We held each other tight
as if we were scared to let go.
Soft remarks of affection
Wrapped in heavy blankets
in the safety of my bed.
A museum of memories
only you and I will know.

Did it shake you the way it shook me?

An arcane dialect we both learnt in that era,
and over those months
we spent calling each other
‘mine’
that feeling I had for you became no longer arcane
but all too common.
It grew outdated.

Did it shake you the way it shook me?

Perhaps the exciting feeling of newness masked our deep incompatibility.
Following the first kiss
the feeling grew
stale between us;
it was no longer special.
I was no longer yours
and you were no longer mine.
A feeling I have found in lovers after you,
though surely new.
Different,
better.

Why did we stay?

Did it shake you the way it shook me?

Misfortunes in
misplaced desire
misplaced passion
have taught me that
It’s okay to ask for more than pretty and kind,
That I do not have to hurt because our hearts don’t reflect.

Did it shake you the way it shook me?

My skin crawls in your presence now.
This aversion is painfully present,
deep-seated, inexorable.
My antipathy
I feel for you is
     pushing
back.

Grinding away the
rind of my rib-cage,
I will not let the disease reach my
organs.
My fragile lungs
my tender heart.

The veil of insects and filth
lifted
upon realization that it is time for me to go.
Weaponizing insect repellent
for the pursuit of freedom.

I could almost feel the waves
swallowing me whole,
Hours reserved for dreaming
spent terrified.
What if a tsunami comes while I’m sleeping?  
I have never known what it is like
to not fear what
I cannot control.

As soon as I learned
I don’t need to hold anyone's hand
while I’m crossing the road anymore,
The heaviness
of the risks I never knew
not to take
conversed with me after dark,
they reside.

Part one

We were weightless.
From dawn till dusk
Racing on our bikes
We had only just learned to ride.
Pretending time was infinite
and tomorrow was a promise;
We lived on wheels.

Part two

I later learned independence.
I cooked my own dinners
walked to school
And I made my bed in the morning
because despite what it was like at the time,
It made everything feel a little less messy.
Maybe I’m not so weightless anymore
and maybe you’re not either.