I'm usually not afraid of many things,
but there is one thing I am utterly afraid of.

One might think I'm afraid of the dark,
or maybe I'm afraid of heights.
Some would guess I'm afraid of spiders.
All of these guesses, while possible, would be wrong.

What I'm most afraid of is death, but not death itself.
I'm afraid of dying, and not being able to let her know.

I'm afraid of how she will find out I'm gone.

Will she read a post on facebook?
Will she see it on the news?
Will a friend just tell her?

Will she even find out at all?

Will she text me a million times,
and get mad at me for not answering back?
Will she think I'm mad at her?

Will she cry for me?

Will she be at my funeral?

Will she miss me?


That's the thought that cripples me at night.

In a place where everything and everyone
is shallow,
your eyes alone are left with a depth to them
that no-one could have ever guessed.
In a place where hard work is an excuse
to be superior,
you value interior in a way
quite ulterior.
In a mirror you're just as good as them,
but your beauty will stem
from things other than your physicality.
It comes from the fact that you make happiness
a reality.
The totality of your devotion
to something as simple as a smile
makes every second spent with you,
instantly worthwhile.

Sure, there have been guys,
who have had their own ideas.
Used lies like a blade
to cut their way into your heart,
but you've grown wise since then.
You've been hurt before,
but your determination to stay happy
is worth more than any man could be.
I'm only around you three hours a week,
but your smile shines through any attempt I have
at keeping my attitude bleak.
If I can be completely honest,
you leave me absolutely star-struck
and it was just my luck
that I was born four years before you.

Our worlds run parallel from my view,
but the way I can connect heart and mind with you
is a treasure that cannot be reproduced.