with fingers of sin i had touched your core, unzipped your jeans like locked church doors and swore i would marry you one day.
they say i shouldn't love you anymore, that poems are only for those you adore—but when you left i was naked on the floor, sold my soul to the convenience store, and
to forget a ****** i kissed a *****
kissed my lips and cried no more

I swallowed 36 pills today and just laid down ready to die.
You told me my sadness was beautiful... Like a flower drowning in the rain.

I laughed... Because all 36 pills were evenly counted out for the things that made me feel this way.

1. For the headaches, the nightmares and the lack of sleep.
2 for the memories of you kissing me.
3 for the heartache, the way I watched you walk off with her under your arm.
4 for the screaming, the fighting over my weight each day.
5 for the way my family just never understood the way I didn't wanna talk about my feelings.
6. For the long nights I cried myself to sleep for being so ugly no one would want me.
7. For the days I didn't think I would survive at work with a mental breakdown.
8. And last but not least, for the way I could never make myself stop worrying about everything. The way I couldn't figure out my future. The way i couldn't stop hating my entire existence.

36 pills hand counted and evenly distributed down the back of my throat.

Do you still think sadness is beautiful?

i'll be 23 at a liquor store on my way to a party
the boy who i'm with will think my name is sorry
maybe the cuts will be scars by then
but that doesn't mean i'll be better
i still won't know how to be sober
i'll be in a stranger's bathroom
crying my eyes out,
they'll think it's just the shrooms
but it'll be you, it'll always
be you
i'll talk about the boy who didn't love me back
even with *** and alcohol in the equation.
maybe i'll be okay then,
but it'll never hurt less

we are sometimes lucky enough to know people who illuminate our skies like the northern lights

we appreciate them even when we don't show it
and love them even with our fists slammed into the wall.

we do not have to be broken hearted.
we are so conditioned to believe that it is the people who love us that will hurt us most,
which in turn,
distorts our meaning of love into pain.

they say the only way to reverse this idea is to forgive, but
forgiveness is a tricky thing
and if we don't learn when to use it for others and when to use it for ourselves,
we will end up alone.

but people like me aren't afraid of being alone.

and you should know,
that i don't spare the lives of those who hurt me.
and even if you lay breathing tonight,
by morning,
you'll wish you were dead.

You want me to HATE you?
        To yell, cuss and scream?
How could I do that to you?
             I'm living a nightmare,
      and you're my dream...

You want me to call you names?
    Say you're an *******, idiot, and worthless?
          How could I do that to you?  
    You're my only star,
           when I'm feeling hopeless

You want me to give you,
         What you think you deserve?
   Say you hurt me by being evasive, cowardly and untrue?
        How could I do that to you?
    I don't lie to or hurt the people I love...
          And you simply mean too much

       You want me to tell you a secret?
    Tell you how I'm hurt, crying and ashamed?
         How could I? It's not really true.
     You're stuck in my heart for good
And I've already forgiven you.

He gave me an entire solar system
when all I asked for was a star.

All he gave me was a star
when I needed an entire solar system.

He is just a simple man
but full of wisdom and honor
She is just an ordinary woman
but full of love and candor

He comes like the light rain
so sweet to the soul
When she smiles to hide the pain
He heals it up all

He talks with so much insights
like a book that she reads
His words come like sunlight
in her world that she needs

He dreams of his light forever
She wishes for hers to come true
They hope they could be together
to finally say "I do".