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 Oct 2014 Collily
dnc mg
Bad Timing
 Oct 2014 Collily
dnc mg
I said I love you, you said you loved me.
 Oct 2014 Collily
dnc mg
There's a war in my head,
and i'm losing
 Oct 2014 Collily
Veronica Emilia
There are blurry holes in the words that I am reading, just like you.

An image with these holes that doesn't make sense.

I don't understand why I still think of you in this way.

It's not much thinking, maybe more wondering.

I wonder and wander up a swirling spiral staircase that sways and creeps beneath my feet.
I reach the corner of the empty old room.

My nervous quivering fingers feel the pin on the dusty grenade.
The one that lies in the highest corner of my mind.

So simple would it be to pull it
but once it is out,
it could never be put back in.
It wouldn't be a grenade any longer.

Would there be an aftermath following the explosion of every emotion
running wild in my brain?

Or would the corner be empty, waiting, to be filled with something new?

A flower could grow from the rubble,
that's the positive thing to say.

It would most likely be worse than a grenade.
An atomic bomb built for pain.

But if you just told me the reason why, you could get out of my head.

You are a body with a grenade attached at the neck
in place of your head.

A surreal image, of course I would pick that.
Of course, that's what you would tell me.

I wouldn't say a word.
Just let my hands touch the weapon,
feel the cold metal of the pin in my palm.

It could be so quick to pull.
So tempting.

Then the reason comes in
and tells me it's best to
let you sit and collect dust.

Enough little gray particles to cover your entirety.
So that I will forget you.

There will always be a time when I'm vulnerable.
I will dust you off a bit to see what you are.

The thoughts will flood back quickly My hand will reach for the split second mass destruction.

Reason will grab my hand
I will crumble into him again.
I am walking, alone through dusky sunset streets.

I remember the warmth of your smile, the joy of your laughter.

I remember your eyes, how they staved off the pain.

I remember your blood on my arms, his footsteps like thunder in my ears.

I stop in front of an empty house, silent, save for the wind whistling through broken windows, and the grass in the flower pots, waving in the wind.

I turn away, the tears in my eyes burn, but they do not fall. Why don't they fall?

I walk on, her memory roaring in my ears, a waterfall of grief, and remembered joy.

Her eyes were so dim. How could they be so dim, when they were once as stars, shining bright, a beacon, to guide me home, away from my tormenting night?

The sun, still shining, hides it's face, beneath sheets of stormy gray.

Why is it still shining?

I walk alone, numb. I thought, that if I stabbed myself though the heart right now, I wouldn't feel it, and I could just....go.

I keep walking, my eyes are dim, the sounds of the sunlit world mean little to me now.

I am trapped in a Twilight of grief. Of guilt. Of the terrible pain of a cold bed, and a silent house, where once there was joy and laughter, and an ear to whisper to, my melancholy, and to be able to watch her burn it away, like a candle to a grey air, and to feel her arms about me, a shield, against myself.

Now she's gone.

I'm....alone.

Goodbye.

The grey is all about me.

It's time to find an end.

It's time.
I am telling you the truth. I can only write about melancholy.
I pray this poem, is not a reflection of myself.
 Oct 2014 Collily
Natasha
Differing perceptions, we divide.
We stumble through the numerous next rhetorical back-hands;
with magnetizing animosity, once again we collide.

Flame on flame, the heat of your tone burns me
because you're so unfortunately locked dead inside
and in I, you've discovered a key.

Toes occasionally submerged between the small bubbles, reflecting off the moon above the sand.
I walk the end of the map, where the ocean pours off to oblivion, your heart clasped within my hand.

I paddle out into the rapids, my last woven strengths carry me
tirelessly overdue, with courage & trial
I return the dead-mans chest to the sea.
I'm done with the dead man inside,
I'm done with the *******
Done with the lies
You no longer have a hold of me
I cast your heart
out to sea.
 Oct 2014 Collily
Fang Xuyokuna
It's cold in my room again
and I long for a warm body to keep me company
other than that I'm fine...

but listen to me
and I don't know what this means to you
I know what it means to me and that's all that matters right now.

I love you
and I'm still changing
and it scares me
I don't know who I am

I'm changing and I have only you to thank
Sincerely, thank you

If there's one other thing I know, it's this
When(if)ever I'm finished, I will be better for it

For you.

With Love and More...
It's amazing, and heartbreaking, what events one mistake can cause.
 Oct 2014 Collily
vail joven
do you remember the time
you asked me what my fears were?

do you remember the deafening silence
before you said that you feared yourself?

i remember

your hands shook as you told me
that the monsters under your bed
were beginning to sleep beside you
and how their voices are
starting to become the voices
in your head

i remember your restrained tears
when you said that you feel your
heartbeat weakening and your end coming
and you said that that was actually
not what you feared

you said you feared your indifference
to death and how you were beginning
to agree with the nightmares that say
to you that death is sweeter than life

and you said that you were afraid
of how i might get hurt when you go

do you remember what i said?

i bet you do

because you stopped talking after
and i just want to clear that up

when i said “you’re already gone”,

it did not mean that you are no longer
of any significance to me

those words meant that i can see you
i can feel your trembling hand in mine
i can hear your anxious heartbeat

but you are not here

this is not you

this is your emptiness
taking your place
 Oct 2014 Collily
CC
Music
 Oct 2014 Collily
CC
I wonder if cats care for music
Because their meows are so emotional
I wonder if I need to listen to what you're saying
Because I hear you and the melody sounds rad
I need music
Music needs fans
I need music
It puts me in the zone
Thoughts that make sense
The air feels so dense
Swallowing air
I've never felt more intense
The feelings are driving me home
I can't believe you're from this world
Because I've always felt like an alien soul
Something tells me
Someday I'll meet you
Listening to Spooky Couch
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