You take
everything,
everything that was mine,
everything that you pretended was yours,
everything except responsibility for yourself.

I'm jealous of your pen.
Jealous of the way your hands will never caress my skin like you hold it.
Jealous of the way you won't ever twirl me on a wooden dance floor like you spin it.

I'm jealous of your tie.
Jealous of the way it wraps around your neck, a place my arms will never be.
Jealous of how nothing separates it from your skin except a shirt, but I have red tape cuffing my hands behind my back when I want nothing more than to let them roam beneath the collar of your blue-striped button down.

I'm jealous of your ears.
Jealous of the words they get to hear when mine aren't around to listen.
Jealous of the way they get to hear i love you spill over and over again from your pillowy lips, the same lips that form into a smirk after you tell a joke and make me feel like the most important person in the world.

I'm jealous of the way you make me feel.
Jealous, because, I'll never make you feel that way, too.

This morning,
I lost an earring.
Last year,
I lost you.

And you're not around now,
You won't see me graduate.
And you're not here,
So you wouldn't know how much I miss you.

And sometimes I wonder if it's better,
If those childhood stories about Heaven are true,
If you've gotten your memories back,
Your happiness back.

And I know that we had good times,
That plastic teacups were more important
Than plastic chairs bolted down
In uncomfortable hospital waiting rooms.

But maybe I'm being selfish,
Wanting you to be here with me.
Maybe I should be grateful that I even knew you,
That I had the honor to call you Pappy.

And I'll always miss your thick glasses.
And I'll always miss the way you sang just because you felt like singing.
And I'll always miss how you laughed.
And I'll always miss you.

And this morning,
I lost an earring.
But at least I can find it later,
Sitting on the bathroom sink.