You are a certain type of something
You left empty picture frames and broken glass when you disappeared
On Sunday mornings your drowned yourself in liquor and honey, never giving a **** what anyone had to say.
Intimacy to you was a soft spoken poem that you wrote half drunk in the middle of the day.
Dancing around the living room in the middle of the night, singing the words to the song at the top of your lungs
Jesus Christ you're so ******* beautiful
Being with you was like driving right into oncoming traffic.

Everyone goes home for the holidays
to see loved ones
to enjoy a homemade meal
warm cookies and fresh eggnog
they cuddle under blankets and watch christmas movies
but for me I'm not going home
even though I'm already at my mothers house
I'm wandering the streets
looking for home
chasing the voice that calls me
that's begging me to come home
I'm so lost
How can you find a place if it keeps running away?

lets talk about your hair
lets talk about your eyelashes
lets talk about your hands
lets talk about your knees
lets talk about your voice
the way it sounded when you would whisper about the stars, or the way it sounded when you screamed you couldn't deal with me anymore
you never talked about my anxiety
you never talked about my depression
you never talked about that week in the hospital
you never wanted to talk about me it was always about you
you
you
you
YOU
YOU
**YOU

You gave me just enough rope to hang myself

Everyone has an addiction
For some it's drugs
For others it's stealing
For me it was the past
I'm addicted to my past
Chasing fleeting memories
Trying to relive them
Catching glimpses of what used to be
I'm afraid of moving forward
I don't ever want to forget what it felt like to be alive

We run in the same circles
I figured this would happen
That I couldn't avoid you forever
I watched as temporary girls clung to you
I pretended not to notice
I smiled too brightly and laughed too loudly
Hoping to that I could cause the same ache in your chest that was living in mine
But I had to tell myself that even though you were here you weren't here for me

Christmas music is playing softly
The snow is falling, delicatly dancing around us
The ground is freezing, the road is covered
Completely white
A white Christmas
Sirens can be heard, they're approaching quickly
The only light coming from the cars headlights
Enough light to see the blood
Turning the snow from white to red