I can't ******* sleep and it's all because of you.

I can't even shut my eyes without seeing your face. I feel as if I'm trapped in my own head, clawing at the inside of my skull until I wear my fingers down to the bone.  Why can't it ever be simple? Why can't it ever be easy? Why is it that every time I think I've stepped away from you, you sing a silent sirens song sending me sliding slowly down a slippery *****, serenading my cerebellum and sealing my soul in my chest.

I don't get it.

Why can't you just tell me you hate me.

It doesn't matter, look at me. Sitting here clutching onto you. Laying on my bathroom floor. I thought about replacing you with her. That's right I said it.

I want to replace you.

But she doesn't even realize.

So here we sit, again, me and you. A long night awake in the bathroom, with you sliding down my throat. You taste bitter with just the water I have to push you down. I've gotten to the point where I have to have you to sleep. Imagine that. Yet, when there's a body beside me, I no longer need you inside me. I can rest without you coursing though my veins.

Ive pretty much just excepted that you won't be replaced with her, or anyone, until I love myself more than you. God what a task. Loving myself.  Doesn't matter. Eventually someone will help me sleep.

But I guess it's just you and me.

She dreams,
I demise,

She spies,
I fly.

I fall,
She laughs,

I scowl,
She gaffs.

We’d thorn,
We’d born,

We’d bend,
We’d mend,

And the grass would grow,
And the moon would throw;

When she dreams,
When I dream,

We dream,
We dream,

And dream once more.

I noticed a slight change in our relationship.
In the old days,
I would apologize for bothering you
and you would say I wasn't.

But now,
If I apologize for bothering you,
you say it's fine.

I guess I am a bother now.
I'm gonna stop bothering you.

he told me we weren't afraid to die
we wouldn't
not if we believed in heaven
and i'm trying so hard to believe right now

and they say your life
flashes before your eyes
but all i can see is the water
getting closer and closer

i wanted to die, i wanted to die
all until i stepped into the air
then the river no longer welcomed me
and fear flooded my veins

i wanted to die
but when i reached death
i didn't

a thousand spirits wail
outside these castle walls
a thousand unhinged faces so pale
do they cry for me or of me?
from hazed kingdom of the moon king
or from bitter enemy are they sent?
no harm do i bring
all i wish is to cloak land in silver glow
why hate me so?