The temptation
to disappear from the face of this world
To disintegrate
Transcend time
To be who I'm supposed to be,
not who I think I am.

Sleeping in;
Waking up when the sun nestles itself comfortably in the middle of its trajectory.
Sipping coffee with a *******,
Book in tow.
This is what life's meant to be like.

Staying up;
Awfully sober when the moon reflects light from the sun in attempt to cover up it's imperfections.
Laying in bed with a finished book,
Voices in head.
"What's the meaning of life?" I question.

Vicious cycle;
Riding up and down the tracks of high and lows,
No breaks in-between to inhale life-sustaining oxygen.
Stuck in a rut,
Indecisive if life's great or life *****.

(C.C)

It's 10 am and I'm on my way to work
I've cleaned up the place
I've fed my brothers
I say goodbye.

It's 10.20am and I just took the bus
This bus filled with strangers
With earphones plucked in
Not hearing,
Not caring
About anything else.

10.40am,
I obediently stood at the side of the door
As the Mass Rapid Transport screeched to a stop.
The doors open and people filter out.
I walked in, to a new batch of strangers.
Everyone minds their own business.

What's life? I wondered this whole time.
Since my awakening to my resting,
And all over again.
Days past like sand grabbed by my hand
I end up grabbing nothing.
I know nothing.
I am nothing.

Dear*
Father,
It has been
Fifteen years since you left this world.
This world is no longer the same as fifteen years ago.
Everything has changed,
Even me.
Nevertheless, I miss you and I wish you never left.

Unknown and foreign to light
Feeling the emptiness hence cry.
1 and 11 months dad left,
Guileless kid that I was
Didn't care.

Grandma's place during the weekdays
With Kor as my playmate.
You'd think we were inseparable
But we grew up.

Doted on due to pity
Doesn't quite last.
When you're a annoying seven year old,
Single parented or not, who cares?

No one to turn to,
Seeing mum only morning and night.
Keeping it all to myself,
That's how I grew up.  

Nine year old was hell
Crying to sleep silently,
Worrying about how to act,
A smile to cover it up.  
No one cared enough to ask.

Time flew and at 15
We finally moved "home".
Little space I once possessed
Grew to naught.

The first slash, the first purge.
No one knows.
The first attempt, the consequent ones
No one cares.

Nothing was ever easy.
At 16 and 4 months I look back
Thinking how the hell I survived it all
Thinking how the hell am I going to move on.

At 2 a.m. In the morning
Demons come out to play.
Cannibals clawing at your door,
What last words do you have to say?

At 2 a.m. in the morning,
Only lonely souls are awake.
Fighting those stupid demons
With nothing but a blade.

At 2 a.m. In the morning
Have you ever needed somebody to talk to?
Have you ever scrolled through your contacts,
Finding no one you can tell things to?

2 a.m. In the morning
Insomniacs are wide awake.
For the pain that leave us "sober"
Is what that's making us stay.

At 2.01 a.m.
I bid my final goodbye
As I flung myself to those cannibals
Who are lonely freaks like me.

(C.C)

I've read of how it took 40 floors
To ****** a boy, 16 of age,
With no voice.
He flunged himself to his death,
His head crushed
His bones broken.

It doesn't take 40 floors to **** someone:

Life is like a high rise building
Which evolved from a slum.
Each person you encounter,
Is a floor (flaw) in itself.
People leave; floors zoom past.
Perhaps slight friction from the wind,
From what one can't bear to leave.
Words breaks bones, pressure crushes.

See, Life is like this:
You climb up only to fall back down
And for people without voices,
Life murders.

(c.c)

How do I
even begin
to write
again?

Butterflies in my chest,
Darkness in my head.
A fractured wrist,
A broken mind.

Things will never be the same,
ever
again.

Another day passes
And i still don’t know if i
Want to live or die

Life is akin to a train ride:
A trip to nowhere
With no viewable stops for rest
No given time
To answer nature's call.

Food served on the ride
Are oftentimes bland.
Sweet, bitter, sour
undeniably included
Though only given
On certain occasions.
Nevertheless,
Everything given
Was edible.

With each a cabin our own
We hear A scream or a cry
A laugh or a snort
As Noises transcends up and down
The confines of this boundless train.
The pleasures or woes  
Of other passengers
Not ours to share
But ours to listen.

Fuel being finite
Depletes
Kicking some poor passengers
Off this ride.
Other passengers take suit
Leaving on their own accord.
but the train still moves on
Towards an intangible destination

Things occur on the train:
Diseases, celebrations, fights.
There may be obstacles, obstructing the track
The train swirls a large turn,
goes over a bump
And Into a cave.

But nonetheless
We're all together
On this ride.
*If we don't help each other
We're all doomed together.

Before I crash,
I would like you
To read a tale
Of princess and of king
Of me and of you
Our everlasting life.

Before I crash,
I would like you
To place my bears
On rough uneven ground
Accompanying me
Till I leave this place.

Before I crash
I would like you
To hold my hands
And tell me
You'd never leave
Till my very last breath.

I am only but human
Enclosed by 4 walls.

Once, these walls were miles away
Akin the earth from the Milky Way.
I had no restrains;
like a bird in the vast blue sky,
Like a fish in the water body of earth.

As years passed
The walls closed in,
Restraining and constricting
But never impeding tasked errands.

Recently however,
No matter where I turn,
My head hits solid walls and bruises.
But that's still fine I guess,
For the sky I still can see.

Now though,
A new wall seems to be spiraling down from above
Passing down from one hand to another.
Air that's coming in is thinning,
I'm suffocating.

I wonder which last pair of hands this wall would feel
For I am only but human.

inhale;
the antiseptic smell of
hospital corridors and
alcohol hand-rubs.

Why are you here again?

Exhale;
In one breath,
promise yourself never
ever do it again.

repeat from top

This vicious cycle of
in and outs,
When will i ever get
better?

Maybe we're chemicals,
Because we've chemistry.

But then again,
It's not as though
Chemicals reacting
Could change anything
Other than the forms
That people see.

The forms change
But yet
What we consist of
Remains the same.

((Being in love doesn't mend a broken heart.))

Daisies**
                On a field
                                 D a n c I n g happily
Bathing in the SUN
                          Soaking in joyful atmosphere.

Then humans came
And P L U
                    C
                         K
                             E
                                D them out
took them a w a                          y
                     From the HEART of theirs.

The daisies they shed
Tears of helplessness
With each drop
Bringing them closertotheground.

(C.C)

Alienated from this world,
It's as though I'm invisible.
Its like... I'm a ghost.

Perhaps I'm dead – or more like an undead.
Consciously breathing,
Yet unconsciously living.

Unachievable demands too plentiful
For bare shoulders (to bear).
Words carelessly strewn
Cuts into the soul
leaving a void.

Countless wanderings,
Trying to find a home.
Yet left stranded alone;
Always on the toe, ready to go.

I need a complimentary ticket
to depart from the mundane
to the destination – into the moment.

To the you, who will never read this:
I miss you.
What happened between us
I know nought.
Was my vices too much
For you to share?
Am i just
Another stranger
Now?

Disoriented:
not knowing where I am
Who I am
What I am
Doing.

I die momentarily
When the monster grip
my soul
Out of this hollow frame;
The body.

They say: "time will tell"
I know not
of the time
now.

Inability to differentiate
Dreams
And reality,
I lie between
The blurred line.

Poetically uninspired
With no means of inspiration
Leaves one exasperated.

No way to perform
To let loose those words
Tightly sealed within the deeps of one's own hell – the mind.

Without inspiration
Comes no exhalation
Of the bubbling fumes that was bound to ruin
All frames of sort that one could ever find.

Wait...
was that the last breath?

(c.c)

“A rapid, persistent chemical reaction that releases heat and light, especially the exothermic combination of a combustible substance with oxygen.”

Like fire we burn
Combusting with love
Releasing heat and light
To guide someone to you.

Like fire we are
Both a bane and boon
Destructing
And
Constructing.

We build things up
To burn it back down
For from ashes we rise
And from ashes we return.

(c.c)

water, crystal clear

moving around aloof.

clours glistening guppies,

floating clovers crinkle,

moving humans hover.

the. World. STOPS.

am I a fool? -

I wait at the door for someone to come
back, even though I live alone.

I give and give till I have no
more, and try to dig internally for more

I smile and laugh and say "it's ok" when
every single cell of my being is yelling stop.

am I a fool,
for having hope that there's love and kindness in this world?

When the dose of propofol hits
Your veins,
The world fall apart into
One big dark mess.

You try to hang on
To something,
Anything,
But nothing remains.
Everything just fades away,
Along with your conscience.

"You can no longer roam these streets, or hide at the stairway."

Where am I?

"You have no one to send those stupid messages infused with your devilish thoughts anymore."

Who am I texting?

"No more enduring long lessons which meant nothing compared to wars fought in your mind."

Wait what? Weight = M x g?

You'll begin to gibber to yourself
Curse yourself
Question yourself
Once you realize
The concept of time that humans created
Limits your happiness.
For you are human
Stuck in a world with a timed concept.

Fragmented unique cracks
Stripes and miniature holes
Holding it whole.

Slight Prevention against impact
Susceptible to water
Dust filled
It never lasts.

Thorns inserted,
Pieces fall apart.
What's left of my heart now?

You told me
Forever.
We could lie
And run away.
No more nasty words
Or painful wounds.

You told me
Wait.
We needed time
To think about this.
No more warm hugs
Or wrinkled sheets.

You told me
Gone.
Tales fabricated
To chase me away.
No more 'We'
Or 'what shall WE do'.

As this year inches closer to the end,
I figured it was moving to the starting line instead.
The end marks the start;
Moving backwards enables one to see a larger view hence finding the direction of the final destination.

Indeed 'twas a year full of worry,
Haunting nights and lonely days.
But through it all with my Saviour's grace,
I've made it all the way.

When time has finally reached the destination that humans have marked out — 1/1/2014,
I want to say goodbye to me.
I'll start anew,
AWAKENED by the love of Christ.

(1)  
Hospital Walls
"Hospital walls have heard more prayers than church walls."
Within the walls
Lies souls with worth
Wishes
Dreams
Hope
Impeded by four walls
Restricting movement
Constricting actions.

(2)
School
Thousands of soulless eyes
With the same movement
And the same mind.
Rushes with the bell
Runs with the time.
Trying to be ahead
Is a tough task.

(3)
Pixelated
Blur
Fuzzy
Unnoticed words
Faces gone
Memories faded.
The world is not the same anymore.

(4)
Death
Valley's void of sweet smelling roses,
Empty streets.
Grey clouds gather
Together to mourn.
Petals drop to welcome
Souls departed.
Swollen eyes,
Silence
Tells it all.

(5)
Cigarettes
Merely a short white stick
But a life long commitment .
As clouds of ashes rise,
Souls slowly leaves
The body.

"Psst" I whispered
To the man walking by
My fingers curled
To bade him here.

"What's the meaning of happiness"
I questioned him.
"It's the sun that shines,
The clouds, the grass, the flowers and words. Yes, words."
He said with a convincing look
And so I thought
I'd have a look.

'The sun that shines'
– How the hell do I reach the sun?
Skip.
"The clouds"
–can't reach it either.
Skip.
"The Grass"
– they never seem to reply me
Next.
"The flowers"
– They're all wilting already.
Next.
"Words"
– What are words?

And so I waited
At the same spot the next day
To question that very same man.

*but he never came

Why do I keep going back
To the dark path that I've left?
All the shadows with their evil eyes
Snickering lies
I can't withstand.

They pull
and grab me
At the seams.
Lifted me up
And Tossed me into
The Dead Sea.
I float,
But I'm barely breathing.

(c.c)

The usual blaring of
the alarm clock did
nothing,
to snap me out of my
reverie.

Still lost in last night's
nightmares,
I stumbled out of bed in
a half-drunk
stupor.

Then came the loud
CRASH!
It felt as though all the cells of my
being have exploded from
the impact of
the fall.

Time
seem to have stopped for a
minute or two.
The entire universe seemed
to have simply stop and turned to
stare at the mess.

The loud "bang" was
what snapped me out of my
Dream-like state.
I dare say,
I am awake now.

weariness;
pulling a thousand ton while climbing uphill
rivulets of sweat dripping and watering the
ground as I climb. Lubricating
the ground,
I slip and
fall.

darkness;
the all consuming black hole
engulfing me. too tired
to seek the
light.
I give up.

Tarmac cracks
Under blistening sun,
And i wonder

Funny how one
Thinks about the future
A split second
After
Thoughts of death.

Is there an easy way
Out
Of this labyrinth
Called ‘life’?

Going out with you is like taking a unknown bus,
I do not know where it goes
Nor do I feel comfortable.

Talking to you
Is like reading a foreign language book.
I do not understand .

You want to know what I'm doing,
But I'm a free and independent woman
I do not need weights to tie me down.

I may tell you I'm sorry
But I'm not sorry
Because through all my life
I've learnt to survive on my own.

surprisingly,
I am up before noon- before
the sun nestles itself at the very peak.

surprisingly,
you have not texted me for months
on ends.

surprisingly,
I am still alive.
I need no one to live;
All I need is myself(and God).

It's kind of funny
How the person who gave you your first breath
Is one that makes you want to have your last.

Laughter once meant to express joy
Now used to cover up void
and anxiety
Of speechlessness
and neediness.

Being the one who begged to move
And now begging to move again
For what used to be Camelot
Is now the worst place.

It's funny how humans talk about love
As though love is tangible.
The way lives intertwine  
Oftentime becomes untwined;
Parallel.

That's what it's supposed to be at the end isn't it?
Straight lines on man-made machines?

It's kind of funny
How what man made while living
Becomes the thing that tells of their leaving.

Just have enough courage to go
Up, high up and
Make the final step
Plummeting down into oblivion.

Death would be so wellcoming
Opening its arms
Widely for me
Never letting me go.

4.57p.m.
I wonder,
Who else would look at the clock & think about life.
I'm tired & hungry & suicidal.
I want my exterior to be as broken
As my interior.
People only see the outside
And they don't understand what it's like
To have your mind pitch-black
And your body functioning on auto-pilot.
There's no break, no acceleration. Nothing.
You just do whatever your dark mind makes you do.

5.00p.m.
It's quiet here
With people minding their own business
Doing their own things.
I wonder,
Who else is like me
Trying to find a way back home.

Comb every strand of hair,
Clean every part of your body
And look at them
Appreciate them.

2.
Dress up.
**** society's expectation
Wear your FAVOURITE colour
Wear your mood.

3.
Always prepare for rainy days.
Bring an umbrella,
Bring your sweater
Bring some money,
For warm coffee/tea.

4.
Go out and explore.
Visit cafés and treat yourself,
Visit book shops & libraries
Inhale the aroma of freshly brewed coffe,
The nostalgic smell of old, yellow papers.

5.
Be okay with what you do,
Say things that are on your mind.
Who cares about what people think?
You are who you are
And you're perfect.

6.
Even if you can't love yourself
Always remember that there's a greater God,
whose love is boundless.
Hey, even the birds in the sky,
The flowers on the ground
Fishes in the sea
Have been taken care of by "him"
What else you a human being!

Your hollow eyes as you walk past

Showed me your heart.

Had something happened?

Or have you gotten sick of me already?

It’s as though someone plucked out your soul, and threw it on the roadside.

It’s just you and your empty body left

Trodding on this cold hard ground.

Time and time again,

I resisted the urge to call out to you, 

To give you a warm smile

To ignite a flame.

Hugs I’ll give if I could

But you’re so unreachable I couldn’t.

(I miss you and your smile. Where are you now?)