My gut reaction remains the same
shade of grey I remember finger painting yesterday.
The smears cloak my fingerprints
like manuscripts of the negative.
Sharp enough to break through the holiest of sentiments.
It's night two in the dark alone when I call on the ghosts.
Exercise the demons so I may leave the couch at once and turn the lamp on.
Warm bodies approach- blurred yet familiar- radiating only eyes.
Dull and full of assumptions.
I can't respond.
I reach out and watch as effort manifests as motionless limbs yet again.
Now, my eyes neither open nor closed, identify nothing.
My hands, palms dripping a simple shade of gloom I've come to embrace, greet my brow.
Grey sweat covers this grey reflection and these paintbrush arms I own just want to get up and live.
In color again.

by Arcassin Burnham


If trust is highly cautious nowadays then i should really stop the act,
if fake is fake and real is real then please don't let the opposites attract,
people wanting more than friends that care about themselves and then turn their backs,
but i just need a friend that would be as loyal as the **** on a camels back,
so why don't you just,
spare me the pity and,
fall out the back door with,
too many colors of,
your true intentions its,
not my fault that i'm just,
one of the good ones yes,
one of the true ones yes,
one of the loyal ones yes...

but from you i need more assurance yes,


Dealt with more fake people than the great wall had intruders that attacked,
In these days i'd rather be alone in this room writing all a bunch of facts,
To a man that has no reputation piercing through the traffic for a crash,
to have a friend would be delightful but people always leave and never come back,
so why don't you just,
spare me the pity and,
fall out the back door with,
too many colors of,
your true intentions its,
not my fault that i'm just,
one of the good ones yes,
one of the true ones yes,
one of the loyal ones yes...

but from you i need more assurance yes.

Building a life on cotton candy dreams
smells of the circus and carnival rides
Exuberant children in tousled sheets
Doing untrained acrobatics on a highwire of hope

Melted sugar nightmares crash without a net
Eyes burn in the stench of memories and laughter
Wearing that broken wire like a decade old prom dress
Wishing pieces of that life didn't still smell so sweet
Making everything sour by comparison

Ever wary of the remote reminiscence of
laughter and the exuberance of children
Flesh torn by that highwire gown
Whenever someone smells of the circus and carnival rides

It's always when the magic hits that blissful ****** up buzz I'm alone in the bar putting up the stools up closing down as usal.

I always have one behind the bar light a cigar just soak in the silence .
It's then when it all comes back in a flood to me .

The faces of those passsed my brothers.
I pour a shot of borbon for them each.
Always making mine a double .

I imagine there laughs the bad jokes and great conversations we no longer share .

William always playing the jukebox that trademark laugh that could light a room.
Bob Warren cracking people up hitting on the women he was a one man sideshow and a old vet.

Bone .
My closest brother the guy who ****** everyone off and always made me laugh .
We'd talk for hours kick back the drinks and torment everyone around us.

Cause if we didnt **** with you.
We truly didnt give a **** about you.
I had burried them all as alone now i stand .

The smoke hung in the air as i saw them all and for a moment i wasnt alone.

It always hit hardest on nights like these .
The women will all leave you .
Love is a fire that burns beyond are control.

But the memories are the tressure bury them deep only to dig them up when you are alone .

I drank each shot as one by one they vanished from sight.
I do not believe I can bury another .

I guess in all truth I hope the next is me..


I closed the door locked it behind me the air outside was frozen.
My breath shown on the walk home.

I was alone .

Sometimes the page is far more simple than reallity of this existence.
I'm glad to have shared one last round with friends .

We can write the ending.
But life always seems to see it a different way.

Cheers

Gonz

I thought coming here would magically change me
I always get it wrong
Sometimes what hurts isn't something you can remove
Sometimes I regret
Realizing nothing would ever change what's inside me
Reality got my tongue
We are fallen trees caught in a tornado wreaking havoc
We just want normalcy
Everyday becomes a living nightmare laced with pain
Every breathe a fight
Will I be locked up in this emotional turmoil eternally
Will I ever be free