I paint my walls because I think maybe it's the blue that I grew up with that is making my feel so awful
I cover the walls with pictures of better times and brighter smiles because I think that maybe if I put up memories of happy times that maybe I will forget all the blood these walls have seen
I hang things up and cover the celing in stars so I will stop crying myself to sleep every night
I put up pictures of you to remember that it will be okay
I put up fairy light to hide the scars on my leg
I open the window to air out my sorrows and release my deamons
But it doesn't work
Nothing does

She assaults me with words and feelings I can't deal with and then says I should thank her more often
Sure let me thank you for breaking my clean
Let me thank you for making me want to cut
Yes please I would like to spend my day looking for razor blades
Thank you for making me throw up
Thank you for the nightly tears
The yelling
The fighting
The blaming
The self hate
Thank you mother for giving me my depression on a silver platter
And then asking me to thank you

Who is she
with the brown hair
and blue eyes?

Who is she
whose mind is full of demons
and thighs with a gap?

Who is she
whose always leaning
and cutting up her lap?

Who is she
with the clothes full of tares
and who always dies?

Who is she
whose life is never seeming
and always a game of tap?

Who is she
with the life that isn't so fare
and all the staring guys?

Who is she
whose always screaming
with emotions like a map?

Who is she?

-She is you reflection-

I wish I could help you
I wanna help people
I wanna help you
I wanna help my big brother
I wanna help my mom
And I wanna help me
But I don't know how
I wanna learn
How to help you

It's like I'm stuck in slow motion
Trying to catch up but unable to
Trying to be like everyone else
But I can't