Apparently, I've been wearing that pathetic face again.
Am I truly expected to pretend that nothing happened between us?
And as I roll around this peaceful city, I look a little closer and see
I see a small world, I see the people broken and mended
I see a world that has lost it's meaning and thrown it's sacred words away
I know you're out there, and close by too
I think I want you back but, then again
that may just be me being crazy all over again.
My words go into the microphone but
they fail to enter the ears of all those who pretend to listen
for they are too busy wasting air, talking about themselves
which gives me a reason no to listen to a word they say.
Though the world may change and people will leave
I'll be moving around and hopefully, moving on
But I'll still be me and have my close brothers
So, as sorrow and joy flow down like rain
and my thoughts meander, tumble, and leave confusion
I can say, with the utmost ease I've ever had;
"Nothing's gonna change my world!"
(Base off of the song Across the Universe by The Beatles)

I've been checking my heartbeat
Yeah, it's still going, actually quite fast
just to make sure I'm not a ghost
I've stopped caring so ask me anything
So, continue to shake my dreams
where I have the courage to speak
It's in my dreams and memories, you smile
But in reality, when I see you
I am left with rushing mind and hallow heart
I see you walk closer with that empty face
and secretly distraught, gorgeous eyes.
which make me want to ask if you're alright
too late to try, you've already walked by
leaving me with a cowardly stomach
which I'll reflect on when I try to sleep tonight
I've been reflecting on the past so much, I rarely see the present
Brought to my knees again, trying to breath
I think my heart stopped for a moment
I fear this writing has said to much
but I've found if I don't feel comfortable,
I'm not writing about the right things
I should know the over-thinking kills me
but I tend to do it anyway
I've stored up all the words I can throw
but that doesn't mean I'll get the chance to use them
my heart has no reason to keep pumping
but I will fight to survive
perhaps I'll find the answer in your smile

Now where to start? At the start or the last point I'll make?
I'll just try my best to make some sense.
Have I not been the same or has everyone changed?
I wanted the world to stop when it started to crash.
I don't know how nor when but my motivation
has simply drifted asleep and left my eyes wide open and worried
I try to think of something, a simile, a metaphor,
a "like" or "as" but i cant help but stutter and realize
nothing I've ever known can compare to this chapter of me

My thoughts have left me and buried me as I did to them
And just as before, they find  way to dig themselves back up
I can drown them out with another digital whatever
or another episode of a show which I'll laugh for a few moments
or maybe I'll just let them roam free and I will
explain just what these thoughts are or at least try
in the start of this chapter of me.

In the day which feels like yesterday, something happened.
I've tried finding a chorus that described how i didn't fight
and the constant thoughts have dragged me back into the cave
I've been working so hard to get out of. You didn't mean for this, of course I know nobody does. And I lost the map in the storm.
I don't want you in my life but i find you in nearly every minuet of it.
So I'm sorry if I don't return the smile, or the small wave,
if i try to avoid, and i know I'm breaking
because that's the theme in this chapter of me.

But as I go throughout the day, I cant help but wear a pathetic face
one that says "I'm here and I have a problem call me out
so that way I have an excuse to vent."
I know full well that it wont work but what else is there to do
simply another motif in this chapter of me.

I'll turn away now and try to get my heart pumping again
as I look away. I'm afraid to do a lot of things
But as I turn back to that person only for a second,
praying that maybe you'll hear my internal speech,
I want to pull you aside and explain how if there is
any part of you that wants to try again, just know that
there's still room for you in this chapter of me

I had that dream again, the one where I'm lying next to her
And she is blissfully asleep, lost in her head
She is a million degrees as my body lies next to hers
the moonlight shines through the blinds and softly lights
my dark bedroom and caresses her sleeping head
Her cheeks are glowing I rest a finger on them
She's really here, I can't believe it.
She feels for me whispers, "come a little closer."
Who am I to resist? I know there's nowhere else I'd rather be
My eyes slowly close and the moon light dims.

My door abruptly roars open, my heart stops
light invades and my eyes struggle to focus
mind is screaming for the dark again but no words leave my mouth
my arms reach for you but all dreams must end
you were never truly there anyway
I'm glad you weren't though.
Can you imagine what they would say if they found you in my bed?
My heart had no choice but to continue
the door closes and the real person bids me farewell
My bedroom once again engulfed in darkness
Body drenched in sweat, my dreams still echo
My bed truly is empty, not even I wish to be there

Maybe I'd sleep better next to her
or maybe a vacant bed is something I should get used to...

I had that dream again, the one where she is standing
by herself on the side of the highway...
It quickly faded and i turned to see them standing next to me
It then turned into a night terror
The sun turned dark and the dead awoke
Alarms rang as the floods reached the top levels of our heaven
the sky opened to make way for the falling stars
the monsters below tore through the ground like paper
As i was forced to leave the ones i loved to the ghouls,
the walls we built had been torn down
I could hear the screams of those above whom i promised to save
the words brought the myths to life
Death came and took all the ones i was too slow to reach
As I reached the roof, a lone survivor, my hands covered
in blood and my tears with limps in my steps.
I saw you standing over the edge, and the entire world went quiet
So all I heard was your pounding heart whereas mine stopped
and your voice broke the silence... "It was not enough..."
As you stepped back to let gravity take your life,
my screams were mute and my legs failed to carry me
then the sun crushed me and my eyes were then open.
Sleep paralysis took over but I could still feel the sun's weight on me.
My own head created that trauma, that world where
I was the last one to live...
Just a dream right?
Now get out of bed, you've got the real world to face

When the knife gets so enticing
that you would be willing to run it over your own skin
and silently whisper "I deserve this..."
Than that time has come
Take the knife and cut down the hedges we call fears
and see what lies beyond them
take the conquered worries and use them
use them to shape yourself into the person
you were created to be
Take another stop on the board so then
you will be able to see closer to the future
which holds something called "happiness"
run and leave those who will hold you still
cut through the vines the devil uses to hold us back
and rush towards those who are always there to take your hand
with open arms, free spirit, and contented mind.

The time has come
to stop thinking
**and start doing

Alarm screeches and the world is cold
bed is too warm to face the day
Disoriented and distraught, out the door with you
head spins while the mind stays still
staring at the ceiling for hours, zoned out
did you fall asleep or did you stay awake?
Try to close your eyes
and drift away...

I was expecting time to heal, but it hurt
you take my friend, I'll take the summer in the dark.
I feel like when I look at you
I'm looking at my own grave
So come out spiders, for all to see
I've been losing it for a while now
Was it true, how once upon a time,
you truly had some faith in me?
Now It's me against the world.

The darkness hides the spiders crawling on me
and my irrational fears caress me and turn me astray.
another hope to me,
is another reason to stay in bed.
I'd rather get lost in the beats roaring in my ears
It's okay I understand why you're with them.
It's probably just because they're better than me.
Is that why you left in the first place?

Forgive me, I counted off again, I know.
I know the days will only get worse from here
but still I hope today will be the only day
I'll say, "I've never felt so dead in my whole life."
Everyone moves on so quick, I'm so slow.
Can something just go right for a change?
Is something coming? Or is everything leaving?

So open your mind, though I'd rather turn it off
when I move, I'm spazzing out.  
Wait for me friends, I'm almost there
Just let me fight through this.

Now that I'm sure you're not coming back
you probably never needed me in the first place
and I probably wont ever move to you
I won't try either way now.
I'll still see you around though.
Though I can't promise I'll wave or smile.

Maybe tomorrow will be better
Part of me never wants to find out
and the rest of me wishes to skip summer
Yes, I know, I'm losing
and God knows it too.
**maybe if I just give it some more time...

I've got about 17 hours to get my thoughts together
Though I feel like I may need more
I can't quite fall asleep on this ride, I'm far too excited.
So all I can do is watch the miles decrease as I look out the window.
With my mind on overdrive
I'll cover more ground than the van
Just look around friend, we've got quite the trip
We'll be home before we know it
I'm worried of the future and what the road may hold
But I have found that answer
As long as I feel like I'm moving
And as long as I can feel them there
I will never fall back to that dark place.
Though the road may be long, I can't wait to get home.

I see things clearly for what they are not
Let's make a good situation into bad
and a better situation into death
Let's tear up the words they said,
change them into what they would never be
make minuets feel like hours
Now what of the things you said?
The things you didn't do?
forget what you did do, that doesn't matter now.
Let's map out every situation, every scenario

Nearly asleep I see,
Well, now that I have your attention...

I'm filled up to the brim again.
Mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually
although they may end that way,
these things have not felt like an ally to me.
For as long as I've been awake, they cause a flurry
of mental puking, physical fatigue, emotional suicide,
and spiritual confusion.
It's one of those nights where sleeping
would be as pointless as waking up.
True, I could pass the time by going for a walk.
but it would just end with me
sitting next to the road saying, "Just a few steps.
It shouldn't hurt for long..."
I can attempt to explain everything
but I simply grow dizzier and my stomach twists
When I kissed you again,
with a year and a half of not speaking behind us,
My lungs simply shut and my heart sank into my stomach.
It was a long day, but it was the best day I've had in a long time.
I'm sure I know you.
You always seemed a lot like me.
We both had out fears.
It felt like it was you and I against the world
But now it feels like you're a part of the world
Yes it does bother me, But I can't tell you how to live your life.
And if they ask, just tell your friends,
"He's an over-thinking, depressed, **** who's losing everything he was hoping he would still have."
Knowing that it's you is different.
It shouldn't bother me as much as it does.
You shouldn't worry about me, you shouldn't be sorry either
I'll just save the words for when you come down.
Go out with your friends, it is Friday after all.
It took everything I had to keep from screaming.
But then they would know for sure.
I'd rather have a true reason to be depressed
rather than just saying "I don't know" when someone asks
I'm not sure if the spiders are keeping me awake
or it's the lack of an "off" button on my mind.
I can't remember exactly what I dreamed of
but I can tell that it was a nightmare.

Sorry I can tell I got off track there
If no one is going to help, just give me enough to numb me
for the rest of summer

Something has been scratching at the back of my skull
It's just been sitting there for way too long
It yells, it whispers, it's become a splinter in my head.

Something told me I was happy, so I believed it
I was certainly happy once before, but now,
I get an uneasy feeling like the happiness will quickly fade

Something told me to go away, so I stepped to the side
I shed my tears, I pored my heart into my writings
I sat there in silence, waiting for my broken eyes to focus

Something told me to come back, so I walked towards you
I tried to smile back, but I am greeted with distraught eyes and a face I well remember
It's a face that I used to wear. Could it be that you may feel the same?

Something told me I was confused, I'm not sure what's next
my car has broken down in the middle of the freeway
They all speed along while I am screaming, "Wait!"

Something told me I was sad, so i went away
I tried to talk, but they gave me no solutions
They just ignored my words and said, "Be happy."

Something told me I was scared, but why?
I don't want to sit in the corner of the universe
I just need some help while I figure it all out.

Something has been taking my sleep, I'm done with this
But as they examine my head, they'll chuckle and say to me;
"It's absolutely nothing..."

God seems like a funny guy. He paid for the whole omnipresent
seat, so he'd better get comfortable. I can hear him
laughing at every step. But I can tell he's embarrassed

These days I catch myself looking at the writings and recalling
why I wrote. Knowing who they were for. They'll never see
the words I just randomly thought of that I wish I wrote.

Here I am looking at the clock. Counting the days to the day
which I don't know. The man in the attic does. His little snicker
taunts at the back of my skull. I'll keep believing no matter what.

Just look out of the brick window and daydream in blue.
I tend to have daydreams I thought only possible with cigarettes.
The thoughts drift through my open mind and only leave chills

The ear-piercing alarm that my head makes blares through my cold figure and jolts me awake struggling for warmth in my bed once more,
trying to guess how many minuets have passed since I turned off the light and drifted away.

I'll wait forever knowing something good is coming. There's
a blueprint of sorts coming and I cant help but thinking
the harsh graffiti on the walls are signs. I Haven't been sleeping well.

Sure, give me another dream just to wake up from. When that
day comes, maybe something will go right or am I just
waiting for the day to come where God says "Yeah alright, Mate."
Can I have a hint?