Endless nights
Whirlwind days
Soul on fire, heart ablaze

Empty words
Cold, hard truths
Broken promises for hopeless youths

Loving whispers
Tender lips
Curious hands on rounding hips

Toxic tears
Venomous lies
Hollow pupils, swollen eyes

The seconds drag by like hours as I lie awake tonight,
With your ghost haunting my every thought.
The time on my phone reads 03:34.

The rain on the roof drums the beat
Of the drops that pattered on the tent
On the night you first held me,

I long for the days when your lips were just an inch away-
And now there are miles between us

You are in the chorus of every love song I hear on the radio,
You are in the corner of every smile I smile;
You are in my mind everyday

Being without you is physical pain.
You have a hold over me so strong that not even death could break.

And while I lie awake
You lie sound asleep
In your shared bed
With your new girl,
And me - a long forgotten fragment of your past.

Your lips are magnetic
Making me tremble
Then pulling me close
Closer still
Until we collide
A cacophony of warm breath and sugared kisses

You are the night light that keeps on glowing when all else is dark.

Within you lives the kindest heart the world will ever meet.
It cares for all, its generous, it loves with every beat.
Within you also lies my heart that you stole years ago.
You’ll keep it warm and safe and loved; this I’ll always know.

Within you dwells a beautiful soul, the most perfect to ever have lived.
Its generous and kind and wholly good. It  aids others and it forgives.
Within you also resides my soul, we’re connected through and through.
You’re my other half, my true soulmate; you are me, and I am you.

The hands that used to pull me close
Were twice the size of mine.
They’d stroke my hair and hold my hand;
Let our fingers intertwine.

The hands that used to hold me tight
Had short and bitten nails,
And a crooked finger on the right;
Such imperfect perfect details.

And the hands that used to love me
They were tender yet so strong.
A simple touch would make me weak
As their fingers traced along-

There are many things I know for sure
Like the colour of your eyes.
How you look when you’re asleep,
And the way you kiss goodbyes.

I know your birthday, know your likes,
I know your biggest fears.
I know what makes you smile and laugh,
And what drives you to tears.

I know your lifelong passions
And know all of your regrets.
I know your fondest memories,
And those you’d rather forget.

But one thing I don’t understand,
And may never really know:
Is why you chose me to love,
And why you never go

The first time that I fell in love
The sky was crisp and blue.
Such a cloudless day it was
When I first got to know you.

I fell in love further when
The moon lit up the skies.
I knew you were the one for me
When I looked into your eyes.

And when I fell in love for sure
The sky - to me -
Was you
You were the endless blue of sky,
Of sea, and of earth too.

Then when you went away you took
My sun, my stars, my guiding light;
You left me in the dark, alone:
In the eternal night.

Tears for you will not be shed,
Thoughts of you are buried and dead,
For there is another that you call your own,
While I, envy-wrought, stand alone.

My heart, to you, will now be closed,
And feelings no longer will be exposed,
For now another holds your adoration,
While I, unsuccessful, suppress frustration.

If this were a contest, the victor you'd be,
And I clearly beaten, by you and by she,
But life is no game, as I've sorely found,
And by your emotions and past you are bound.

Though I must admit, upon my discovery
Of your new flame, there was no recovery
For my heart; it had shattered already,
But I pulled myself up, and with voice unsteady,
Swore to remove you from my life and my mind.
It's done. Behind. To you I am blind.

In my life I've felt two kinds of love:
The impatient, nagging burning
And the patient, gentle peace.
The former keeps you up at night
The latter helps you sleep.

There's the one that keeps you wanting
Where you're never satisfied.
The ache that can never be filled,
That makes you feel alive.

Then there's the calm and placid love
That makes you feel secure.
It gives you all you need and want
So you need never ask for more.

The first love can't be tamed
No matter how hard you try.
It's the love that makes you scream and shout
The love that makes you cry.

It drives you crazy with desire
It fuels your passion and drugs your mind.
It makes you high
It makes you blind.

The last love keeps you warm and safe
It holds you close at night
This love keeps you happy
And it feels sure and right.

It fills you with confidence and support
And it gives you room to grow.
You know it will always be there
No matter where you go.

The first love is unstable
It's dangerous and exciting.
The second is mature
It's healing and inviting.

While both loves are important;
They are key parts of your story,
Neither is better than the other;
There is not one reigning glory.
But one thing is for certain
When all is said and done,
Is that of the two loves I know
One remains and one is gone.

Swollen eyes, dark and deep,
Hollow pits from lack of sleep.
Rolling down her porcelain cheek,
A single tear, helpless and meek.
Downturned lips kept tightly shut,
Holding back thoughts and words that cut.

Bitten nails wrapped into fists,
Battle wounds curve round her wrists,
Hate and shame across her skin,
She learnt to hide it, she learnt to fit in.
Insecurities lurk beneath tattered clothes,
A world of secrets that no one knows.

The looking glass shows her broken, afraid,
And to herself this is how she’s portrayed,
But to lens and to eye this girl cannot be seen,
To the world she appears as any other teen.
Surrounded by friends she laughs loud and smiles wide,
So no one will know the pain she suffers inside.

I'm sorry for all the fights I started,
About things so trivial and small.
My need to be right was so consuming,
But I never meant to hurt you at all.

I'm sorry for all the jealousy
That was never justified.
I trusted you and your loyalty,
But insecurities did preside.

I'm sorry for telling you what to do,
For taking control within your life.
I just wanted us to be happy and perfect,
I didn't want to cause you strife.

I'm sorry for being so stressed all the time,
And for taking it out on you.
For all of the snapping and many bad moods,
You were never at fault, it's true.

I'm sorry for all the harsh things I said,
When we fought and when I was sad.
So afraid of seeming weak so I snapped;
I went too far, but always felt bad.

I'm sorry for loving you so so much,
That my heart ruled over my head.
I was crazy and stupid when emotions ran high,
It's no wonder why you fled.

So I thank you for all you've done for me,
And all the things that you have not.
From you I've learnt to improve myself,
And appreciate what I've got.

Let's get drunk together again,
Let's lose our minds and go insane,
With our words revisit the past,
Let's make something that will last.

Let's drink wine and stay up late,
Talk of love and banish hate,
Let us drink until it's hazy,
Let's, for once, do something crazy.

Let's do shots and take off clothes,
Touch and kiss until time slows,
Let's rewind to the good old days,
With our hearts and souls ablaze.

Let's drink until we fall asleep,
And let us laugh until we weep,
Baring secrets, regrets, and dreams,
No longer on warring teams.

But in the morning when we wake,
Nauseous, tired, and with headache,
Will things continue as the night before,
Or will you break my heart once more?

Your kisses are toxic.
They control my mind and fuel my desire,
Filling me up with your poison
Inch by inch. It's eating away at my skin.

Your words are fatal.
Thrown at me like spears, breaking my trust and
Feeding your arrogance, until it spawns
Into a beast of its own. It has taken over you now.

Your touch is my ******.
Pulsing adrenaline through my veins and making my nerves
Ache for you. But they are not met with your touch.
Your hands are cold anyway.

Your voice is my oxygen.
It fills my lungs with venom and corrupts my naïve heart.
Your sharp tones cut through my skin,
Awakening a darkness in me that you planted there.

I fulfilled your wants but was not your needs.
And then you wanted me no more.
And yet I long for you. I desire, require, yearn for, burn for you.
While you became stronger with each piece of me I gave away.

An empty can stands alone on a cluttered shelf,
Its cold and hollow corpse reminds me of myself.
It is the only thing left that still has traces of your lips,
And its surface still holds the caress of your fingertips.

I forgot to remove it: it is part of the decor,
Like the oath that you swore:
"I love you," etched into the frame of my bed,
You forgot to scratch it out when you left, it can still be read.

What is gone is your pictures, I tore them from their frames.
Their glass bare, waiting to be filled by new flames,
But they won't be replaced.
There are fragments of you everywhere; they can't be erased.

Your touch is ingrained in every corner,
The memories are painful to me, the mourner.
Your laugh is absorbed in every wall and ceiling,
While the cracks that you left behind are slowly healing.

A jumble of letters, a unique code,
A title given to a being.
Another label in a list of contacts,
A name is trapping, not freeing.

But your name feels like more than a word,
Than a code, a title, a label.
Your name carries much more value,
It’s chaotic, complex, unstable.

From my lips it feels forbidden,
To my ears it is a surprise,
To my heart it is a whirlwind,
And a gift it is to my eyes.

It is a character in my stories,
A hero in my dreams,
A lead role in my memories,
But in my present life it is not seen.

Your name is a missing person,
An object lost at sea,
Your name is a hurricane of emotions,
But has become a stranger to me.

First comes winter. The hardest to survive.
Cold and barren; the frost eats you alive.
Branches of hope bare; leaves of love decayed,
Around your heart and soul, you’ve built a barricade.

Next is the spring; winter gone at last.
The time for new life, no longer bound to your past.
Resilience gave you another chance;
You refuse to look back now, not even a glance.

Now the summer, best season of all.
You think you've moved on, standing proud and tall.
Growing and blossoming towards the sky,
Barely remembering the last goodbye.

Darker nights now autumn is here,
Doubts create fog this time of year.
Leaves of joy and fulfilment are furling and falling,
Memories of lost love you just keep recalling.

Then winter strikes again, but not quite as strong,
You wonder why you still haven’t moved on.
Reliving every mistake and regret,
The frost bites your skin. It won’t let you forget.

The seasons repeat until you become winterless,
Your bark has healed, you are finally splinterless,
Life now a lattice of long summer, carefree spring,
But occasionally the autumn may sometimes creep in.
Or so that is what I hear,
But I still have winter as part of my year.

Gazing into the sea that is your eyes,
My heart it beats to the rhythm of safety.
A sparking blue gem of the earth,
Catching my dreams and my breath.

Mirroring the light that is your smile,
Heart beating in time to our laughter.
The mischief eminent in your grin,
Its sound and your strong arms pulling me in.

Gently caressing the soft bed that is your skin,
The flutter of my heart the only sound.
Smooth and firm ivory holds me tight,
Nothing in the world could feel this right.

Joining with the soft petals that are your lips,
Heart racing faster than my short breaths.
Lips fusing, uniting, merging into one,
My heart is on fire and all senses but touch are gone.

Two years of bliss and then plummet.
Reality hazy and hope scattered
With the pieces of my heart.

The black void in the centre of your eyes,
The smirk lurking in your smile,
On your skin lies prickles and thorns,
And from your lips harsh words are born.

These things they went unnoticed,
But now they’re all I see.
The you I knew, is memories,
But the true you lives in reality.

Not a time, nor a place, but a date.
The date that changed my course of fate.
The day I was at my worst, not best:
The day my heart was ripped from my chest.

Where, you ask?
On a patch of grass,
For all public eyes to see.
Calling passersby and motorists: here's a show for free.

Already knowing what was to come,
I had time to prepare before the fun.
But no preparation was enough;
All my pride had turned to dust.

Crying and begging; not my finest hour.
Life turning from sweet to sour.
All the while a proud smirk sat,
Upon your face. What a ****.

We coalesce, a mass of limbs,
Our bodies and souls connect.
I know your face, I know your skin,
And every perfect defect.

We speak in whispers, breathe our words,
Kiss our thoughts and feelings.
Laugh out loud, free as birds,
All wounds are quickly healing.

We share our secrets, share our dreams,
Our minds they become one.
But all is not as it seems,
You’re in my head; you’re gone.

Six long months I've lived without
Your smile, your touch, your kiss.
It gets easier, they say
Yet you I'll always miss.
Is it because you're my first love?
First kiss, first smile, first touch?
Or is it because you're just someone
I'll always love so much?

You were my world, my heart, my soul,
My everything; my passion.
But I was just your love affair,
Your temporary distraction.
You say that what you felt was real
You say that it was true,
But it would be impossible to love
As much as I loved you.

Although that I am happy now,
My days they feel complete,
I cannot help but think of you;
My daily thoughts are not discreet.
I wonder what you're doing now,
If your happiness is real.
I wonder if you miss me at all
And the way I made you feel.

We had our good times, lots of bad,
We both know that is true.
But we were feeling good before
I suddenly lost you.
Of all the things I said and did,
My one biggest regret
Was pushing you away by starting
Fights, and making you upset.

Although it was my fault I said I'd change
And begged for one more chance,
But you discarded me and would not
Let us have our final dance.
Though I will always care for you
I need to let you go.
Holding onto memories kills me,
But I am stronger than you know.

We sat there listening to each other breathing.
The others in our company merely shadows and scenery:
My eyes were fixed on you.
Careless laughter and playful words were thrown between us.
Our friendship blossomed and our feelings grew. Unspoken.

We lay there listening to each other breathing.
Soft and quiet as our friends all slept around us, in a daze of alcohol,
While we lie sober and content talking of our lives and our dreams.
And that night, when I fell asleep wrapped safely in your arms,
I knew that just your friendship would not fulfil me. I wanted more.

We sat there listening to each other breathing.
Tense and nervous as the credits blurred on the TV screen,
Giving me the signal to pull you close and kiss you back for the first time.
My nerves dissolved as your lips enclosed me in safety
And you asked me if I would be yours.

We sat there listening to each other breathing.
Slow and steady as I looked into your blue eyes and saw my happiness
Dancing across your pupils and mirrored on your lips.
Your goofy, crooked smile and silly laugh confirmed what I already knew,
And together we voiced our feelings and dreamt of our future.

We lay there listening to each other breathing.
Soft and gentle until our lips met for the hundredth time,
Then deeper and heavier as your love consumed me.
And I let you in; let you take my innocence,
Let you take my fragile heart.

We sat there listening to each other breathing.
Sharp and short between our hysterical laughter,
Rolling on the floor like children in pure ecstasy,
Drugged from the presence of one other
And laughing at the joys of being alive and in love.

We lay there listening to each other breathing.
The long breaths and secret smiles I knew too well.
You stopped my breath with kisses and we spent all day in bed.
Your touch was my poison and your skin my drug,
Words were seldom needed as we shared our love in motion.

We stood there listening to each other breathing.
Loud and violent between the shouting and the silence.
My frequent spells of anger and your lack of concern
Pushed us further apart. But I could not bear to lose you
So we quietly forgave and spoke softly of our love.

We sat there listening to each other breathing.
Calm and even as we enjoyed a quiet Thursday night.
Comfort and routine surrounded us
And embraced us with a familiar hug.
Snuggled on the sofa we were peaceful.

You sat there listening to me breathing.
Jagged and heavy between my sobs.
All the while you were silent,
A predator watching the slow death of their prey
While I tried to find the strength to breathe at all.

I sit here listening to my breathing.
The echoes of your smile and the shadows of your voice in my mind.
But my reality is silent
And my breaths are pained and solitary,
While you continue breathing all the notes of life.