My distant ancestors before me spent more than 100 million years as non thinking, hunter/gatherer  mammals.  Then in the last million or so, these ancestors of mine began to think, struggle, evolve, organize, create.

For this? All of this I see around me?

I guess I just expected more.

     My ancestors crawled out of the ocean grew limbs for walking then evolved hands for climbing, grasping, survived the ice ages, conquered the plants and animals and the harsh elements, harnessed the laws of nature, created a civilization, a society.

All for this?

I don't know.  I'm looking around.  I'm not impressed at what I see.  

       I think we should start over.

My heart yearns to be heard,
In a crowd of like minded people,
Yet I silence my feelings,
No one cares,
No one understands,

Why do I feel alone in a crowd,
I am social on the media,
I am connected to thousands of people,
But I feel close to no one,

Like this,
Share that,
I fail to understand how it is,
The more friends,
The less I have,

My followers acknowledge my existence,
They comment their thoughts,
But that is all,

I post to be noticed,
Even if it’s just a glance,
The taste of friendship is deceiving,
The first sample is always free,

Then the loneliness begins to settle in,
You cry out for a friend,
They comment their friendship,

Yet no one will come to the rescue,
To busy with their friendless followers,
But don’t worry about me,
Because loneliness is the closest friend to me.

Now a days
I just feel
So drained  

         The moment fell open
         The fasteners broke
         And I was the fool
         Who tried to keep them inside

Broken mirrors
Blood and tears
And I see myself lying here

         Alone in life
         Alone in death
         Body all that's left

The Brain is Dangerous
Don't Listen To Us
We're Nothing But Dust

Do you give a ****.
About anything.
Anything at all.

The weather, sleep, french fries,
The mental state of the person
Standing beside you on the subway,
Your last few moments,
Before the cold, frozen, forever stare.

How do we give a **** anyway.
Is that the issue.
We ******* care,
But we just don't know what to do.

Do we march, write and post,
Buy a gun?
Vote... for who?

No, it's over.
Forget about it all
There is no point in giving a ****.
You are right.

I don't give a ****.
About anything.
Anymore.

You see me,
You hear me,
You feel me,
Yet you do not understand me,

I am not perfect,
My flaws are scars upon my face,
I have tried to face my demons,
But they drown me in my fears,

I am fighting against the tide with pills and distractions,
Yet the waves rise ten feet high,
I have lost my own battles before,

But not like this,
There is nothing to silence the voices,
That only I hear,
The doubts and fears have drained me of my life,

FEARS is who I am now,
He is me,
And I am him,
FAERS

I cry,
Cry for relief,
Yet it never comes,
Anxiety plays me like a puppet,

It’s strings are the fears that I fear,
The man controlling me is no one,
I am cutting the strings slowly,
But I fear many things.

Found in the dark,
You were not alone,
Somebody killed you
In your home
You were only six,
You will never be seven,
But everyone is pretty in heaven
Beauty queen,
You won the crowns,
It did not help when they held you down,
I think of you,
It makes me crazy
23 years,
You’re still a baby,
But, somebody knows what happened to you,
Because...somebody did it
The world may never know….
Because...somebody hid it
RIP JonBenét  August 6, 1990 – December 25, 1996
©B L Costello 2019

The radio has gone silent
No news across crushing blue depths
If whispers I cannot hear
I would give much for even a morsel
To know how you fare
Missing you
Wishing you well

The whole world has PTSD,
brought about by watching
far too much TV.
Normal people becoming
neurotic or psychotic
by all the "Breaking  News".

Talking heads spewing fearful
endless chapters of dread,
all with their own ax to grind
into our heads, day after day
after day until we want to scream.
Real news or fake, impossible
to know the difference.

A political landscape strewn with
landmines of division and hate.
Melting Ice, and adverse weather,
hurricanes and tornadoes devastate
and forest fires burn, as racists and
terrorists abound at every turn,
and crazy's with military weapons
killing us for sport, just to make
the nightly news, as our nation's
infrastructures crumble into ruins,
all "Breaking News day and night",
while we and the world choke and
quiver from an excessive Carb diet
of information overload, trying to
sleep bathed in bad dreams, laced
with too many strong doses of PTSD.