It’s been so long
I didn’t recognize the
number on the call.
You asked if I wanted
to catch up, I should’ve
just hung up.
- blocked.

Your leaves go away every fall,
maybe all your petals are already gone
and you never felt so alone but
always remember that it
isn't permanent at all.
Seasons change and
people do
too.
- reminders.

I don't quite know my home, since I've never
had the pleasure to meet you
and they say home is where the heart is
and I'm positive you have mine.
So I'm walking through life
with the endless feeling of
being homesick.
- homesick.

Kindest boy with a library that
reached the ceiling and
the same personality as
my best friend, they would talk about
movies in the middle of the street at
three a.m.
Everyone wanted us
to end up together but
it would never work out
in the end.
Moody boy with dark circles
that rimmed his eyes, always
wanted to talk about romance.
He looked at me with the softest eyes
but couldn't hold a conversation to
saves his life.
I don't know why but
I always think about him
when I'm feeling bright and
blue.
- dates at seventeen.

Your games and
childlike attitude
always put me
in a bad
mood.
It's like you
were trying your best
to leave a
permanent crease in
between my
brows.
- frown.

Walking into the house of someone we don’t know
you can definitely tell right away
this is not my type of crowd.
Following your friend around we made it to the backyard
sitting on a couch outside on that cold August night.
Your other friend couldn’t stop messing around, he
was really getting on my last nerve now.
You’re watching us from across the table
beer in your hand and daggers shooting from your face but
you didn’t even try to put me aside to dance.
Face to the side and you start a conversation
with someone else while one of my friends drags me to the side
of the house and asks “Which one is it? Which one do you want?”.
How I couldn’t tell right then and there that I
was putty in your hands is beyond me since
I just wanted you to take me where the music wasn’t
too loud even if it was just to talk or stare at the sky.
But I barley saw you at all, looking grumpy all alone while
I was a rushed inside the house just a few rooms down the hall
holding my friend’s hair as she threw up from mixing too much.
Came across you again when it was time to leave,
forced to sit at the front since I was the only one
on her right mind and your friend didn’t want
to be bothered after finding out that you and
his girlfriend had stolen a bowl out of the house.
It was just us four in the car.
How I wish you had been sober that night,
talked to me even just for a little while.
Maybe I would of had the guts to kiss you in the corner
of the living room or held your hand later that night when
we walked side to side down the road whilst our friends
chased each other around.

  - why did it take me this long to figure it out?

I've always been someone who feels intensely.
Someone who notices the things that no one around them
seem to pay attention to.
Someone that sets focuses on the small things and
romanticize them to no end.
Someone who plays them in a loop on their head and
overthinks every detail.
Someone who creates expectations for everything around them
even though they know it'll hurt them in the end.
Someone with a never-ending inner battle
in between their heart and their head.
Someone with an everlasting lost look on their face who
you think has nothing going on up there.
But there's something.
A memory of every half-smile, every laugh,
every tear, and every frown ever felt,
emotions ready to creep back up into the surface again
at any given time. No warnings attached.
- whirlwind.