saturdays smell like
bleach under my nails
sleep in my eyes
scratches on hands
gluey stuck fingers
glare off an empty parking lot
and other people’s
uncomplicated lives

give me enough time
and i can get rid of
any kind of stain
in your coffee cup
but i don’t take the time
to wash out my own

and i can’t get rid of
how i sometimes feel
like less than a person
a second class citizen
or some kind of
preprogrammed robot
just here to assist with
strangers personal quests

i’m not the
swashbuckling hero
out on an adventure
i’m the placid villager who
never moves from behind
the counter night or
day and only ever repeats
the same half dozen lines
wears the same outfit every
time you see them

i don’t want
to be the hero
anymore
all i want is
to live comfortably
in this town
and let my life
unfold

all i want is
to get the dirt out
from my fingernails
and get enough sleep

to love
and be loved
to drink coffee
in the morning
wine at night
and water all day

but i never
want to be the
chosen one
i just want to be
the one who points
you in the right direction

Into the Storm,  I fall in order to die once more to self.
Into the Storm, God has place me again to humble me.
Into the Storm, for this is my learning ground here.
Into the Storm, I live each day until I repent of sin.
In the midst, I must face the evil that I have unleashed.
In the midst, I must face the truth of all that has happened.
In the midst, I shall stay till I have become an changed man.
In the midst, I shall allow Christ to transform me today.
Out of the Storm, an much stronger warrior I am now.
Out of the Storm , Christ allows since I am humbled now.
Out of the Storm, I am now since I finally living in Gods will.
Out of the Storm, I am now and my life has completely changed.

my next-door neighbour
bugged by his laughs and odd jokes
Lonely deep inside.
13/9/2019.

I guess I'll go make a cup of tea
Because sometimes it feels like
You have time for all of them, but not for me

Emotionally unavailable
During dark and dull days.
A long lasting boredom,
Slow day in a dreary haze,
And gradually hitting rock bottom.

Lay there in the silence,
Struggling with self hatred,
Too tired to change my clothing,
Why bother with hygiene,
With such a self loathing?

An uneven balance,
A ratio of hate.
Again lonely at heart,
Emotionally desolate,
Tearing myself apart.

You told me I wasn't you cup of tea
So I tried adding some sugar and cream
But by the time I was to your liking

I had gotten cold

I pull out words
As if they were
Teeth

Exposing the gummy center
And tarred lies
Beneath

The extraction leaves some
Ragged
Others
Broken

Empty socket waiting to be
Filled
Its other half
Stolen

Can lethargic scribbles
On a porcelain
Sheet
Lift this leaden heart
To dance to a swifter
Beat?

Maybe tomorrow,
But not Today.

So don't focus on results
Instead train yourself to
Say:

**** these thoughts,
I'll rest this weary
Head

Inspiration may be
Waiting
Sound asleep in my
Bed