breathe.
                                   breathe                           breathe.                            breathe.


i                bleed                    at           the                      thought                of
      
          being                           alone                             forever.
  
i                                  already                   am                          alone....



                                       forever.

you listen.
                                                                                    thats all that matters.
you love me
                                                                     thats all i'll focus on for now.
i love you.
                                                         please hold on to that with all the strength
                                          you've got.
please                                                  
                                                                  
                                  

                                             love me back

thinking of you makes my day better.
you take over my thoughts
completely.
you dont know how much
i
love
you.

bleeding is the only opportunity i have,
no one is willing to save me.
so i have to save myself.
i'll bleed out.
be gone for good.
wont be miserable anymore.
i'll be free.
finally

should i tell you?
that i secretly am falling in love with
you.

i look in the mirror.
scared to see what i fear.
me.
ugly.
fat.
imperfect..
me.
i hate the way my stomach isnt flat.
my ribs dont show.
im ugly.
imperfect.
my arms have too many scars
so do my hips
and thighs.
what if they see?
will they notice?
i need to lose weight.
im fat..
imperfect..
ugly.

as i kiss your magical lips
wondering what else could they do.
as i feel your smooth hands all over my body...
on my hips.
i wonder what else could they do.
as you gave me your heart..
loving and all.
i wondered how much could it love.
one day you came home.
you came over and kissed me roughly.
you said you wanted me..
more than ever..
you said you wanted to show me the love you could give me.
i let your hands wander more to the peaks of my body and to the depths of my soul.
you let your lips kiss me everywhere.
it was special.
you said that i was perfect.
you told me i was beautiful.
then you show'd me what your heart was capapable of loving me.
with every ******
i grew to love you more.
we lay there in each others sweat and love.
the sheets spread everywhere.
i sat up and told you
i loved you.
you smiled and said
"lets take a shower"

your body is a perfect painted canvas.
your lips are so tempting.
your body so perfect.
you are perfect.
my perfection.
you complete my heart.
you can have my fractured body..just make sure and be careful with it..
it's fragile.
needing love.

i want to be able to hold your hand while we walk by the ocean water.
be able to be crazy in front of you.
i want to jump on you in the morning to wake you up.
i would love to be able to fall asleep in your arms.
to feel your precious breath against my neck.
i want you to hold my waist and play with my hair.
i want you to tell me how beautiful i am and how you love every part of me.
i love you.
and i'd love to feel your sweet lips against my own..
to taste your smooth skin.
to save the taste of your lips

i want you.
badly.
i crave your touch.
i crave your kiss.
your lips..
i crave you.
i want you.
badly.
i want to tell you i love you.
i wanna sing for you when your down.
i want you to be mine.
i wanna love you..
show you what i can do.
baby i want you.
more than i want anything.
baby i need you.
more than i need anything.
you're my only hope.
my only possible love.
im scared..
but i need you.

WHEN I FIRST MET YOU I KNEW YOU WERE THE ONE.
WE GOT TO TALKING AND WE SOON KNEW SO MUCH ABOUT ONE ANOTHER THAT I BECAME IN LOVE WITH YOU.
YOU SAID THAT YOU MAY BE FALLING IN LOVE TOO.
THE THING IS WE WERE SO FARAWAY FROM EACH OTHER.
OUR HEARTS BONDED AND THAT WANT BECAME TO CRAVING YOUR LIPS THE TASTE OF YOU.
IT BECAME A CRAVING.
I LOVE YOU.
AND I WILL ALWAYS.
YOUR ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE THAT I WILL ALWAYS CARE FOR.

i need you.
your cold hands holding my hips.
you soft sizzling lips against my lukewarm ones.
your minty warm breath upon my neck.
how you whisper in my ear that i am your world.
sometimes i wonder is this a dream?
is this life of mine with you here real?
am i hallucinating?
god you're amazing but how did i win you over?
**** boy im falling hard.
i love you.
is this a dream?

WHEN I FEEL YOUR HEART BEAT AGAINST MINE IT SENDS SPARKS THROUGHOUT ME.
WHEN I FEEL YOUR BREATH AGAINST MY NECK I WANT TO JUST TAKE YOU AS MY OWN.
AS I KISS YOU I'D LOVE THE MOMENT TO BE CAUGHT BY AN EYE THAT CAN ONLY SEE WHAT IT CAUGHT..YOU AND ME KISSING UNDER THE STARS SHINING BRIGHT.
I WAIT UP AT NIGHT JUST TO SEE YOU WHEN YOU GET HOME TO ME.
AS I CUDDLE YOU I PLACE LITTLE TINY HEARTS ALL OVER YOUR  BACK AS YOU SLEEP NEXT TO ME.
WHEN I SEE YOU I JUST WANNA JUMP INTO YOUR ARMS AND STAY THERE FOREVER.
AS YOU KISS ME UPON THE NECK AND PLACE THEM SLOWLY DOWN TO MY CHEST AND UP THE CURVES OF MY BODY I WONDER WHAT IT'D BE LIKE TO SPEND MY WHOLE LIFE WITH YOU MY LOVE.
YOU MAKE ME REACH MY HIGHEST POINTS AND YOU NEVER LET ME FALL.
WHEN I AM AT MY LOWEST POINTS YOU ALWAYS HAPPEN TO MAKE ME SMILE AND LAUGH.
AS WE MAKE LOVE YOU..
YOU TELL ME YOU MEAN IT WHEN YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME.
I LOVE YOU.
YOU SAY THAT I DESERVE A GOOD MAN.
AND I SAY I'VE ALREADY GOT ONE RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.
BABY YOU'RE MY WORLD..
MY LIFE AND BEYOND.

i have a destination.
the destination is a mystery.
i dont know my destiny.
im scared.
what could be?
what could be my destiny?
i have a destination.
what could it be?
you sat there staring at me like i was crazy.
you whispered something in my ear but i was focused on my breathing.
he looked at me with those beautiful eyes.
he looked away.
i grabbed your hand and said look at me!
you looked at me
and whispered can i be your final destination i'll make you happy baby.
i whispered yes.
he looked at me with intense love.
he kissed me passionately.
i kissed him back.
i whispered in his ear and said baby.
you've always secretly been my destiny.
you've always been my destination..
baby i've always secretly loved you.

sInce I wAs yoUng iVe lOved yoUr soul.
we'd sit under the old oak tree at my grandpa's house.
we'd talk for hours.
i'd sit and wait for you at our hide out..
we grew older
you left you said it was for the best an important reason.
i waited everyday..
under our oak tree.
at our "secret" hideout.
i soon to notice you hated me.
you made me wait for you.
i'd see you with her
but, i continued to sit under our oak tree.
our "secret" hideout got raged but don't worry if you ever come back i'll build you whole mansion.
just for you my love.
i missed you.
did you ever miss me?
ever think about how i ever much i loved you?
you left me!
i loved you.
but,
you loved me.

YOUR BODY IS MY WONDER.
MY DREAM.
I'D LOVE TO JUST TELL YOU HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME.
TELL YOU HOW **** AND HANDSOME YOU ARE.
TELL YOU HOW GRATEFUL I AM TO HAVE YOU BY ME.
I'D LOVE TO RUN MY HANDS UP AND DOWN YOUR BARE CHEST.
TO FEEL YOUR WONDERFULLY SOFT LIPS AGAINST MY OWN.
HUH...YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY BABY.
YOU SPIN ME AROUND AND ROUND.
I'VE NEVER FALLEN SO HARD.
BABY YOU CAN START WITH ME.
'YOU SAY YOU'VE NEVER BEEN IN LOVE
HERE I AM START WITH ME
IM SURE YOURE EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD AT IT.
SHOW ME
HOW WONDERFUL YOU CAN BE

CAN I KISS YOU UNDERNEATH THE MOONLIGHT?
SHOW YOU THE WONDERS OF ME?
ASK YOU IF YOU LOVE ME?
RUN MY FINGERS THROUGH YOUR HAIR.
KISS YOU SOFTLY ON THE NECK?
LAY ON TOP YOU AND LISTEN TO THE BEAT OF YOUR BEAUTIFUL HEART?
EXPLORE YOU WITH MY HANDS STARTING AT YOUR CHEST.
CAN I LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY.
CAN I SHOW YOU HOW I CAN LOVE?
SHOW YOU HOW IT CAN BE?
CAN I SHOW YOU THE REAL ME?

IM HELPLESS.
WANTING SOMEONE O HOLD.
SOMEONE WHO'LL HOLD ME WRAP ME IN THERE ARMS AND SAY THEY LOVE ME.
I WANT TO FEEL THE PRESSURE OF THEIR LIPS AMONG MINE.
FEEL THE SILKNESS OF THE TONGUE ON MY NECK.
I WANT TO BE ABLE TO LAUGH CARELESSLY WITH THEM.
BE ABLE TO WHISPER I LOVE YOU IN THEIR EAR AS WE FALL ASLEP IN THE SAME BED.

I WISH I WAS BEAUTIFUL LIKE ALL THE OTHER GIRLS I PASS IN THE SCHOOL HALLS.
WHY CANT I BE PRETTY?
IM NOT SKINNY ENOUGH.
I WANT TO BE ENOUGH.
PRETTY.
BEAUTIFUL.
GORGEOUS.
BUT I GUESS ILL ONLY BE UGLY.

sometimes i wish on a star that never shot through the sky.
sometimes i wish i’d die..
other times i love life.
i am crazy..
no one can help no one dares to get close to me.
it’s too dangerous they say
as if i’d bite them feed on their insides until
they whisper their goodbyes.
i cant even think straight half of the time filled with toxicated poison
i wouldn't hurt them i'm not like him.
he hurt me until my insides were flipped.
until i was making things up in my head that i thought were true.
id whisper things in people's ears that they didn't understand..
they’d look at me as if i were a piece of fresh meat.
i was.
until they beat me rotted me out.
now im dead.
cold as a stone that hasn't been touched in decades.
im hurt.
and alone.

i wonder what you're thinking.
who you are thinking of.
when youll say you love me again.
i wonder if you mean it when you say it.
do you?
when you kiss me it feels real.
when your muscular arms wrap around my waist i can feel your heart beating on my back.
do you love me?
you say you do?
but, then you go away for along time without any goodbyes.
i wish i could tell you how i feel.
how i felt when you kissed my neck and whispered in my ear that you loved me.
you take me out so far then you leave me alone.
scared.
hurt.
confused.
what is this.
a game to you.
i love you.
but i don't think you love me.

I wish i knew how to explain..
how much i happen to love you
but, it’s not worth it..
because you cant happen to love me back..
but, i can’t force myself to stop loving you..
its not like that i wish it was tough,
its save me a lot of pain,
torture,
hurt.
and heartbreak.
but, ill go on loving you my dear while you look into her eyes and say that they’re beautiful like you’ve told me before many times actually.
i’ll still be loving you while you caress her with your great love.
i’ll still be loving you as you place that silver ring on her finger.
ill sit here and stare out this empty room into a mirror and think what could i of possibly done.
was it my hair?
the way my lips are in a thin line?
my high cheek bones?
ill sit here and look in this mirror until you come back to me my dear.
i will sit here telling myself that i lost you because of what ive done even though i don’t know what i did to make you run away.
i love you.
love hurts.
i got shot by your bullet and i’m afraid to take the bullet you shot at me out of my heart.

I would like to die.
Wait…
let me rephrase that
I am dieing
slowly
painfully
in my own guilt
I’ve never really felt happiness
just sorrow and pain
and a pinch of guiltiness
I know how to swim but not as well as my demons do..
if you know what that means
you can only understand
truly if you’ve been through what i’ve been through.
I’m dying and i’m happy while  dying
I like to be in pain.
Is that insane?
yeah it is.
oh well does it look like I really care?
I hope not because I really dont give a ****.
I like dying
I know i don’t look happy but thats ok i’ll only be here for a little longer

I would like to die.
Wait…
let me rephrase that
I am dieing
slowly
painfully
in my own guilt
I’ve never really felt happiness
just sorrow and pain
and a pinch of guiltiness
I know how to swim but not as well as my demons do..
if you know what that means
you can only understand
truly if you’ve been through what i’ve been through.
I’m dying and i’m happy while  dying
I like to be in pain.
Is that insane?
yeah it is.
oh well does it look like I really care?
I hope not because I really dont give a ****.
I like dying
I know i don’t look happy but thats ok i’ll only be here for a little longer

I try to be that girl who is strong.
Who doesn't give a **** about what people think or say about her.
The girl who doesn't cry.
Who isn't afraid of being alive.
I may be strong but I
do give a **** about what other people say or think,
I cry just not in front of anyone but my closest friend the devil,
Im scared of being alive,I kinda wanna die,
im afraid of living my life.
IM INSANE.
CRAZY.
******.
A LUNATIC.
I would love to just die...go away and never come back step over the line and disappear like i'm meant to.
Why not now?
MAYBE ITS TIME.
IT is.
Goodbye.

Im done.
with life,
the world,
people who are fake as can be,
Im done with me,
myself.and I.
Done with the tension to do something right for once in my life.
The only thing right to do is go ahead and **** myself.
Everyone will be happier.
They won't have to see my miserable face,or the unhappy looks,they won't have to say hey just to make me feel like someone actually recognizes me when no one really does.
Im done
with the pity looks i get from people who don't even know what pity is.
Thats okay there virgins to the world only knowing the good,only faces the good.no bad in their lives thats good,okay,great for them but,one day they’ll wake up see whats really out there.
Flesh being torn apart,screaming,crying,****** tears.
then they’ll want to die step in front of a train that's passing by.
Its okay they’ll learn and then want to die but,if you stay a ****** to the world with no pity,no cries,no screaming,no one dies.
my world is much different always will be you might not be a ****** to the world but compared to me you are and you're lucky.
Because i’m dead never have been alive..always dead,never gonna be alive.

I dont need help.
Maybe I do.
Do I?
How the hell would you know..unless you are in my head fighting the demons off..but you know that you’d  NEVER **** them..right??
Im talking to myself.
Is that crazy?
Insane?
******?
Does everyone talk to themselves the way I do?
I need help!
I’ve asked but,I ran away.
From help...thats how insane I am…
help?
Is there such thing?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
Well maybe not for me.
Help is a definition of **** me slowly..
When you ask for help you get tortured,humiliated your demons in your head scream and laugh at how much of a ******* wimp you are for snitching on them!
You will never get help if you're  in my situation you’ll only suffer your heart will only keep breaking and your demons will grow bigger.

Can I die?
Well yeah you can they say.
But they don’t  know what I mean.
They don't know I mean **** myself
suffer
pain
die.
I'm asking them please.
They’re saying yes but they don't know what for.
I don't really matter.
can’t they see that I want to die
suffer painfully

Can I die?
Well yeah you can they say.
But they don’t  know what I mean.
They don't know I mean **** myself
suffer
pain
die.
I'm asking them please.
They’re saying yes but they don't know what for.
I don't really matter.
can’t they see that I want to die
suffer painfully