"They call us weak,"* I said through tears
And she was on the floor, staring into space, wrapped in a blanket and her own arms, as if she could squeeze the grief out of her.
"But we are not weak.
People who run are weak
People who hide are weak
People who quit
Are weak
But we aren't weak.
We're just raw."
My voice shook and broke
And she looked up at me and we shared a moment
Of suffering strength.
And for better or worse
In horrible, shocking, painful ways
We are both learning that no one has the right
To ever call us cowards again.

And I walked home,
Moonlight pale and sharp at my back,
In the very center of the street.
And this morning I woke up just at dawn
With the soft grey light seeping through my window
And into my white skin
A cloud come to shadow the moon
And I was sad
And I was lonesome
And I was betrayed
But
For the first time in many years
I was not
Afraid.

She's trapped in her own mind,
and she's trying to escape.
This constant battle she faces,
a battle against her self.
Because you see at one point in time,
that girl had nothing to fear.
But one point in time,
she was broken into a million little pieces.
She remained shattered,
unable to be fixed,
and you see,
that girl still faces the consequences,
of her almost lovers actions,
to this day.
She hates having to battle herself,
and fears that black shadow that hangs over her.
She's unable to function the way she once had,
because of too many people taking her for granted.
She let them in when she saw no good intentions,
for the animosity of others.
They used her,
and left her there to lay more broken than before.
That girl fights with herself,
everyday in her own mind.
She dwells on topics that could be the tiniest thing to someone,
but could mean the world to her.
She's afraid of her own feelings,
and she's trying to fight against that fear.
But when she's living in her own mind,
unable to comprehend the truth of things,
all because of someone who lied to her,
someone who used her and manipulated her,
and played her like a pawn in a game of chess.
She creates her own living hell.
She comes up with these situations,
that haven't even happened,
yet still acts upon them.
She's afraid of someone else hurting her like that,
thats why she gets so upset.
She will sit there and second guess everything said to her,
Do they really like her? Is she really beautiful? Do they just feel bad for her?
She has trouble seeing the brighter side too things,
she's incapable of not over thinking.
Because she's so afraid,
that they'll leave her there broken.
She lives in fear of herself of never being good enough,
of never being anything anyone ever wanted.
So there she stays,
in her own little mind,
hating herself for every little detail she second guesses and over dwells upon.
T.B.

allow the Pain
to invade
provide permission for the
Violent waves
of Agony
to Wrack your body