"Why do you sleep so much?"
"Are you tired? You don't do anything anyway"
"Why do you lay there alone?"
"Come out of your room for once!"

To all of them, I cannot tell them I'm depressed as an answer.
I cannot open up to everyone who asks me one of those.

I, myself can't answer those questions, I guess my only answer would be, "I'm depressed as ****".
Is that even enough as an answer? Is it a valid excuse?
Am I enough?

I guess I would just answer:
I sleep so I don't have to deal with life.
Yeah I'm tired, I can't do much, I'm not good at much stuff, but I'm so mentally tired that it all becomes physical.
I like being alone so I don't have to deal with being so insecure because of how awkward I am.
I don't and I won't come out of my room; real world can't come in.

I guess those are just lazy excuses.
It's not enough.
I'm not enough.

i am an artist
of my own
destruction

i dabble in
shades
of crimson

my only
canvas
is a sheet
of pale flesh

and my artistry
is to
die
for

I never understood why I would walk around with a mask called a smile and pretend to be fine while I visibly was not

I never understood why my chest would get so heavy with emotions that I could not breathe or leave my bed for days upon days

I never understood why my image in the mirror would be so haunting that I would cry when my mom would remind me it was just a reflection that was distorted

I never understood why my physical pain would be easier to cope with than the emotional damage I had endured

I never understood why the demons in my head would tell me to do such unthinkable things to myself on a regular basis

I never understood why I was never good enough for myself no matter what I would change to better myself

I never understood why I wouldn’t let myself believe I had a problem when I so desperately needed help

and I don’t understand why I was so ashamed of something that wasn’t my fault but I do understand it has been a few years and things get easier

and I understand that without everything I felt, I wouldn’t be who I am today