There should be three crosses on the side of the highway
three bite size graves all in a row
three rotting skeletons collecting dust

When I was young I made a suicide pact
with my two best friends

I woke up on my bedroom floor
stars crossing in front of my eyes
empty bottle of pills still in my hand

At their funerals I kept my mouth closed
Because there are things their mothers needn't know

That should have been a sign
I was meant to forever walk this world alone

I hope you choke on the names of our would be children
when it happens to cross into your thoughts
the few nights you don't sink into bed ****** out of your mind

I hope you ***** down the hallway thinking of me
I hope you never make it to the bathroom on time
I hope your stomach acid burns like a ripcord up your trachea

You told me no one had good ***** like I did
And he said it, too
Every last time I cheated on you

Just remember you betrayed me first
Told me to **** someone to put equality back into the universe

It's sad to say I did it out of spite
I could have been loyal

Instead we let each other become driftwood
burning blue and green
and floated away without a fight

She stopped breaking laws when she
started breaking hearts

Bottled tears in the vial around her neck
She lays in bed like a spider in their web

They say curiosity killed the cat but in this story
Curiosity killed you

And you love kissing her because she is not like the others
She does not pull away out of shame

She kisses hard like brick on brick on window pane
no face aflame

And you love ******* her because she does not hide away
Begs you more more more

She stopped breaking laws when she
Started breaking hearts

Liz Taylor once said:

"Pour yourself a drink,
put on some lipstick and
pull yourself together."

I stopped believing in the positive power of alcohol
when I saw the struggle in my
70 year old great uncles bloodshot eyes
the time I caught him at 2 am
reaching for the whiskey in the top shelf of the cabinet

I apply lipstick every day
all crimson scarlet blood pooling on my breath
all dripping cherry popsicle
all lip stains on your neck and pillowcase
all red on red on red

I can't ever seem able to pull myself back together
Like stitches coming undone on a wound
Like egg shells cracking on hardwood floor
I stopped trying after 3 years of puzzle pieces
These days I make sure I never fall together so I never fall apart

I miss you like one would miss bruised knees
(From all our time on the floor)

I miss you like I miss the bottom of the cement pool
(Even though that's where my friends are)

I miss you like I miss razors raking my skin
(But my arms still beg for more)

I miss you like I miss the party scene
(Still think of it from time to time, though)

I miss you like flowers miss winters frost
(Cold and biting, never giving in)

I miss you like I miss hands around my neck
(I think I'd still say I love you, yet)

I learned more about you in a Tattoo shop than I should have

I was talking to an artist named Adam
when he mentioned a goblin shark
and how even in 2014
we have only researched 1% of the bottom of the ocean

and until then I would have never compared you to a sea floor
but it seems that is just what you are : undiscoverable

deep
dark
dangerous

I thought I was in love with an angry boy

my mother always told me never to allow someone
into your heart who talks about how quickly his fists can move

never love someone who strikes
then listens

I know girls who will take a backhand
if it is followed by a kiss

But the second time you tried to put your hands on me
I moved and let your body slam onto the table

I am worth more than bruises
and your claiming of an endless love

haven't you ever heard
Actions are worth more than words?

Born into a house of red hair
soulless people and
beer

my great grandmother is 101 and four months
and she has contracted Alzheimer’s
which means she sees those who have died before her
like her husband
two of her sisters and
four of her nine children

Her sister died just yesterday at 100 and 17 days sleeping in her bed

I was named after dead relatives

Moira for a cousin who died at 20,
before I was ever even born,
a cousin who sang like a bird
and could have been a mermaid
a beauty with straight white teeth and blonde hair
who found death after struggling with anorexia

Katherine for my great aunt who I never met
but my mother told me of her wearing sunglasses and
her sleek black car and
silky hair always tied back in red ribbons and
how she would sneak cookies to the children
holding her legs in the kitchen

I was born into an Irish house
I was born to people who have slaved their life away to make it

My great grandmother was born in Ireland in 1912
and came to America with her family when she was 10

my great grandfather was a French Canadian born in Quebec
who I was told was gentle and quiet
who smoked when he was happy or sad
and worked on houses and cars and a large family

I was born into the legacy
I was born with their blood in my veins

I copy ****** expressions I see in the movies

I fancy myself a very good liar but who isn’t these days

you make promises from the bottom of your heart
but it makes me wonder just how deep that is

I try to dig
but all I hear is the echoing of sweet words off this tunnel

You tell me to cut people out of my life and I do
I peel them off like a second skin and leave them bruised

I tell you please don't talk to her
On paper it appears you don't
But you jump to defense every time I quietly say her name

I saw you liked her pictures on my news feed
Even though you unfriended her a week ago

You say you let her go

It appears you are letting her in