you held me like catastrophe. afraid to let your arms fall away from my chest.
i held you like i knew what i was doing.

i will sing you the saddest song you’ve ever heard and you can smile softly through tears, reveling in your love for a sad girl.
i am a tragedy. a melodrama.
but we are acoustic devendra banhart songs at dusk. the sweet orange wind softly brushing against your windows//against our cheeks.

borrowed lipstick kisses flower at the roots of your legs. i bloom between the spaces of your sighs and whisper to each curve of your mouth.
i can write a love letter to each breath you take.

i know you want me vigorous. i know you love me insatiable. and i want you like i know what i’m doing. i want you like i’m much older and wiser. i want you like i’m not a quick kid.

your drinks are always too bitter. you say you fell in love with me for my smoke and flowers.

My heart is a garden tired with autumn,
Heaped with bending asters and dahlias heavy and dark,
In the hazy sunshine, the garden remembers April,
The drench of rains and a snow-drop quick and clear as a spark;

Daffodils blowing in the cold wind of morning,
And golden tulips, goblets holding the rain —
The garden will be hushed with snow, forgotten soon, forgotten —
After the stillness, will spring come again?

Newborn lungs of lush green pasture
All the pain
Birds of prey; laughter
Little song torrential rain
handful

Of horses mane
Impossibly tamed
*******

Melodies
As wasps they sting
Remember?

The music plays
In dripping caves
Forever

Insecure
I'd shut my mouth
Then I could kiss
And watch you breathe
As golden seas
Endeavor

Wasting
Expensive rush
Tap your watch
Smile


A king of rats
A rat of kings
Jester
Hear me play
In this way
Wonder

Home at last
Cut down the mast
For fire

This moonlight beach
No man may reach
This sky of blue
It tastes of you
But sadder

From the Sikhote Alin Mountain,
I gaze at my world coming to an end.
I feel the sharp spear
peirce my brother's heart.

Blood trickles from my sister's mouth and
I taste its unwanted metallic zest.
The strench of Amur Basin burning
fills my nostrils, telling me my time

is limited. I pace, awaiting my poachers,
killers stained with the last
essence of my family.
This destruction of my kind hurts my soul,

but I stand to fight in the name of Amur.
As my band of enemies approach,
I summon the inner spirit and my
roar blankets the mountain air.

I feel my ancestors with me and
charge with the force of a thousand
tigers to my certain death.
The final battle begins.

There's nothing wrong with a rainbow,
every hue of you is there reflected.
So how can you object to it?
How can you feel sick with disgust or distrust ?
How can you sit and resent it?
Lets stand hand in hand with man and man,
woman and woman, man and woman
and guide the children to a better view.
From the top of a hand built mountain
we'll sit counting rainbows in the sky till its no longer blue.
But every single shade of me and you.

She told me, based on her past, this probably wouldn't last,
So when she told me to run, I didn't want to believe it,
To that small ounce of hope, I held fast.

How can I still be hung up on someone when we only had one date?
Honestly, I still want and miss her, when my heart's in a vulnerable state.

I'd never been that way about anyone else, like no matter what happened between us, nothing could have changed how strongly I felt.

She will always be at the back of mind and it's out of my control,
and if you look close enough, you'll probably find a part of her in my soul.

I know it sounds cliché, but for me, she was the one that got away.
And I will always be left wondering if there was something I could have said or done differently that would have made her want to stay.

I want to travel the world
And make love in every country
Where I'd forgo each beautiful sight
Just to stare into your eyes.
I wanted to follow the stars
To a different home each night
But you've tamed my gypsy heart
And now the north star leads me to you.
You've caused roots to grow
On my once wondering feet
Til I was planted in front of you,
So happily stuck.
Flowers have begun to sprout
On every centimeter of skin
That you've caressed,
Each more beautiful than the last.
You've made me yours my dear,
Without asking.
And I've agreed,
Without telling.

sitting in their room:
somebody's looking at a bunch of pills.
staring at a stack of razors.
holding a thick belt in their hand.
or just thinking, contemplating to end it all.
but then suddenly, they think of you.
your smile.
the dimple on your cheek that appears when you smile.
oh god, that beautiful smile.
your touch.
the feeling they get when your soft yet strong hands caress ex their body.
feeling like they're floating, reliving that moment.
your voice.
that sweet voice that asks, "how are you today?" & says "i love you" & "i'm sorry" when they wrong you.
that sweet, sweet voice.
sweet enough to calm monster within.
your hair.
the way it feels. how it curls up when it's wet after you take a swim.
how you hate it when they touch your hair.
your love.
the way you're willing to understand them.
even though you don't, you are willing.
someone, somewhere, could throw those pills away,
throw those razors away,
choose to adorn that thick belt on their waist instead of on their neck,
& choose to hold on.
all because they thought of you.

— @beeyroyce.

there are times where i remember everything you have given me. you taught me the best things and the worst. you taught me how to love with all my heart, and how to hate with every inch of my soul. there are times where i remember the way you use to look at me. when you use to pay attention, nod your head in awe of what i had to think, of what i had to feel. you use to look so golden, even underneath the moons pale gaze and the cigarette smoke against your breeze-chilled skin. i use to look like a ghost. only visible to your eyes. there are times where i remember everything you told me. remembering that i have the power to leave the cold bath water if i pleased. that i had the power. you use to always be there for me. you always use to protect me when i needed it the most. i could call you and you'd be waiting for me on the other end. i always did the same for you. i still would. i remember the times you use to love me. when i was your favourite, and we'd dance around in the darkness, unafraid and young. before our cigarettes turned stale, our lipstick running out, you use to love me. it seems now the track has stopped, the feelings gone; unamused and full of malice, you used to love me. you used to. and now you've used me entirely.

-the first layer

conceptcollection

I felt your envious eyes,
whisper tales of my true rank in life.
Untouchable, the dirt you wouldn't
grace your spit with.

A well fabricated quilt of lies.
To smother my heart and hold it
captive in the fires.
Of pure narcissism and self hatred.
Long after you left me here.

May our souls both find their peace.
Respectfully and may our hearts as dark and broken as they may be.
Mend themselves in the warmth, love and truth of the Sun once more.