The madness, the darkness has come seeping in,
once again I am burdened with my sin,
The thoughts, they swirl in a crazed tempo,
beating against my skull with the desperate fury of a dying heart.

I am drowning under a tide of pensive dispair,
Struggling to even gasp for air,
Oh! I lament my own awareness,
my jealousy is reserved for the blind.

Surely, I must be mad!
How could I not be with such anguish I am clad,
One true question remains.
Will I fade, implode, or explode with such force as to devastate my own?

Run! My darkness is no longer a flame lazing,
but an inferno blazing,
We all have our afflictions, mine is thought.

if i could experience it all over again
even with every ounce of pain
and each waking moment of ache
i would not think twice
i would do it in a heartbeat
for you, for us.


you're the only one worth of all this torture.

I live because I have been honored
It was a given right
It was illustrated in being God’s sight
I live

The sunrise was my eyes seeing the light
Tribulation was a short plight
Heaven said we have you life
I didn’t have to seek advice
Because I live

As I began to lay down
My eyes just looked around
Life stated, “You are not ready to be Heaven bound”
I must continue to live

Life was my day in a continuous tomorrow
The steadfast with a morrow
The goodness in knowing how to live
Appreciation in sustaining in thinking positive
The encouragement too others in give
I shall live

It’s a new day
Praise all the way
Living is where I stay
I can continue too say, “I live”.

misty eyes and blurry skies
my mind is in knots
i'm lost
the lines blur together
i can't tell which side is which
i just want to get out
i just want to get better

Being golden
We think were young
Pretending to be 16
Under the sun
Skin gets baggy
Eyes sink
Lessons learned
Now my turn
To dive deep into life
It's just begun

Frozen behind a weary mind
Thoughts like a blizzard of pain
Unable to be sorted
Unwilling to be tamed
Helpless, left to ramble
At peace from without
Tumultuous within
Life passes while standing still
Loved and Alone
Smoke chokes lungs
Sun burns eyes
Stillness in body
Burning soul steeped in pain
Wings bound by fear
Brittle from the war
With heart and mind
To languid to move
Motivated only to disappear
I can see in through a window
I can feel from across the room
But the sensation of life
The will to fight
Has all but disappeared
A ghost in the real world
Filled with the pain
Of the memory
Of love

Can't. Won't. Will not.
I see you there. My weakness.
You aren't always there. You pick
And You choose.
Heart bump. Instagram. Dread.
Same old game. Can't grow up. Can not move on. You're always there. Waiting.
Apathy. Desire. Fear. Loathing.
A cycle of reincarnation. An atheist Buddha. The same life. Feeling new by it's blistening intensity. Just raw.
Festering and sterile.
I do blame You. For everything. But I won't walk away from You. Depression is obsession.  I'm consumed by You.
Cold. Can't see. Can't think. Blood moving eerily. Playing Axis and allies. Can't speak.
You hit me the morning after. I don't like myself. I'm late for work. Again. I dissapointed my Father. Again. I Made bad decisions. Again. Even this sick soliloquy, is  no therapy for me anymore. You watch me. You'll stay for a while. Your face is painfully expressionless. Your eyes dull. You'll be back again. Like the cold winds and goosebumps. One leading to another. Fading, for only a while. If I make it this time I'll see you on the other side.
And if not, at least I'll, go in the light. Even if hell fire is all I right.
Maybe You'll be there waiting. And you won't ever go. I'd miss you. I'd miss you so.