I’m not sure you know what it’s like to love
someone you know is only going to demolish you.
What it’s like to give your body to someone
who doesn’t care what it would look like
turned inside out, the beauty of it
dripping from your bones, the words that haunt
you when the lights go out, the dreams you swore
to catch but just nearly missed.
I’m not sure you know what it’s like to watch
for the expiration date, wait for
that last good day before the question
is asked, the “where is this going?”
the self-promises not to reach out to him
days after you’ve gotten the wrong answer.
I’m not sure you know what it’s like to prepare
bomb shelters out of empty Ben & Jerry’s,
your roommate’s wine, your favorite leggings
and a blank document. I don’t think you know
what it’s like to play tag with each other’s tongues
in your bed while you just wait
for it to be empty again.

I love all the things you do,
all the stupid little hair flips and the smiling
between kisses, how you cradle my face like you just know
you’re going to tear my smile apart one day,
but you don’t get it.

You don’t know what it’s like to be the girl
everyone breaks. To have to watch days
on your calendar pass by while crossing your fingers
that today isn’t the day he grows tired of your jokes,
the day he finds the sparkle has faded, the day
the disinterest starts. You don’t know
what it’s like to hold someone you know isn’t ever
going to be yours.

In the months since you left, I have stared, blankfaced, waiting for a single moment of inspiration.
Poised with my pen, prepared to write the greatest breakup poem.
But all I feel is nothingness.
My mind is a screaming black hole with your name on it that has ****** every ounce of creativity from these fingertips that used to ebb and flow with words.
I am the nothingness that you created.

Any man would be blessed to have a goddess in his life.
Possessing all the wisdom, beauty, and grace
worthy of the Greek pantheon.
He prays and makes the appropriate sacrifices
to win a steadfast Hera
to his wayward Zeus;
a queen to his king.
That one girl who could start a war
with a glance.
They seek that one perfect goddess.

Yet I have a problem with that preconceived notion.
My eyes have been opened to the fact that goddesses
walk around us every day.
Women with the wisdom of Athena helping boys
learn what it really means to be men.
Hera’s who hold the family together no matter the cost.
Hestia’s who makes sure there is always a place to call home,
whether it’s a college dorm or rich estate.
Demeter’s who even when their love is taken
they still find a way to brighten the lives of those around them.
Praise to those with the spirit of Artemis
who won’t a silly thing like gender
stop them from achieving everything they want.
Also just because she doesn’t look like Aphrodite
to you doesn’t mean she isn’t one to me.

So thank you to all the goddesses in my life.
You helped to make me a hero when I could’ve been sent to Tartarus.
Never forget that you are special and never settle for less.
You inspire the muses.

Blood for blood
Life for life
That was the demand.
An imperial decree that no man could defy.
Eternal damnation was the sentence.
Darkness reigned and hope silent.
Until light entered paying the price
he shouldn’t have had to pay,
dying a death he didn’t deserve.

So you want to know why I dance and shout.
Why I sow seed, and bow my knees?
I am a blood bought son of the king.
I’m no longer chained I’ve been set free.
The red tide washed away the shadow until only light remained.
He took it all so I’m sold out.
A new covenant was formed.
Grace for blood
Life for death

Sorry not sorry that I can’t stop praising.
I’ve gained too much for counterfeit trash.
His blood is too valuable not to share.
So I’ll keep writing, speaking, dancing, and singing;
until everyone I know is free.