Sometimes the enemy is myself
In the fight for my will to live
An inner conflict that occurs
More often than I care to admit
Approaching myself with utmost care
As if I am a war torn child
Who is use to conflict yet still afraid
Like bulletproof glass that's fragile

I can't help feeling confused and lost
Not knowing what to chase
I didn't think that far in life
Didn't fathom what I could face
That my fate continued after high school
Graduation wasn't the end of me
I am still alive and surviving
Yet still chasing the idea of being free
I often feel conflicted
Of choosing which path to take
What I want or what is expected of me
I'm still trying to differentiate

If I'm always the odd one out
I must follow where everyone goes
Regardless whether I want it or not
Just to keep everyone close
I've been conditioned to learn
From others, to always want more
More friends equates to more love
Be more successful than before
But fame and fortune do not excite me
I relish in private solitude
I'm reshaping my view on difference
As a preference I'm willing to pursue

Recovery sort of feels like
You're carrying a heavy backpack
Through an unforgiving snowstorm
You try to fight your way through
Just to reach your destination
Each step further, no matter how slow
Is still a step forward
Though, there are times you're exhausted
So you stop and rest for awhile
You stop but the storm doesn't
You freeze and then feel numb
If you sit too long you'll die
You just have to keep going
Even if the journey constantly feels like
You are walking towards you're death
Staying in the same spot will too
The only difference is
You have the chance to choose
You have the choice to change
You're more likely to live
When you don't stay the same

What use to hurt me before
Continues to hurt me now
Though, the people who gave me pain
Are no longer allowed
I realize I still hurt myself
By keeping bad memories around
I am the only one hurting me
A type of self-harm that is mentally bound
I don't want to be in pain no more
Yet I allow life to bring me down
Because that voice is always with me
An inner voice so profound

I seem to prefer the cold
As if to sooth my bruised heart
So it freezes and no longer bleeds
Frozen around and between the parts
Because a cold heart is still whole
Even if it can no longer feel
When the warmth has been lost
Losing its attraction to appeal
Only a fool would fall in love
Having the intention to steal
This fool's gold of a heart away
One that has been shut and sealed

It's easier to say I'm fine, just tired
As if my reply was a movie
Cutting out the details and generalizing
In a way, not giving the whole story
Read me to know more
Though it may be long and tedious
Only for the people who want more
Who will love me more serious
When I say I'm tired
I am tired of life
So when I become more distant
I'm just trying to survive