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 Aug 2018
Yule
I consider him as "my last"
But I know it can be changed
It won't happen

Rather, In my heart
He is someone that will last
180723; 4:53 AM

{nj.b}
 Aug 2018
Yule
that smile of yours
was the start of it all
it caused war zones
down my chest
up to my head

how beautiful you are
could I compare?
a thousand diamonds
laid out up there

a simple glimmer of your eyes
with the swift gesture of your hand
you swept me off my feet

you, turned into my world
I’m a satellite
orbiting around a planet called ‘you’
I will look out for you
through the ends of time
till the last bits of flames
the sun can ought to fume;
to the brim
till my heart can no longer take it

for you, my eyes formed rivers
turn into the clouds
I look up high
your eyes dark as the night sky
You shine the brightest
A star I ought to reach
And down low, I turn
I fell
along the teardrops of my heart
for you, my heart belongs, my dearest

for you have taught me what is more
to be in love
‘thank you’
you not only thought me of the word
but the meaning
to the roots so deep

but love can be cruel
more when you have to be sorry

I just want to pull you close to mine
to stand side by side
without having to think
of where I stand in line

— I have accepted it.
la douleur exquise
(n.) the exquisite pain of wanting someone you know you can never have.

180611; 5:47 AM

{nj.b}

//

180814 | darling, it's been 2 years since I've met you up close. I will always cherish that moment with you. ♡

//

This is a weird conclusion to it all, but after all the heart has beaten to, one must let go of the things that meant the world to them.

11:11 PM | l.jh, my love. my world, you deserve all the happiness and to roam free to spread your wings as you already do. so must that I let you go. mostly, from my faith that it will be the two of us in the end.

this once, I won't be ashamed to admit. I do love you, truly. but I am also doing this for me to /also spread free.

I still love you, each passing day. but I am growing more to love you as I was supposed to; as an admirer, and I know you love me too dearly. As we coexist with one another, a diamond to a carat; we are one of a kind. We still are, and will shine forevermore.

I'll keep looking after you for you have lifted me up and took a long wild journey with you.

I'll be your hero, as you told me I am. Please look out for the world as it has once been you and me. — elle

~

"I have learned to love a star like him in a way I'm supposed to in the first place— love him in a safe distance.

I forgot the very essence of that but now I know."
 Aug 2018
Yule
let me sing you a song
of a mermaid that once passed
can you not hear it
wailing in the distance?
by the raging seas
that was once calm waters
even after its last breath
the spirits of the waters it once swam on
still lingers in the oceans so deep
can my voice haunt you in your sleep?
even then listen to its calling
its sorrowful melody
how it’s missing the land
it never once kissed
remember the tune
so when you’re in need of company
come look up the moon
as it once became the light
of a lonely siren I came to be
this is how I miss you every night
I was always calling your name
but never heard by thee
as I have always been pleading
under the deep blue sea
'please remember me till you sleep'
This is for the love that cannot be. | 180402; 5:49 am

{nj.b}
 Aug 2018
Yule
'You are my star, but we all reach that point in life that we no longer wish into one.'

Moving forward to a year, I trace upon the letter I wrote for you.

With the smile on my face, I look up the night sky.  I am reminded of how your eyes shine brightly at the scene, and the mole beneath your eye resembles so much of the dots laid up high.

I let out a big sigh. How different it is by this time...

I realized now that we are two of the same; two bright stars. Glowing and burning embers on their own.

We're both coexisting to shine, though we cannot meet for one of us fell for the other too deep already.

A falling star, I cried to you; a shooting star.

How can our stars align? Our paths and distance don’t comply. Far and far across galaxies. You blinded me by that sight. My light cannot compare to yours.

My dearest, you shot too high up the skies to live on your dreams.

And mine just remained being one.
2018.

{nj.b}
 Aug 2018
Yule
I just feel so homesick all the time, whenever you're not here with me. I just count on the days on the ticking of the clock. Till you come by the doorstep, back home to me.

— waiting for a moment that will never happen
You're my Home

{nj.b}
 Aug 2018
Yule
In some place safe
breath in the air so fresh
Where leaves dance through the wind
and how the sunlight kiss my skin
I just want to hold your hand
Intertwined to one another
under a full-bloom tree
A place where every birds sing,
where no voices left unheard
Is it too much to ask
to reach out for faces to listen?
Let me leave traces down your back
with my fingers gently
circling a path down your skin
Let my tongue be heard beyond echoes
Let my wishes and love in tune,
free as the seas and as how stars roam
throughout the horizons
Can’t my wounds be healed by thee?
Just by the warmth of your hand is the key
Let me get lost into the vast oceans of your soul
At least let this prayer be given a chance to speak
In some place safe,
a haven for the two of us
I beg— will be this be brought out to life?
Let this not be in the caverns of my mind,
in the deepest cores of my beating heart,
in the near future will it be?
Someday, somewhere, maybe—
Please
I just want it to come true
I’ll not ask for anything else
I’m willing for my heart to bleed
180518;

{nj.b}
 Aug 2018
Yule
I'll just stay up
since I cannot
let you off my mind.

— wide awake in thoughts of you
{nj.b}
 Jul 2018
Yule
I count the busy lights of each car passing by this late city night. How I wish that for a singularity— we could have that smidge of a chance.
How you and I would pass by each other swift as chasing cars.

— at least we met;
You keep me up every night.

180615; 12:21 AM

{nj.b}
 Jul 2018
Yule
You keep me up with thoughts of you
like any other nights
When I think of how your eyes
would wrinkle up to the sides of your face
as you let out a genuine smile

With my fingers evident with smudged lead,
and words flow on paper
of how ethereally beautiful you are

How your existence would surpass tenfold
the radiance of the passing cars
of the busy midnight streets

Oh I just wish to spend a night awake in your arms,
with my fingers in between yours
under the covers of my sheets
The bed doesn't make me want to sleep

They couldn't give me comfort
unlike your smile
that can bring the sun rays to shame
You could not compare to thousand starlights

Your eyes surrender to sleep
And your feeble yawn—
Let us call it the night
180615; 12:15 AM

{nj.b}
 Jul 2018
Yule
But like the sun, you're miles away
A star, light years far throughout
I believe we are not existing in the same universe

These are just inside my head
As I keep missing the thoughts of you;
we remain as fragments of my imagination

As it is estimated impossible for you
to be within my grasp—
The universe does not wish for us to exist
part 2 of 'Midnight and the Stars'

180615; 12:17 AM

{nj.b}
 Jul 2018
Yule
Should I really put faith in myself? But the thought of you being miles away from me, how can I even assure I can look after you the way I can make you stay? The way that you'll want to choose me?
180616; 11:28 AM

{nj.b}
 Jul 2018
Yule
I want you to leave traces of me
shot across the galaxies
scatter my star dust with your words

when we see each other
comfort me with a hello
set me off with a kiss
sing me a song of love
before I let your heart
beat to it

look for me in every person
you have come across with a heartbeat
long for something
that haven’t even touched your lips
please wait for me
as we make way for destiny
hope you and I make this a reality

—please come look for me
(2017)

{nj.b}
 Jul 2018
Yule
My dear,
you look happy lately
I am glad
yet I feel sad
that you could smile
without me
180718; 10:09 PM

{nj.b}
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