I can feel her peeking,
Shyly one eye around the corner.

I can see her sneaking,
Flying under curtains.

Giggling at the thought
Of finally being out in the open.

Playfully teasing,
One foot in and
One foot out.

She gets closer and closer,
Preparing to just dip her toe in.

I coax and cheer her on,
I'm ready for the show to begin.

She's almost ready
To come out after
Being long, long hidden
From within.

drawn by budding child,
my hope is uneven but
never wilts away.
<>

An ocean to swim

An ocean to fill

Courage

To spill

Mind

You

oh, the hours I have lost to the mirror

staring into my own eyes
studying every edge
every inch
with scientific rigour

watching
as my face and body
contort themselves
into new and grotesque angles

the longer I look
the tighter I am wrapped
by the suffocating bonds of truth

the flaws mount
on a carefully noted list
graffiti on my brain
each word seeping thick, black ink
pooling at my feet
rising to my neck

self-loathing is bitter and viscid in my mouth
when I tried to swallow
it wedged
a dry lump in my throat

I wish I could take a knife
to cut away every imperfection
to slim the nose
to slice the fat
to carve the cheekbones
to dig out the freckles
and leave myself a beautiful, ****** mess

I wish I could hold a candle to my face
until it dripped
like wax
soft enough to be moulded
into whatever
whoever
they wanted.

You asked why
it’s so hard
for me
to speak up
for myself.

I looked
into your eyes,
took a breath
that swallowed
you whole.

Inside is a girl
asking questions
and looking
for answers
her smile
would never
talk about.