cheap makeup covered
the purple marks of his "masculinity"
forced upon her in the hours of
coal, coldness and blame.
before it got too much,
I saw her stand on her tiptoes
and dissolve into the night sky,
into the night gutters,
into the night cries,
of pills, diets and mutters.
and right as the moon
swallowed her whole,
only to spit her out onto
guilt soaked mornings;
written for the survivor of domestic violence, someone I adore.
I never understood why I would walk around with a mask called a smile and pretend to be fine while I visibly was not
I never understood why my chest would get so heavy with emotions that I could not breathe or leave my bed for days upon days
I never understood why my image in the mirror would be so haunting that I would cry when my mom would remind me it was just a reflection that was distorted
I never understood why my physical pain would be easier to cope with than the emotional damage I had endured
I never understood why the demons in my head would tell me to do such unthinkable things to myself on a regular basis
I never understood why I was never good enough for myself no matter what I would change to better myself
I never understood why I wouldn’t let myself believe I had a problem when I so desperately needed help
and I don’t understand why I was so ashamed of something that wasn’t my fault but I do understand it has been a few years and things get easier
and I understand that without everything I felt, I wouldn’t be who I am today
— The End —