I know a girl. Who’s not really in love, she just wants to be loved, she craves the attention love brings. But she’s not in love. I know a girl who’s been hurt so many times she’s numb to it. She puts on a front she thinks no one notices but I do because I know the real her. I'm her.

i need a cup of tea,
a hug and a bullet to the head

I live in my head,
rarely ever coming out.
I really should get out more ..

I’m not heartless, I just learned how to use my heart less

A nother ****** day
B inging, then throwing up; Hunger
C rying, as usual
D eath sounds comforting
E each day is a struggle
F orcing smiles
G one too soon? Not soon enough
H eaven isn't for people like me.
I nternal struggle—i want to
   die//i want to live ..
J ust one more cut .. Oops, too
   many to count
K ill yourself, my thoughts say
L iving is exhausting
M ore scars
N othing inside. It's hungry. Being
    eaten alive
O h, I woke up this morning, I
    wanted to die
P ain .. So much pain.
Q uit  it!
R est in peace [RIP]
S hut up!
T hese thoughts will be the death
   of me. Tired
U nder the facade is a corpse. Im
    a walking dead
V ery soon i will end it.
W hy should I stay alive? Should
     I **** myself?
X friends, x lovers, goodbye
Y es
Z ero thoughts

Today I met a great friend
Who knew me right away
It was funny how she understood me and all I had to say
She listened to my problems,
She listened to my dreams,
we talked about love & life;
she'd been there too! well it seems.
I never once felt judged by her,
she knew just how I felt,
she seemed to just accept me & all the problems I'd been dealt.
She didn't interrupt me,or need to have her say,
she just listened very patiently & didn't go away.
I wanted her to understand how much this meant to me,
but as I went to hug her, something startled me.
I put my arms in front of me and went to pull her nearer,
I just realized that my "new best friend" was nothing but a Mirror”

You're my once upon a time, but I guess I'm not your happily-ever-after.

Cut me open and let all the ink run from these veins,
until my words bleed dry, and only blank pages remain.

I stopped checking for monsters under the bed,
when I realized they were inside all of us instead

ＪＪｓｂｄｋｓｎｄｋｋｄｍｘｍｊｓｈＪｕｓｔｌｅｔｍｅｄｉｅｍｍｍｋｂｈｂｘｊｄｎｘｎｂｄｊｘｂｄｎｘｎｎｘｎｘｎＩｍｓｏｔｉｒｅ­ｄｏｆｔｈｉｓｎｓｊｓ ｎｋｋｓｂｄｎｄｎｂｄｔｈｅｓｅ ｔｅａｒｓ ｗｏｎｔｓｔｏｐｊｄｊｄｎｎ ｚｎｊｓｎｎｄｕｄｎｄｋｄｋｎｆｋｄｍｓｓｎｆｎｊｄｎｄｎｎｄｂｄｂｄｂｄｎＷｈｙｔｈｅｐａｉｎｓｔｉｌｌｌｉｖｅｓｉｎ ｍｙｈｅａｒｔｊｊｘｎｘｊｘｊｄｎ ｍｙｋｄｊｄｖｊｓｎｄｊｃｊｎｄｎｄｎｃｎｘｋｘｎｋｘｎｄｋｄｋｊｄｎｓｋｘｈｊｓｈｄｊｄｄｎｄｅＩｍｓｏｆｕｃｋｉｎｇｔｉｒｅｄ­ｍｓｎｎｄｋｓｎｘｏｎｓｈｘｉｄｎｋｘｎｄｊｓｊｄｂｊｄｋｓｌｍｓｎｄｊｊｄｂｄｉｓｂｄｊｊｄｋｓｎｄｊｄｈｂｓｎｄｎｎｄｊｄｊｄ­ｎｄｎｄ


Ｙｏｕｌｌｎｅｖｅｒｕｎｄｅｒｓｔａｎｄ ｍｅ

Hiding the hurt, hiding the pain
Hiding the tears that fall like rain.
Saying l'm fine; l'm anything but.
This ache in my soul rips at my gut.
My skin is on fire, I burn from within.
The calm on my face
is an ongoing sin.
The world must stay out,
I've built up a wall.
My fragile lie will collapse
should it ever fall
Loneliness consumes me,
It eats away the years
Until my life is swallowed
by unending fears.
Waiting for someone to see
I wear a mask
And care enough to remove it,
Is that too much to ask?

She found herself slowly becoming immune to her emotions. With her lungs incapable of letting the air out, and the pain buried within her unable to turn into tears, she bled in silence

Being suicidal when you’re really young is so sad and weird because you stop seeing yourself in the future, you can’t even imagine what you could possibly be doing in a year from now, sometimes a month and each day you're wondering if today is the day, the day you have enough courage to do it, or if someone will handle it for you. You're walking down the street and a speeding car is coming, you don't move, you hope it hits you. You lose hope, it makes it harder for you to get better, or believe that it ever will. You start to live as if you're dead already..

He fell in love with her leaves, not her roots, so when autumn came he didn't know what to do.

She whispered-
innocence in my ear,
while her hands crawled
under the covers and
called her a liar.

Forget the risks
Cut the wrists
Take the fall
If that's what it takes,
just end it all.

She knows she’s young
She’s lost her fun
In so little years
She’s filled with so many fears
Her momma scolds
Tells her she’s she got no hold
She sits and reads Matilda
Momma says to go out with her sister

She’s told she’s not pretty
She says she’s just a kid
They tell her without a boyfriend
She cannot play with them
She loves to Skip
She loves her toys
She just wants friendship
Doesn’t matter with girls or with boys

And as sixth grade ends and she’s lost her friends Who are so eager to go and grow up
She decides to keep quietly to herself
Or else they’ll tell her to shut up
She loves being a kid
Still wants to play pretend
Doesn’t want to worry about makeup
Doesn’t want to worry about growth
Doesn’t want to style her hair, just wants to keep it short
Told she looks like a boy but she likes being different
Doesn’t want to be irreverent
She still feels like she’s eleven
And just wants to keep on shining
Wants to keep looking at the world as amazing

She doesn’t know what to do
She loves a man who’s 22
She knows she is much too young
And knows he thinks of her as young and dumb
He gives her a smile and walks on by
He calls her a “Pop ****” and gives her a high five
She dreams 10 years going by
When she’s allowed to be in his life
But she thinks then he’ll have a wife
And she’ll just dream of being the lonely bride
Will she have another chance
Was this her only shot?
She wonders what high school will be like
Will she be able to have another start?
She still wishes to make her mama proud
But she just wants a well primed child
She couldn’t be a beauty queen
And couldn’t dance or sing
She just likes to climb trees and read
And she still wants that into her teens
For this little twelve year old girl
Life was a nonstop whirl
The days go by too fast
She feels pretty soon she’ll be looking her last
As all her schoolmates gossip and change
She still wants to remain strange
She thinks about him everyday
And the days remain the same,
The same
She’s older
She’s getting older
She’s getting older and she wants to go back
She takes old pictures, puts them in order
So that she can always look back









Copyright © James Black |

Alone in bed she looks around
Afraid of what's to come
The shadows dance along her wall
She hears her daddy hum

Tears fill her eyes she starts to cry
Up out of bed she runs
And locks the door; the **** then turns
And Daddy whispers one

"Don't make me wake your mother up
To tell her you've been bad
Come give Daddy a kiss goodnight-
You're making me very mad"

She turns the key and steps away
And Daddy walks inside
Slowly shutting down again
She crawls inside to hide

Alone inside her little world
She cannot feel the pain
Innocence lost long ago
Left in a ****** stain

Images fly through her mind
First her then Kristy too
Baby Carrie's next in line
Before the night is through

Anger builds around her heart
"Please stop!" she tries to yell
But Daddy's hand is on her neck
He knows she'll never tell

She struggles underneath his wieght
As he removes her shoe
She tries to hit but misses
And Daddy whispers two

His grip on her is tightened
And his fist comes crashing down
She tries to fight unconsiousness
As Daddy rips her gown

He rolls her on her belly
Pulls her close so he won't miss
Then he enters hard and quickly
As he gives her "Daddy's kiss"

The minutes seem like hours
As she opens up her eyes
And she hears the desperation
In her little sister's cries

Daddy thrusts in one more time
Then rolls onto his back
And she just lies there motionless
And awaits his next attack

She looks into her sisters eyes
And reaches out a hand
And little Carrie reaches back
And slowly starts to stand

But Daddy isn't finished yet
And Carrie's pushed aside
He holds her down and spreads her legs
And takes another ride

She falls asleep all bruised and naked
****** and surrounded
By the sisters she had reached for
While her innocence was pounded

14 years of **** and lies
She fall into depression
And suicide is what's to come
Of a childs molestation

3 days later a little body
Washes up on shore
A suicide; her wrists are slit
But the sherrif sees much more

The headlines scream the story
Of a young girls devastation
And the silent screams that go unheard
All throughout the nation

But Kelly's story isn't through
Her secrets now unfold
For she tells them with the bruises
On her body now so cold

Now the lights flash through the windows
And there's people all around
Asking all these questions
But we don't make a sound

Kristy hasn't spoken since they
Told her Kelly died
And I am little Carrie
In a corner I now hide

Handcuffs bind his hands and wrists
The evidence they found
Her body told of the abuse
When Daddy was around

"How many?" Mommy askes of him
"How many and God why?"
And Daddy looks away from her
And Mamma starts to cry

"How many did you do this to?"
And then he looks at me
My green eye bruised the night before
And Daddy whispers "three"

Tell me that this fear is just paranoia in my mind, we're not straining, we're not struggling, we're not sinking, we're just fine
I'm not perfect my dearest, but **** have I tried, and I'll try harder but I know I'll have the same results every time
Do you want me all the ways that I am? With all the struggles and the tears and the clinging to your hand
I fear your getting further and Im left on the shore to stand, watching you in the distance with a bullet in my hand
Tell me all this worry, its just clutter in my mind, tell me not to worry that we're doing just fine
Cause Im scared to run you off and I feel Im falling deep
And Im so frightened of these thoughts that its getting hard to sleep.
All I know is that the heart wants what it desires, because of you the match inside has turned into a fire
And I feel the broken glass thats sticking from my skin, Wondering if you'll remove the pain or push it back in
My hearts frantic wondering if you feel the same, pleading and begging for more than just a saying, but to feel and to see that im not alone, with being in this love thats overwhelming
Once I told you that we didnt have a spark, but you were lighting up and I was sitting in the dark
And this fire, this blaze its wrapped in desire
Im terrified to lose you, I think I might die or, maybe disappear from all the pieces falling out, im going crazy but when i open my mouth, nothing comes out, and I cant explain to you why I just need to hold you close, why every time you leave Im scared to let you go, why these tears are building up behind my eyes, all I know is that the heart wants what it desires and it desires to be your wife
So tell me in my panic, that your words are true, tell me my dearest what I mean to you, tell me that this paranoia is all within my mind we're not struggling, we're not sinking tell me we're just fine

Red looks good
Running down my skin that is..
I shouldn't cut
But,
I need release
Sobs wracking my body
Heavy breathing
Chest feels empty
I feel empty.. just a shell
No substance,
But all these unwanted emotions
I need release
Throat hoarse and raw
Guilty fingers shaking
Again..
Hot tears threaten to escape
I need release
Just one tiny cut
Please?
Or maybe a few
I need release
One slit, then two
That familiar sting
That familiar red
Uncontrollable sobs

We're all looking for someone,
Whose demons play well with our own
Try to drown my demons
But hey,
The ******* can swim
Learnt every trick in the book
They've come to stay
Toying with my emotions
Their playground is my mind
The day is done
Light disappears
Darkness settles
They've come to play
Shall they have their way?
The dark invites them in
They're inside having fun
'Just one cut', they whisper
And it is done
My razor-kissed hand,
Is a pretty awful sight
No more space for damage
Where next shall I try?
They want to feed off my pain
They love to see my beautiful red blood run
What do they gain?
I've had it!
No more!
I'm taking back my thoughts
I'm taking back my mind
Kiss this place goodbye
Play time is over

Her smile's now painted,
She's a master of disguise.
You could see it then,
You can see it now.
Just look into her eyes.

And for that second,
The blade ripped across the surface,
tearing the flesh apart,
letting the blood run free.
I've forgotten every problem I have and had.
The pain was my escape,
and it will always be..

I may come off as strong,
But I fell asleep crying
I told you nothing was wrong,
But really I was lying

Everyone comes with scars,
But you can love them away.
I told you that I wasn't perfect,
You told me the same
'You don't get it, I-"
'Shh, I love you, imperfections and all',
You said
But a month later,
Everything changed
You looked at me with disgust-
Like I was **** on legs
'I'm breaking up with you',
You said
'Why', I asked
'You're not perfect, I don't love you'
Hysterical sobs, at the loss of-
What I thought was love
'But I love you!',
I screamed at the closed door,
For you walked out on me
Your previous words meant nothing
I'm not worth loving, why?
The cuts on my thighs?
My eyes full of hurt?
My mouth full of lies?
The pain you caused,
Hurt more than the fresh cuts-
I just made
These were dedicated to you
Etched into my skin,
The perfect reminder of the pain you caused
'I love you' it said,
Used my blood to make-
a small heart on my tear-stained cheek
Then I slashed both wrists
They were dedicated to you
I love you
Hours later, remembering something-
You left
Found me lying there,
With the note cut into my hand,
'I love you' it said
The perfect reminder of the pain you caused