there’s no way to describe the feeling that enveloped me once you left
but if i were to have to do so
i would say that it felt like cold tendrils wrapping around my neck
******* my every last breath

if i were to have to put it into words
i would say that it felt like dull tweezers plucking at my heart
tearing it apart
not all at once
but piece by piece

if i were to have to explain myself
i would say it was like drowning in the arctic
the cold water
a brutal reminder of the cruel reality
where you left me
to sit alone
and surrender to the insanity
that has slowly consumed me

reality is like the bitter cold morning air
reality is like a brutal slap
reality is something i wish to avoid
because why live in reality
when you can live in blissful oblivion

during the spring
he stared at his lap
and didn't listen in class
when his friends talked to him he snapped
his eyes revealed nothing
of the emotions he capped

during the summer
he didn't leave home
and wore long jumpers

during the autumn  
the news came out
about how he hit rock bottom
and took his life away
with the swipe of a knife

it's not aloud
they say
it's against what we believe in
they say
it's a sin
they say
but did they know
that the only thing sinful
was the way they caged me
and hid me from the outside?
i know nothing of the world
outside these four walls
but what i do know
is that it's a sin
to keep me
locked inside
when i all i've ever wanted
was to be free

i set it all ablaze
and watched as the orange flames danced
it's embers brushing against my skin
the flames curled around the room
******* every last drop of air
i collapsed to the ground
and struggled to breath
but i welcomed the pain
the burning of my lungs
the heat of the blaze
it was then i realized
while watching
my surroundings slowly succumb to the fire
how beautiful
death could truly be

it was dark
when you broke in
and made me feel
it was finally bright again
when you took off and ran

he walked through the crowded hallways and smiled at everyone
he was fine
he laughed and talked while eating lunch with his friends
he was fine
he would hand in his assignments on time
he was fine
he would tease and joke
he was fine
but it was
the news came out
about how he caved in
to the dark shadows of his mind
that everyone realized
he was not fine

my vision blurs
as my palms grow sweaty
i struggle to breathe in air
and as the room caves in
i grow to hate the way
i still think of you
despite the mess you made

e.m

she didn’t cry
when she got the news
she didn’t cry
when the heart monitor flat lined
she didn’t cry
even when he was six feet beneath the ground
she didn’t cry
it was when
she lay on the soft lush grass
of the backyard they used to play in
that she cried
and let the stars witness her pain

e.m