Again, I find myself at home
The home I made last year
And while it hasn't changed too much,
That I have is my fear.

I loved this place and made it mine,
And tied myself to it;
But now that I've returned, I'm lost
And not like the rest, I admit.

Will I find my place? Or will that only come
With friends who are my home?
Am I isolated now, and is this why
My home feels so alone?

Perhaps this feeling soon will pass
And maybe it'll get better;
But for the moment, I'm alone,
And can't seem to find my tether.

On the living room couch,
I asked my phone a verbal question:
"What is an albatross?"

And before it could answer,
my father began his reply
from the kitchen counter--

To be cut short by my phone who had finished thinking,
the screen flashing a series of definitions for "albatross"
and reading them aloud to me.

My father stopped, and looked at me forlornly.

I daren't look back--
And the sound of a heart breaking,
whether mine or his,
and the silence it engulfed,
was hidden under the blanket of the contraption's monotone voice.

A little more humanity was lost today,
and my father yet again was faced with the reality that
even if he had all the answers,
as he had in my inquisitive childhood--

No one was left to ask him the questions.

I have angered The Poetry God!

Who?

The one who decided if my diction is any good, if it has the proper flow...
rhyming, timing ...I don't know!
I'm really having a hard time figuring out what he wants
It's not like there's a syllabus
telling us girls what to do
I love him and he should love me back  too...right?
Unconditionally...of course.

All the while...I am deeply tapping these aging poetic veins
racking my sometimes scrambled poetic brain
releasing unbridled passions, truth the agony....yes
...  unending PAIN!"
all the while pretending
to be just the slightest bit sane!
What does that even mean?

I'm exasperated!
and yes....
I'm sure he'll say
It's all because of my
"Dysfunctional Behavior" isn't it?
I can't seem to get out of my own way?
wait....
what's so great about him again?

There's not much else
I can tell you my friend
other than
that *****
for him....
you might be a "missed fit" to him
but he's the one missing out
on you being AWESOME!!!"

"Emmmm hmmmm you know it girl"

Cherie Nolan© 2016

"Paint me yellow," was the weirdest line i got from you.

"I like my egg as raw," was the silliest prank you've ever thrown.

"People cry, so let's laugh," was the best advice i got from you.

"Dont come looking for me," was the line that i didnt see coming.

because with the endless things i learn to know about you,
you just left me with a letter,
with no words,
no letters,
just our last picture taken this summer.

I say I am strong in my voice
You say "only the strong remain quiet"
I say I am nervous
You say "you're overreacting"
I say my passion is to help others
You say I only "seek attention"
I say my battles have been rough
You say my battles "aren't that bad"
I say I've been through a lot
You say "others have been through worse"
I say I miss my hair
You you say "at least you didn't lose it all"
I say I feel ugly
You say "it's not a big deal"
I say I am afraid what's to come
You say "at least you're better than before"
I say the world is cruel
You say "I am different"
I say I don't feel good today
You say "you should be better by now"
I say sometimes I cry
You say "for what"
I say I'm overcome
You say I'm "over thinking"

I say nothing
you say "why are you so quiet?"

Dear Diary,
As of today, I am officially a registered Republican
Now before you freak out, let me explain…
It’s finally happened!
I am in love! In love!
I can’t stop thinking about her…her rich auburn hair
Sensuous lips, smooth, silky voice…
She is an ambrosial goddess
Ahhhh just to say her name
Michelle…Michelle…
It’s because of her, I have become a Republican
Michelle has opened my eyes to so many things!
For instance, this country really was founded on Christian values!
Separation of church and state…that’s just crazy talk
Oh, and climate change? Forget about it!
But most importantly, Michelle helped me see that ALL lives matter
Michelle is very involved in her community
Why, just yesterday, we handed out boxes
Full of bootstraps to the poor
I gave my Birkenstocks
To Bernie Sanders…
Michelle says that nothing turns her on more than a man who wears crocs
And I am embarrassed to admit this….
I would only tell you, Diary
But She’s really into **** ***,
Michelle says it’s not ****** if it’s a man and a woman
And with her husband’s gay conversion camps, she would know
Come to think of it,
Nothing is a sin for a Republican
As long as you don’t get caught
So, there you have it, I have abandoned my socialist and Jewish roots
Do I have regrets?
Well, maybe sometimes,  
When Michelle talks about cutting veterans benefits
For a fleeting moment I recall how it felt
To take care of each other and to love people unconditionally
But then I think I sound like ******* flake
Twirling crystals and prisms or some stupid ****
I do like the idea of legalizing marijuana, though
But my change of heart and this whole Donald Trump thing is not my fault,
There are a limited number of seats open on this love train
I mean…
let’s be real, ok? Americans want epic battles and
Dad never smites people anymore,
Whatever happened to a good old fashioned smiting?
The way I see it, as long as Michelle doesn’t figure out that I am not white,
She and I are golden.
Anyway, thanks for listening diary,
I gotta go…Michelle and I are getting matching Jesus fish tattoos
I know, the irony, right?

Dead men in bed men
never thinking outside the box men
and it's a shock for the men who find rocks in the heads of the men who then try to knock these men from their perch.

I swear before the almighty that I will hold onto his gifts tightly
god help me I will.

I used to be a lazy man, eyes glued to the back of my head man, one of those men who are dead In their beds men but then I awoke one day in the 'Smoke', they say it's
the city of dreams.

Aspiring's an app'
to upload is a trap
and
they say,
stay where you are.