leaves fell from the trees
Who would've thought this would be my coldest winter because you aren't here with me
Who would've thought those spring rainfalls
would wash away those feelings you use to have
Who would've thought that summer wind would blow you past
Me I was the one you were in love with
But like a heat wave in the month of June
The Sun dried your love up for me too soon
3 1/2 years and what I assumed forever left
Changed so quickly like the seasons in the year
Now those spring raindrops are my tears
Now those cold winters are the coolness of my heart
And the leaves that fall from the trees are
the pieces of my heart
The seasons change and your feelings did too
Why can't you be in love with just as I am with you
I hope when the seasons change again that your feelings do too
Because I can't go through another change of seasons
Without enjoying the weather with you.
Christmas is in one week.
just praying I make it...
 Dec 2015 Endya Tremese
Jellyfish
Oh, you want to talk?
It's been months now
I almost had forgotten
how you changed me,
                     *back then.
And I'm not letting you back in.
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