Heavy
Is what I carry
In my pockets
In my heart
Weighted like sand
Filling my throat
The fear under my eyelids
Cracks of light that creep in
Thoughts under my skin
Dying just to be let out
But I stay only silent
Let the fog rapture me
The pain can sink in
Past my skin
to the bone
to new days
from the same me

My guard dropped like an anvil from the sky
I never knew I was up so high
So alone
Freezing from the inside
Hiding lies in lust when love would've done fine

I miss you like the desert sands miss the lapping waves of the sea
That childlike sparkle in your eyes as you laughed with me
Our lives were a destiny not meant to be
But it was the only future I cared to see

I spend my days, hours, minutes, and seconds as if it didn't matter
But in the moments between time and space I am with you
Could it be called love if I didn't know what I was doing?
I made my confession to walls when it should have been to you...

Clarity always seems to cloud the mind, one way or another
Because the clarity that speaks only speaks of pain;
It hurts to say that it hurt to stay; It hurt to leave and it hurt to hate
Hating her hurt far more than any rejection of hers

Words cannot find the feelings I want to describe
After all, these are just love notes left behind...

Time feels slower than usual.

I feel like I'm walking around in a freeze frame.

Everything quiet.
Everything still.

Like the ambience of snowfall
There's a softness in the air.

He's worn the same clothes for a week
He hopes no-one notices the heart on his sleeve
the heart that bleeds
Lies that he's kept in the brim of his hat
Wondering what's the same
Wandering different towns that
feel the same
Pondering the shame
Longing just to be in control
But he can't indulge
So he self-medicates
So he can meditate
On all the things wrong
That can't be made right
On all the things he writes
Poems that won't be read
only seen
So he can hide behind his words
but he always gets what he
deserves

I missed the moment to kiss you
You would have tasted the pestilence on my lips

Dried lips suffocated by dust form the word "goodbye"
For love has run its due course on this coarse heart

Weariness has worn down what hope was once planted
But darling love doesn't grow in trees, does it?

so why did it have to die?

The other day
A match struck my roughness
And anxiousness took me to be freed by fire
As I burned away all of your rusted memories
Which'd been stored for yet another day
Which turned out to be today
In ashes your words
Cast, burn and floating away

Oh I am calloused and bruised
I am weathered and used
I don't blend anymore
I just float on the surface

The light that left me
Has me feeling thin
Inside
Oh the love that left me
Has me feeling dead
Inside

And the love that stayed
Cannot carry me on
I am a wayward son
I am the only lonely one

Is there an end or a beginning
I can no longer tell
These thoughts aren't my own
But they're nobody else's

Oh everyone's a stranger
When you don't know yourself
Everyone's a stranger
I don't know myself

Old habits smoulder in the secret places in my heart
Like a pack of unlit cigarettes stashed under the bed
Cancer waiting to spread and ignite desires
Oh how I love these wrong desires
Just a sip until I drown
Just a flame til I burn down

death can be found in love
and life can be found in anger
scars can be beautiful
showing we survived
and aren't there anymore
freedom can be found when lost
through solitude wisdom can grow
but growth has no meaning alone
so love as you live
for death cares not of such things
fret not for scars, do not be scared
when lost, know you are found
these are the meanings I have learned