I never it made it to the moon back
Think I was just trapped
In one perspective
Two three four
Exponentially growing
Like the vines
Against an old brick wall
That tell a story
There’s history hidden in its creaks
There’s hidden lies
In the curves of her lips
And on her hips
And the she lies awake
Because she can barley sleep
Waiting just to die
She lies dormant
In a past state of mind
Or do you think she’s completely lost her mind
Must be scary to deal
With that kind of fight
Can’t be happy waking up knowing not a single bird in sight
Tell me what happened to her life?

poetry roots me,
I am not thinking ahead.
I am here!
That is enough
when I write
It's enough to be here
and no where else anymore
not fantasying
the more i fantasize
the more it eats away at the energy that I have
for my heart desires poetry
it desire spontaneity above all
but how can anything be spontaneous
if i've already thought it all
so I stay
I stay here
in the moment
of the poem forever
Until I cannot possibly write anymore
dreading the ending of my poem.

a light at the end of the tunnel
is the freedom
in the words I type
Where would I be
without the steady click
of my mind laying into the soft
caress of a screen, as for paper
it's insolent and my pen it ran out of ink
The lines I draw, are only in my mind
as I've seemed to have misplace the valley where the dead rest
The tangible object where many of writers have left their soul
The pages where have they gone ?
The smell, and the history, all here in this screen
A bird sits at my window sill as if waiting for me
to deliver some sort of message
she will fly and soar and anyone who lays on her will know
that I couldn't deliver the message I was told to write
I couldn't jump over to the other side
I couldn't make it through the forest without becoming more lost
I didn't try hard enough, I let fear take hold.
I wanted so badly to become
The one,
the one you all need,
but the tree's they laid witness
to trial after trail of failure
laid between the click of a keyboard a new generation
of the vessel that we use to pour our souls into
my thoughts captured before my eyes and
just one click and you will all see
and maybe you will feel the failure I  carry
the failure i've never confronted myself with
a perfectly honest revelation
of how I failed you all,
of how I couldn't jump,
of how I let the fear of the pain
get in the way of the success of a champion.
Now I'm in my room feet firmly planted in reality and i still
feel the fear
I still feel the self doubt
the feeling that no matter how many times I jump
i'll always fall short
I'll never make it to the other side
I'll never be a person solidified in a vessel
whose soul was felt
whose soul was known
I'll never bring the world together, or sacrifice
I'll most likely be average
I'll mostly likely die without hearing
the sound of my giant crowd.

If I could apologize I would,
I guess I did it all wrong ,
and thats where i'm wrong I know
It wasn't just you is was us.
we were bad together
experiencing the same thing ,
I know things happened unexpectedly
and they happened bad
it was just all bad
there was nothing good
not the way I treated you
not the way you treated me
I want to apologize
because it wasn't all you
it was us.
it was me.
I'm sorry .
we were so bad. together.

I want to forget you ,
I want to forget you,
but what is forgetting anyways,
Is it when a bird flys away and never returns to her nest
Is it the way the world shifts faster and faster in one directions
never returning to its original speed,
I'll never see you again
I want to forget you ,
It became consuming
Having you always in my brain
It became obsessive
The way your appeal dug into my soul
turning it black as coal
Feeding it massive matrialisism and egotistic
I didn't want your virus
Your disease,
The very thing that makes us both sane and insane
I never held your hand
and the good moments were fleeting
yet you buried yourself into my heart
into my soul
always tearing it apart
jack rippered me to pieces
and I still can't find all the parts.
I want to forget you,
I loathe and detest you
I want to forget you
I don't know you, and I never did,
You never had me, and I never stood up for you.
I hate you .
I want to forget you,
You remind me of what a stupid person I was,
No stance on love ,
letting you let me drag out all the corners of my heart
and my ideals and my values and morals
until I realized that I had none.
I want to forget you
because I am not the girl I was once.
I want to forget you
I do not regret you
nor do I forgive you
I never met you .
Who are you ?
It's nice to meet you .